Last Alliance of Wrestling

QualitySoft

credit: reversefigure4

Eclipse's note: This is the first Book It in the new "Best of the Internet" series that is coming to Wrestling Dungeon's Book It forum. This Book It now begins in its complete glory. It will take a long time to finish updating it so be prepared to wait a little bit to read all of it. It's also still going so I will update it from time to time.


I laughed as I read it, although perhaps I should have cried at just how far a lie can go. If the truth is hidden long enough, does it cease to exist? People had been taken in by the lie, alright. This was what the wrestling fans of the general public believed – but they were wrong. How could they possibly know the sinister truth behind the state of wrestling?

Still, it was a good history, as far as fiction went. I couldn’t blame this internet journo – he was just summing up what he believed to be true. I read through the tangle of lies about the wrestling world people have been taught to believe, this time in the shape of an article at www.adamryland.co.uk.

Quote:

Ryland's Review of the Wrestling Revolution The 1980's turned out a lot different to what everyone expected. Vince McMahon's attempt to dominate the US wrestling scene were foiled when the NWA stood up to him and called his bluff. Vince ended up losing the WWF name through bankruptcy. The NWA went on to be the dominant force in wrestling, although their very strength - many different members making up a larger whole - meant that no one promotion managed to go global. As we come into the new Millenium, things are poised interestingly. Of the major NWA affiliates, three stand at a national level, ready to try to go global. A few cult promotions are becoming more popular, and are attempting to move to a national stage. Finally, some smaller regional promotions are springing up. The Cast... NWA: Calgary Stampede (National) - Owned by Stu Hart, NWA:CS are the only federation promoting out of Canada. Built around the best three graduates of the Hart Family Dungeon - Bret Hart, Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho - this federation relies more on straight heavily-athletic matches, and avoids gimmicks and shock angles. NWA: East Coast (National) - Vince McMahon returned to wrestling by joining the NWA and promoting out of New York City. The promotion is built around big draws like Hogan, Rock and the Clique, and also includes Shane and Stephanie McMahon. The rest of the roster is made up of McMahon loyalists and assorted big men. NWA: Texas (National) - Built on the legacy of the Von Erich's, Dusty Rhodes has taken control of NWA:TX. The promotion is a throwback to the 1980's, with much of the roster taken up by either veterans of that era, or local Texans. The major stars are Ric Flair, Steve Austin, Mark Callaway and Randy Savage. NWA: Los Angeles (Cult) - A brainchild of Roddy Piper, NWA:LA is a two-tiered promotion. Once tier has a gritty urban feel, using people like the Gangstas to deliver chaotic violence. The other tier is a result of a deal struck with some Japanese federations, where some of their top talent like Mike Barton and Michael Modest are allowed to compete. NWA: Mexico City (Cult) - The most popular grappler in Mexico, Konnan hung up his wrestling boots and became the promoter of the biggest promotion south of the border. Focussing almost entirely on lucha libre performers like Rey Misterio and Juvi Guerrera, NWA:MC features mostly high-flying bouts. NWA: Strong Style (Cult) - Al Snow decided to try something different, and started up a US promotion based more on the Japanese style of stiff blows and submission holds. With close friend Dan Severn on board, a great talent roster was assembled, with names like Ken Shamrock and AJ Styles being the cream of the crop, plus a mass of Japanese talent due to links with other federations in the Orient. NWA: Detroit Michigan (Regional) - This promotion is a no-frills federation run by Bill Watts. The action is brutal and realistic. The roster mainly consists of hard-hitting powerhouses like the Steiners and Road Warriors, but their main selling point is the presense of Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle, who are the top two stars. NWA: Hardcore City (Regional) - Based out of Philly, Paul Heyman's promotion is the bad boy of the NWA, always looking to use shock tactics. The roster consists entirely of Heyman loyalists like Tommy Dreamer, Tazz, and Stevie Richards. At the current time, wrestling is not televised anywhere, although this is likely to change very soon. Which promotion will be first to reach the Global level? Adam Ryland, August 1, 2003

Ryland was close, as far as he went. Which pretty much meant that all he had right was the date – August, 2003. Everything else might as well have been a press release from a politician – what’s in it is strictly true, but all the important details are left out. The NWA dominates the wrestling scene, but not in the way Ryland, and everyone else thinks.

