Top One Hundred Facts
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(Only facts with 50 or more votes count)
<TABLE><THEAD><TR><TH>Rank</TH><TH>Fact</TH><TH># of Votes</TH><TH>Rating</TH></TR></THEAD><TFOOT><TR><TH>Rank</TH><TH>Fact</TH><TH># of Votes</TH><TH>Rating</TH></TR></TFOOT><TBODY><TR><TD>1</TD><TD>When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, itβs probably Jack Bauer.</TD><TD>75</TD><TD>7.52</TD></TR><TR><TD>2</TD><TD>When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.</TD><TD>144</TD><TD>7.49</TD></TR><TR><TD>3</TD><TD>After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List.</TD><TD>63</TD><TD>7.41</TD></TR><TR><TD>4</TD><TD>Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.</TD><TD>64</TD><TD>7.41</TD></TR><TR><TD>5</TD><TD>The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.</TD><TD>591</TD><TD>7.27</TD></TR><TR><TD>6</TD><TD>The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.</TD><TD>128</TD><TD>7.16</TD></TR><TR><TD>7</TD><TD>Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.</TD><TD>391</TD><TD>7.12</TD></TR><TR><TD>8</TD><TD>Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle and aligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.</TD><TD>124</TD><TD>7.11</TD></TR><TR><TD>9</TD><TD>Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."</TD><TD>416</TD><TD>7.1</TD></TR><TR><TD>10</TD><TD>When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.</TD><TD>137</TD><TD>7.02</TD></TR><TR><TD>11</TD><TD>Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.</TD><TD>113</TD><TD>6.97</TD></TR><TR><TD>12</TD><TD>If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.</TD><TD>3847</TD><TD>6.96</TD></TR><TR><TD>13</TD><TD>Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.</TD><TD>208</TD><TD>6.96</TD></TR><TR><TD>14</TD><TD>If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".</TD><TD>1241</TD><TD>6.96</TD></TR><TR><TD>15</TD><TD>...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."</TD><TD>71</TD><TD>6.87</TD></TR><TR><TD>16</TD><TD>The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.</TD><TD>393</TD><TD>6.85</TD></TR><TR><TD>17</TD><TD>Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.</TD><TD>1945</TD><TD>6.85</TD></TR><TR><TD>18</TD><TD>When Special Forces raided an afghan training camp, they found an empty camp and a pirated copy of 24 Season 4. </TD><TD>69</TD><TD>6.84</TD></TR><TR><TD>19</TD><TD>There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.</TD><TD>717</TD><TD>6.82</TD></TR><TR><TD>20</TD><TD>Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.</TD><TD>241</TD><TD>6.8</TD></TR><TR><TD>21</TD><TD>The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.</TD><TD>57</TD><TD>6.79</TD></TR><TR><TD>22</TD><TD>Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.</TD><TD>3746</TD><TD>6.79</TD></TR><TR><TD>23</TD><TD>Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.</TD><TD>3467</TD><TD>6.78</TD></TR><TR><TD>24</TD><TD>Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first.</TD><TD>133</TD><TD>6.77</TD></TR><TR><TD>25</TD><TD>Teri Bauer had her tubes tied years ago. That still didn't stop Jack.</TD><TD>51</TD><TD>6.76</TD></TR><TR><TD>26</TD><TD>Jack Bauer is the only human in the world with the ability to make Chloe O'Brien drop the personality disorder and patch him through.</TD><TD>189</TD><TD>6.76</TD></TR><TR><TD>27</TD><TD>Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.</TD><TD>724</TD><TD>6.75</TD></TR><TR><TD>28</TD><TD>If Jack Bauer gives you his word, return it immediately and run.</TD><TD>152</TD><TD>6.74</TD></TR><TR><TD>29</TD><TD>My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer.</TD><TD>158</TD><TD>6.74</TD></TR><TR><TD>30</TD><TD>Jack Bauer let himself be drugged, beaten and captured inside a crate on a Chinese ship heading out of the USA with no way for help to find him. Now he has them right where we wants them.</TD><TD>148</TD><TD>6.74</TD></TR><TR><TD>31</TD><TD>MTV once tried to 'Punk' Kiefer Sutherland by staging a robery in a store. Sutherland smiled and pulled out his SIG and shot 3 actors in the head. This is why there was a new cast on Punk'd after season one.</TD><TD>109</TD><TD>6.73</TD></TR><TR><TD>32</TD><TD>When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are translated except for Jack's. The reason for this, nobody speaks for Jack Bauer.