There are 8 major NWA federations. And THAT IS ALL. The entire American wrestling scene as it stands. I’m quite serious – I’m surprised people haven’t noticed yet. There are still foreign companies, of course – Puroresu is still operating strong in Japan. There is the odd European fed popping up in Germany and Russia, but that’s strictly small time... only a few steps up from Yardtards on trampolines. The WWF was the only one who could have competed, but I can’t blame McMahon for selling out to the NWA – he had a family to think about, and God knows how far they could have pushed him with it. His daughter, Stephanie, still bears scars up and down her arms. It could be nothing but a simple accident, like the stories say. But I don't believe in accidents any more. If the WWF fell to simple bankruptcy, I'll eat my hat.

To the main point - Every new indy fed that starts up without the NWA’s blessing ‘mysteriously’ fails. EVERY. LAST. ONE.

And do you want to know why?

The NWA is not what it seems. There are strong forces behind it, and crossing the NWA means crossing some serious people. The Mob, the Mafia – I don’t know about those. They could be nothing more than Hollywood fiction. But what I do know is this – the NWA is controlled, owned, and operated, by a dangerous man in the nasty business of organised crime.

Jacob Caulder. I don’t expect you to know the name, but it’s one that strike fear into my heart. Caulder isn’t the new Al Capone, of course. I suppose he might even be only relatively small-time, but I don’t know, and God knows I don’t want to know, how deep in corruption this world is. But back to Caulder. He is a crook, with his fingers in many pies. Drugs, guns, you name it… and wrestling. Jacob Caulder is the man that runs the NWA. Not officially, of course – the NWA board owns and controls the franchise. And behinds the scenes, like an evil puppet master, Caulder owns and controls them. I could see why running the whole market would be profitable; collectively, the NWA territories were probably pulling in millions, maybe billions, every year. And Caulder took a good cut for keeping out the competition.

Each division is run by it’s own bookers like Heyman and Rhodes. As far as I know, these guys aren’t crooked. Nor are the wrestlers that work for the company. They don’t know what’s going on… but I think some must suspect by now. I don’t mean to suggest the wrestling business is crooked. It’s as legit as it ever was. It’s just show business, and the show must go on. The matches are set, the promos are rolling. There’s comedy, drama, good wrestling action, and characters. It’s all sweet for wrestling fans.

But the NWA Monopoly – that stinks to high heaven.

Everyone who has stood up to Caulder has failed. Every wrestling company that has run against the NWA has fail. Through bribes, extortion, threats, and I fear even violence, Caulder has kept his grip on the wrestling world. Not one new company succeeds – Caulder makes sure of it, by hook or by crook – and he’s not a man to be stopped by the boundaries of the law.

Everyone that has opposed the monopoly of the NWA has failed – until now.

I say it’s time for a stand. I say it’s time to show Caulder that freedom is not dead. I say the time has come, to fight back!

I will not be bribed. I will not corrupted. I will not be threatened. And I will not fall to the NWA.

I’m here to make one final stand. I am here to lead it:

The Last Alliance of Wrestling.

LAW is coming for Jacob Caulder... and we won't be stopped.

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I am a wrestling fan (more like fanatic), and my name is Chase Sumner. At least, that’s the name I use now. If you’ve guessed it’s not the one I was born with, you’re catching on to how this game goes. I am… my mistake. I WAS a cop. I’d started out as a lawyer, but got the impression I wasn’t born to it. While my colleagues were re-reading precedents, I was marking out for Savage’s Flying Elbow Smash. While they were debating in chambers, I was choking on turnbuckle stuffing trying to work out how George Steele got over. Needless to say, I didn’t fit with the fancy shirt lifestyle of a lawyer. I picked a career where the law is actually enforced, not just read - I graduated from Police Academy and joined the force.

I damn sure learnt the law, though, which was what tipped me off to Caulder in the first place. I knew the monopoly laws, and as a wrestling fan, I’d noticed the NWA was quietly forming a hold on the business.

But I didn’t worry about it. I was just a simple beat officer. Involved in the odd exciting case, when I’d find myself the closest cop on call for a bank robbery, but for most part it was kiddy stuff. I gave out parking tickets, busted the odd dumb kid for smoking a joint in public… all and all I was nothing but a low-level grunt, as far as cops go. That is, until Stevie Cussler got involved. Stevie Cussler was one of my oldest friends, and another big wrestling fanatic by nature. He even started up his own indy fed, Axe Handle Wrestling. Given I wasn’t narcotics, I never asked what he was smoking when he decided that was a good name. Then again, with a last name like Cussler, Stevie knew all about strange names. Despite the oddball title, AHW succeeded, in a small indy kind of way. Which was good for me, because I was working security there. I was a rent-a-cop, basically – just keeping the peace for a few extra bucks. But AHW kept getting bigger – heck, it even grew up to it’s own little cult level.

That’s were the NWA stepped in, and that’s when my career came crashing down around my ears.

Stevie had been getting some odd calls recently, suggesting he’d walk away from AHW if he knew what was good for him. At the same time, he received an EXTREMELY generous financial offer from the NWA to buy out his company. But Stevie wouldn’t sell – he loved the business. It was never about money to him. But the calls became more specific – downright threatening. And then it all came to a head at AHW Smash City, their first PPV.

The show went down without a hitch, but I noticed Stevie wasn’t in back watching the main event. That wasn’t like him. I got worried, and went out looking. Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t.

I found Stevie, alright – been held up against the wall outside the building by a 6 foot goon, who was waving a blackjack at Stevie’s face and lecturing him on the different places he could stick it if Stevie were to decline another offer from the NWA. Stevie spat in his face, and got cracked across the arm with the blackjack. He could never play the piano again. Not that he could before, of course.

Now in my line of work, we don’t take kindly to thugs smacking civilians, particularly our friends, around with blackjacks. So I came up behind that son of a bitch, snapped the cuffs on him, and arrested his ass right there and then. Threw him in the back of my car, and dragged him off on assault charges. I interrogated him a bit, of course, asking what business the NWA has sending goons around to do their work. He clammed up mighty quick, and police procedure means I couldn’t make use of the Big Bossman’s niftier tricks with a nightstick… it’s got to be all by the book. Everything has to be done a certain way – there’s no way a cop would break the rules. I was so naïve. But I couldn’t crack him around the face like I wanted and ask him what business he had with Stevie, so I left him to stew for the night in a cell.

I checked up on Stevie in hospital – he had a bruised arm, but he was damned he was going to let that stop him. I went home and had a restful night’s sleep, then went back to have another friendly chat with my prisoner.

He was gone.

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Not busted out of jail, not bailed out by a concerned citizen – just gone, as if he’d never been there. John Preston, the cop on jail duty that night, swore black and blue I never came in, and I certainly didn’t give him a prisoner. The guy was full of crap. He’d sell his own mother for a dollar and a cup of coffee. Naturally, I took it up with the captain. He politely told me he was very busy. I not-so-politely told him what he could do with his paperwork. I never had the right attitude to get through all the proper niceties – I just tended to curse at people till something happened. A few of the boys had told me I’d be more at home as a 50s style private eye than a cop. I took it as a compliment. Still, sounding off like a drunken sailor at the captain got some attention – he said he'd certainly look into this serious matter. Next week, I was busted down to traffic duty. The system at it’s finest.