</TD><TD>96</TD><TD>6.73</TD></TR><TR><TD>33</TD><TD>1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.</TD><TD>3495</TD><TD>6.72</TD></TR><TR><TD>34</TD><TD>Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.</TD><TD>2992</TD><TD>6.71</TD></TR><TR><TD>35</TD><TD>When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.</TD><TD>1586</TD><TD>6.71</TD></TR><TR><TD>36</TD><TD>When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.</TD><TD>3705</TD><TD>6.7</TD></TR><TR><TD>37</TD><TD>Jack Bauer does not get taken prisoner. He puts himself in a disadvantageous position so as to make his next several killings more dramatic.</TD><TD>140</TD><TD>6.7</TD></TR><TR><TD>38</TD><TD>If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.</TD><TD>3488</TD><TD>6.7</TD></TR><TR><TD>39</TD><TD>No matter how or when you die, the last thing you see will be Jack Bauer.</TD><TD>58</TD><TD>6.69</TD></TR><TR><TD>40</TD><TD>If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.</TD><TD>1603</TD><TD>6.69</TD></TR><TR><TD>41</TD><TD>When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.</TD><TD>140</TD><TD>6.68</TD></TR><TR><TD>42</TD><TD>Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.</TD><TD>170</TD><TD>6.68</TD></TR><TR><TD>43</TD><TD>The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population.</TD><TD>164</TD><TD>6.65</TD></TR><TR><TD>44</TD><TD>Michael Jackson once told Jack Bauer to "beat it," and Jack Bauer beat the black out of him. Thus began Michael Jackson's downward spiral.</TD><TD>118</TD><TD>6.64</TD></TR><TR><TD>45</TD><TD>Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun.</TD><TD>123</TD><TD>6.63</TD></TR><TR><TD>46</TD><TD>Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.</TD><TD>3105</TD><TD>6.62</TD></TR><TR><TD>47</TD><TD>If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.</TD><TD>293</TD><TD>6.61</TD></TR><TR><TD>48</TD><TD>Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.</TD><TD>674</TD><TD>6.61</TD></TR><TR><TD>49</TD><TD>Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.</TD><TD>2820</TD><TD>6.59</TD></TR><TR><TD>50</TD><TD>A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.</TD><TD>333</TD><TD>6.59</TD></TR><TR><TD>51</TD><TD>Get one thing straight, the only reason that container ship is still afloat is that Jack Bauer doesn't feel like swimming all the way to China.</TD><TD>159</TD><TD>6.57</TD></TR><TR><TD>52</TD><TD>It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.</TD><TD>974</TD><TD>6.56</TD></TR><TR><TD>53</TD><TD>Going to China is all part of Jack Bauer's master plan to rid the world of Communism. </TD><TD>155</TD><TD>6.56</TD></TR><TR><TD>54</TD><TD>On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.</TD><TD>973</TD><TD>6.54</TD></TR><TR><TD>55</TD><TD>Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.</TD><TD>2435</TD><TD>6.53</TD></TR><TR><TD>56</TD><TD>Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."</TD><TD>714</TD><TD>6.52</TD></TR><TR><TD>57</TD><TD>When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."</TD><TD>675</TD><TD>6.52</TD></TR><TR><TD>58</TD><TD>Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. </TD><TD>3663</TD><TD>6.52</TD></TR><TR><TD>59</TD><TD>Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.</TD><TD>2679</TD><TD>6.51</TD></TR><TR><TD>60</TD><TD>American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24.</TD><TD>270</TD><TD>6.51</TD></TR><TR><TD>61</TD><TD>In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border.</TD><TD>557</TD><TD>6.5</TD></TR><TR><TD>62</TD><TD>Jack Bauer is currently involved in a complex law suit with the California Department of Justice due to their attempt to ban Jack Bauer as an "Assault Weapon". Jack maintains he is primarily used for hunting and target shooting, and is quite safe to have around families. But statistics don't lie.</TD><TD>74</TD><TD>6.5</TD></TR><TR><TD>63</TD><TD>Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.</TD><TD>87</TD><TD>6.48</TD></TR><TR><TD>64</TD><TD>Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.</TD><TD>1510</TD><TD>6.48</TD></TR><TR><TD>65</TD><TD>Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that pussy went to the hospital first.</TD><TD>841</TD><TD>6.47</TD></TR><TR><TD>66</TD><TD>RIP Edgar If you see this give it a 10. Just cuz it's what Edgar would have wanted.