I suppose that was my queue to drop it, and forget I ever heard the name NWA. But no, I marched right back into the captain’s office and demanded an explanation. I told him Preston had been bribed, and asked what the hell he was going to do about it. A day later, he showed me exactly what he was going to do about it, as a surprise internal inspection turned up a small baggie of cocaine in my locker. This seemed to surprise nobody but me, as I didn’t do nose candy, and that crap wasn’t mine. They could never PROVE the stuff belonged to me… but just the possibility is enough when you’re a cop. I turned in my gun, my badge, and that was me off the force, one more disgraced cop. Like magic: A prisoner disappears, having never apparently existed, and then a bag of coke turns up in my locker room. David Copperfield, eat your heart out.

I had no money, and no possibilities. I had my savings, of course, but that wasn’t exactly a king’s ransom. I went back to work for Stevie at Axe Handle Wrestling, and that’s where I really learned the business. I did a bit of everything – the booking, the finances, hiring up the talent… I owe a lot to my days in AHW. I was filling in the spare time with the odd job as a bouncer or bodyguard. I couldn’t stay in work for long – nobody wants a disgraced cop unless they’re desperate.

AHW just got worse and worse, too. 3 of their top stars were suddenly offered huge raises to join various branches in the NWA. Stealing talent’s a part of life in the indies, but all 3 in one week? A 4th guy was also approached, but refused to leave AHW, even for the money. A week later, he came to Stevie, a hint of panic in his eyes, and said he had to leave the company immediately. “Family issues”, he said. It got worse from there. Sponsors pulled out, wrestlers found other commitments. The NWA kept offering a buy-out. I went back to the cops, this time as a citizen requesting help. They told me I was imagining it, that it was all coincidence. I asked them if the money successfully made up for their lack of conscience. Hell, not all the cops were under the NWA influence, not by a long shot… but when you buy the top brass, you buy the whole station.

I give Stevie credit – he never gave up on AHW. While he made new stars, I researched. Using all my means, both legal and otherwise I tracked where the corruption was leaking into the NWA. I traced it all back to Caulder. I didn’t have what you’d call legally binding proof, but I knew he was the mastermind behind it all.

AHW struggled, but it stayed afloat. Just. Mostly thanks to Stevie’s hard work and dedication, but I’d by lying if I said I wasn’t a part of it. By this stage, we were pretty dependent on each other, as work was getting harder and harder to find for me. Stevie and I were sharing a pretty mouldy apartment in a bad neighbourhood just to make ends meet. By now the offers for AHW had decreased, but they were still far more than the company was worth – and that stubborn bastard Stevie wouldn’t budge. He’d hold onto his company till hell froze over.

So Caulder escalated.

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Threats hadn’t stopped Stevie. A beating hadn’t stopped Stevie, although they never got another shot at it – I made sure of that. Anybody who looked suspicious at an AHW event got an eyeballing from me, and they probably knew they’d lose a few teeth if they tried anything. But Caulder wasn’t dumb. He knew fire stopped everything. One night, as we lay in that flea-hotel of an apartment, it caught fire. Another mysterious accident.

The police later called it suspicious circumstances, but nothing was ever proved. The bottom line is this – Caulder sent his message. I’m sure it was never meant to escalate to what it did. It was probably nothing more than another threat, but it went wrong. I still remember that night, and believe me, I’ve tried everything I know to forget it.

I work up, middle of the night, coughing and spluttering. Smoking a pack a day, this wasn’t anything new, but this time it was coming from –outside- my lungs. The place was on fire, and burning up fast. The apartment was only three steps above cardboard, so the thing went up like it was doused in gasoline. Hell, it probably was. I didn’t think about what I was doing – I just moved. I got the hell out of that flaming deathtrap as fast as my legs could carry me… and I was all the way onto the street before Stevie even entered my mind. He wasn’t as fast as me. The fire flared up – I couldn’t have gotten back in to save him. At least, that’s what I try to tell myself when I can’t sleep at night. The bottom line is this – I got out. Stevie didn’t.

Caulder backed off FAST after that. Threats and violence was one thing, but murder was another altogether. It was never meant to go this far. Stevie took his last resting place, and AHW was left to run peacefully. It fell to pieces, of course. Stevie wasn’t at the helm, and I was beside myself at this point – I could barely get up in the morning, let alone run a wrestling company. All I could seem to do was try to drown out Stevie’s last scream in the bottom of a bottle. I got help to keep me off the booze, and I’m clean now – but that came later. AHW faded into the night, like every other company that took on the NWA.

After AHW fell through, I moved away. I probably didn’t need to. Caulder likely has no idea who the hell I am – just some random security guy who hung around with Stevie. Nonetheless, I changed sides of the country, and I changed names to boot. There was no way I wanted him linking me back to Stevie. But I wanted to take Caulder down. I couldn’t do it legally – nothing linked him to anything illegal. I couldn’t do it illegally – the guy had an army of body guards, and I was just a cop – it’d be suicide. So I’m going to do it in the one place I can hurt Caulder the most – his wallet.

I was going to set up my own wrestling company, and run the NWA – every part of them – into the ground.

Stevie had left me a sum of money in his inheritance. Two Hundred G’s, to be exact. It was a good whack if I wanted to retire, but peanuts to run a wrestling company on. Still, better than nothing. The Last Alliance of Wrestling was underway…

I was figuring on having to run the whole thing by myself, but then life changed again – this broad knocked on my door. She sure was something – fiery red hair, a curvaceous body, and something in her eyes that said she’d seen a lot more than she was telling. She said her name was Sophie, and I’ll buy that – for now. But if that was her real name, then I’m Humphrey Bogart. She offered to work for free, and that sealed the deal – I hired her on the spot.

I checked her out, of course – what sort of fool do you take me for? Her records were clean, and I called in a few favours with a few old buddies on the force to confirm – she wasn’t working with Caulder. I mentioned his name once in her presence, and she tried to hide it, but I saw something move in those pretty blue eyes of hers. It looked awful close to hate. She knew him, alright. I don’t know how, but I’ve learned to read people pretty well – whatever she had to do with Caulder, she sure wasn’t his buddy. I could almost sense what her secret was… it was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t quite get it.

This chick was switched on to the wrestling business, though. Between her contacts and mine, we scrounged up a decent roster. I’m sure you may not have heard of some of them, but they’ve made themselves small names in the business. We certainly had a few choices. There were lots of workers who couldn’t get in with the NWA, and if you couldn’t get in with them, you didn’t get in anywhere. But our size, not to mention our finances, kept us out of the running for the really big stars... for now.

Sophie did a lot of the hard work – she found us a few sponsors, checked our image, and wrote it all up, nice and proper. She even surveyed the fans to find out how well-known our guys were. She was good like that, not to mention easy on the eyes walking round the office. The sponsors were the hard part – we were an unknown fed, and pretty risky to boot. Hey, this ain’t a kid’s show, this is wrestling. Still, she got them, some way or another.

I admit, I was excited about running LAW. It wasn’t all about taking down the NWA – I legitimately enjoyed running a fed. I didn’t expect my business with Caulder to affect the public product – everyone was just playing a character, after all. Just another indy fed. For a while, at least.

Enhancer's Current Status:

ALPHA 0.01 finished

QualitySoft

Last Alliance of Wrestling (LAW)

Size: Small
Public Image: 20%
Finances: $200,000
Risk: 70%
Production: 10%
Advertising: 10%
Merchandising: 0%

The advertising budget was a little excessive, but hey – if we didn’t get our name out there, we had no chance at all. A fed that nobodies heard of is no fed at all.

I looked over the guys we’d picked up for the show, and thought over what I knew about them.

Alexis Machine, Face, 30 Over: A fairly decent brawler, and built like a tank to boot. I don’t know a lot about Alexis, but Sophie gave him a strong recommendation. A tall but muscular guy, Machine was pretty easy going, but he looked like a million bucks in the ring. The guy had ‘superstar’ written all over him. He’s pretty handy with suplexes, and uses the Breakdown (Steiner Recliner) as a submission finisher, and he’s known to throw a nice Lexis-Plex (Head and Shoulders TazzPlex), too. Damn charismatic, the guy had stage presence – I’d see what he could do.