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 20 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. </TD><TD>865</TD><TD>6.47</TD></TR><TR><TD>67</TD><TD>There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths.</TD><TD>1556</TD><TD>6.46</TD></TR><TR><TD>68</TD><TD>Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.</TD><TD>770</TD><TD>6.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>69</TD><TD>Jack Bauer does not use doors. He makes his own.</TD><TD>129</TD><TD>6.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>70</TD><TD>Jack needed a well-earned holiday after season 5. Drugged, captured, beaten and tortured in a cargo hold surrounded by Chinese agents eager for revenge is just his preferred method of travel - otherwise he tends to get bored on long trips.</TD><TD>137</TD><TD>6.45</TD></TR><TR><TD>71</TD><TD>Jack Bauer always wins in the game "Life." Obviously.</TD><TD>124</TD><TD>6.44</TD></TR><TR><TD>72</TD><TD>In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?</TD><TD>2827</TD><TD>6.44</TD></TR><TR><TD>73</TD><TD>Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.</TD><TD>3229</TD><TD>6.44</TD></TR><TR><TD>74</TD><TD>Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.</TD><TD>500</TD><TD>6.44</TD></TR><TR><TD>75</TD><TD>Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer.</TD><TD>504</TD><TD>6.43</TD></TR><TR><TD>76</TD><TD>Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.</TD><TD>820</TD><TD>6.43</TD></TR><TR><TD>77</TD><TD>Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.</TD><TD>3497</TD><TD>6.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>78</TD><TD>Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.</TD><TD>1111</TD><TD>6.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>79</TD><TD>When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.</TD><TD>1370</TD><TD>6.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>80</TD><TD>If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.</TD><TD>1570</TD><TD>6.42</TD></TR><TR><TD>81</TD><TD>Jack Bauer brought sexy back, then shot Justin Timberlake for trying to take the credit.</TD><TD>85</TD><TD>6.41</TD></TR><TR><TD>82</TD><TD>Jack Bauer is China's birth control.</TD><TD>50</TD><TD>6.4</TD></TR><TR><TD>83</TD><TD>Jack Bauer doesn't eat honey. He chews bees.</TD><TD>51</TD><TD>6.39</TD></TR><TR><TD>84</TD><TD>Jack Bauer smokes after sex. Not cigarettes, his penis literally smokes.</TD><TD>108</TD><TD>6.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>85</TD><TD>Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.</TD><TD>2550</TD><TD>6.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>86</TD><TD>Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."</TD><TD>1538</TD><TD>6.38</TD></TR><TR><TD>87</TD><TD>Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."</TD><TD>782</TD><TD>6.37</TD></TR><TR><TD>88</TD><TD>When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.</TD><TD>2505</TD><TD>6.37</TD></TR><TR><TD>89</TD><TD>Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.</TD><TD>3396</TD><TD>6.36</TD></TR><TR><TD>90</TD><TD>If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina.</TD><TD>723</TD><TD>6.36</TD></TR><TR><TD>91</TD><TD>Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.</TD><TD>343</TD><TD>6.36</TD></TR><TR><TD>92</TD><TD>Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain in the car.</TD><TD>677</TD><TD>6.36</TD></TR><TR><TD>93</TD><TD>Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed.</TD><TD>444</TD><TD>6.36</TD></TR><TR><TD>94</TD><TD>Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.</TD><TD>2802</TD><TD>6.35</TD></TR><TR><TD>95</TD><TD>Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.</TD><TD>1548</TD><TD>6.35</TD></TR><TR><TD>96</TD><TD>In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around?</TD><TD>847</TD><TD>6.35</TD></TR><TR><TD>97</TD><TD>In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes."</TD><TD>1104</TD><TD>6.34</TD></TR><TR><TD>98</TD><TD>Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.</TD><TD>313</TD><TD>6.33</TD></TR><TR><TD>99</TD><TD>Jack Bauer went out to the desert, and was bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake died.</TD><TD>325</TD><TD>6.32</TD></TR><TR><TD>100</TD><TD>Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.</TD><TD>3627</TD><TD>6.32</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
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