‘Big Time’ Barry Hammond, Face, 14 Over: The only thing big about Hammond was his weight – the guy clocked in at around 350 pounds, making his superplex finisher even more spectacular. Ironically, he plays a bit of a mafia style gimmick, acting as a black gangster and coming out to the ring decked in chains and jewellery. A pretty mediocre wrestler, but he was cheap, at least. He’s a half joke character, with no idea how to rap or talk street style, but he sure tries.

‘Canadian Sensation’ Ryan Wing, Face, 21 Over: Wing was a guy I’d seen wrestle before over the years, and I knew he was good. Dead humble, he refused to accept credit for a good match, but I knew I could have him winning over crowds. Wing didn’t look like much – just a skinny lightweight with long blonde hair, but he had that likeable quality about him. Used a Northern Lights Suplex for a finish. Wing really should have made it in NWA Canada, but he ran into politics – his ex-girlfriend Trish Stratus put pressure on Stu Hart to have him out of the company. And once you’re out of NWA, you’re out till they say otherwise.

The Flying Armadillo, Face, 16 Over: A local wrestler with one of the most ridiculous gimmicks on the planet. He wore a cape and an armadillo mask, and was mostly just a comedy jobber. I guess he was supposed to be some sort of weirdo superhero, but people just laughed at him.The local crowds really digged the character, and LAW could use it’s joker. On the rare occasion he gets to hit it, his finisher is the Armadillonator, which is about the damndest name for a simple spinning heel kick I’ve ever heard. This guy was a double bonus for me – when he wasn’t wrestling, he’d use the name Frankie and work as a colour commentator, at no extra charge. It was another part of his gimmick that nobody knew Frankie was the Armadillo, even though he left ringside every time he had a match. People liked that sort of nonsense.

Kurt “The Inferno” Stryker, Face, 19 Over: A german wrestler, Kurt isn’t very well known around here. Stevie used to talk about bringing him over for some shows, though, as he's a good wrestler. He plays a bit of a firebug character, which has really caught on in Germany – we’ll have to see how it does here. He’s apparently famed for being able to hit his finishing German suplex out of practically anywhere.

‘Smoothsteps’ Shawn Wright, Face, 40 Over: I’m sure there’s a by-law saying every wrestling company needs a dancing character, and this is ours. Young and handsome, Wright is the personification of cool… I suppose. I personally wouldn’t know cool if it ran me down in the street, but Sophie seems to be more up with the play than me, and the ladies sure like Wright, making him a pretty over character. He rips off Disco Inferno a bit by not only calling his finisher the Last Dance, but making it the same move (A stunner) as well.

Azrael and Gabriel, Heels, 33 and 30 Over: These two have done some great teaming on the indy circuit as The Lost Boyz, and both go for the gothic look. They play some creepy characters, claiming themselves to be demons. Decent wrestlers to boot, plus LAW needed a proper team to get it going.

Shiro Yamada, Heel, 50 Over: One of the biggest assholes in the business. Yamada made his name in Japan, where people dubbed him “The Career Killer” behind his back. He’s called that because he’s reckless. Working stiffly is a part of the culture in Japan, but Yamada is just downright dangerous. Unfortunately, he’s extremely talented, as well as the most over name LAW has. Uses a Tiger Driver 91 for a finisher, despite numerous requests not to. Yamada never talks to anyone, on or off-show, but I don’t think he speaks a lot of English. To top it off, the guy wears a full face mask that looks like a hockey mask – maybe so none of the other wrestlers ever recognise him and beat him up when he’s out in public.

Doug Delicious, Heel, 12 Over: A journeyman from Memphis, Double D isn’t particularly good, but he’s will to work with anyone, so he’s good to have around. Recently, he’s been playing a narcissistic Prima Donna style character, claiming he’s just delicious… to the point where he comes off as quite effeminate. It seems to work for him, so we’ll keep it up in LAW. Uses a Double Arm DDT as a finish.

Garrett Jaxx, Heel, 26 Over: Character-wise, this guy is a disrespectful little SOB, who knows he's better than everyone and refuses to respect anyone or anything. Uses a Death Valley Driver to end his matches. He’s prone to refusing handshakes, spitting on his opponents, and sneering at the fans – anything to piss people off. Fortunately, he’s a nice enough guy in real life.

‘Psycho’ Mike Legion, Tweener, 24 Over: Anything goes when Legion’s around – his character is a no fear, no-holds barred brawler, and he’s damn good at it. Very charismatic, Legion’s managed to convince plenty of people that’s he’s actually insane and dangerous. Mike Legion legitimately lost one eye playing about with chemicals as a kid, so he now wears an eyepatch to add to his image. Uses the Psycho Driver and the Legion Spike (A reverse DVD and a Snow Plow respectively) as his finishers.

None of these guys know what they’re getting into – as far as any of the wrestlers know, LAW is nothing more than an indy fed.

We were set us with some staff, too. A referee by the name of Brett Blades. He was no damn good, of course, but he could count to three and would take the miniature paycheque I was offering, so he’s hired. I also hired Road Agent Chris Lenart. The guy made his living reading crowds, so he could tell me what the fans were thinking while they watching the show. Good to know.

We were all set for the first show.

Enhancer's Current Status:

ALPHA 0.01 finished

QualitySoft

LAW: New Beginnings

I was nervous, but this was it – our first show. A strictly no-frills affair, this was just a small show with no extras. Not even a play by play commentator, although we had Frankie on colour when he wasn’t wrestling. Of course, we had the advertising – the arena looked like a giant 3d flier with the amount of posters and things we had around. Still, our sponsors are paying big money for it.

I had my road agent Chris Lenart beside me to tell me what the crowd was thinking. He could put it all into percentages, and tell me who was getting over. Good to know, so I thought I’d write down what went down, and what I thought about it… just for posterity’s sake, you understand.

The Introduction

We opened up on Frankie in his non-armadillo role, on the commentary table.
He looks kinda ridiculous dressed in a suit jacket with wrestling tights underneath. Particularly since half the crowd can clearly see the Armadillo mask and cape he has bundled up next to him. He got in the ring to tell people what was going on. We had a cheap mic, but it was good enough to get his voice around to the crowd.

Frankie: “Ladies and Gentlemen welcome, to the opening event of the Last Alliance of Wrestling! LAW is proud to present New Beginnings! Here, we bring some of the best wrestlers in the independent wrestling world to you. But there can be only one man at the top of the mountain – only one man can become the LAW World Champion! We want the absolute best as the champ, so we’ve prepared a wild tournament – so wild we can’t fit it all into one show, which is why LAW’s title tournament will culminate at next month’s show, Crowning of a Champion. But tonight we will find out who will advance – and every match is crucial. Ladies and Gentlemen, in tonight’s matches – EVERY WINNER will advance to the second half of the tournament. And every loser will go home empty-handed. It’s time for New Beginnings to begin!”

Huh, that Frankie’s got a hell of a voice on him – he’d be right at home as at a carnival or as an auctioneer. Good stuff.

Overall: 68%
The Flying Armadillo debuted his new gimmick (Comedy Character), it got a positive response. The Flying Armadillo gained overness from this segment.

The Lost Boyz were up next with a promo

Azrael: “We are the Lost Boyz. We are the creatures of dreams…”
Gabriel: “…creatures of nightmares.”
Azrael: “I am Azrael…”
Gabriel: “… and I am Gabriel. We have come to bring redemption to the sinners of the Last Alliance of Wrestling. We have come to save them.”
Azrael: “But the road to perdition is not an easy one… one must do as Gabriel and I have. You must pass through the fire and the tests of pain… all sinners must prove themselves worthy of redemption.”
Gabriel: “We seek lost souls, like ourselves. Come, follow the Lost Boyz, and we shall guide you…”
Azrael: “Guide to our master, Satan…”

Oh…kay. They want to redeem sinners, THEN take them to hell? This crowd’s hardly fundamentalists, but they drew the line when Satan came into it, and the Lost Boyz started making upside down crosses. Time to tone the gimmick down a little.

Overall: 54%
Azrael debuted his new gimmick (Occult), it got a negative response. Gabriel debuted his new gimmick (Occult), it got a negative response. Azrael gained overness from this segment. Gabriel gained overness from this segment.

The Lost Boyz vs Big Time Barry Hammond and The Flying Armadillo

Hammond makes his way out pulling off all sorts of hand signs he assures me will give him street cred, and is known as “bling-blinging”. I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about, but it’s certainly a sight to watch a gigantic fat black man decked out in chains try to look cool on his way to the ring. The Flying Armadillo comes out in full attire, cape and all, as the crowd blatantly notices Frankie is missing from his commentary position. A few “We want Frankie” calls go up. The Lost Boyz turn him into the Flying Armadillo literally, chucking him over the top rope. Azrael and Gabriel make a good team, and pretty much pick apart the other two with double-teams. Hammond eventually throws his weight around and sets Gabriel up for a superplex, but Azrael pulls him down… shaking the whole damn ring in the process. Remind me to have that reinforced some time. The Lost Boyz hit an Unholy Roller, their double-team finisher, on Big Time to win it.

Crowd: 37%
Match: 69%
Overall: 53%
Big Time Barry Hammond debuted his new gimmick (Sucka), it got a positive response.

‘Canadian Sensation’ Ryan Wing vs Doug Delicious

Wing looks crisp, and I mean fucking crisp out there. That kid’s going to be big money some day. Double D’s well used to bumping, so that’s what he does here, as Wing takes flight. Wing hits a nice series to try and get the crowd into it, climbing up to the top rope and hitting a flying elbow drop. I love that move. Crowd still isn’t sold… I think some of them left after the nonsense with the Lost Boyz. Wing ain’t done, though, as he hops straight back up and hits a moonsault, but then misses with his third try, as Double D moves out of the way of a leg drop off the top. The crowd shuts down a bit as Delicious goes on offence, as he’s a bit plodding. He takes a breather to strut for the crowd, running his fingers through his hair and mouthing “Delicious” to the fans. He sets up for the Double Arm DDT, but Wing flips him over out of nowhere – into a Northern Lights Suplex, 1,2,3!

Crowd: 24%
Match: 73%
Overall: 48%
Ryan Wing debuted his new gimmick (Blue Chipper), it got a positive response. Doug Delicious debuted his new gimmick (Prima Donna), it got a positive response.

Garrett Jaxx vs ‘Smoothsteps’ Shawn Wright

Wright dances out all the way to the ring, then frames up a female fan at ringside with his hands. He takes the time to take off his sunglasses and places them on her head… nice touch, I thought, even if the things are only worth a buck or two at the markets. Jaxx proceeds to do the polar opposite, approaching the same fan and removing the sunglasses, then crushing them on the ground. It’s fairly obvious the woman’s a plant, but hey – it got the fans cheering Wright and booing Jaxx, so it’s all good. Late on in the match, they close up with a sequence of finisher reversals. Jaxx picks Wright up for a DVD, Wright rolls off and goes for the Last Dance. Jaxx tries to shove Wright towards the ropes, but Wright holds on, as they both collapse into the ropes and spill out to the floor. They then proceed to head off for a spot of crowd-brawling. The ref reminds them it’s just a standard match, and counts them both out, making it a draw. Ooh, crowd didn’t like that result. Too bad, folks – come back and buy a ticket to see who wins the inevitable rematch. Wright and Jaxx don’t halt for the bell, though, brawling out back through the crowd and out of sight.

Crowd: 37%
Match: 79%
Overall: 58%
Smoothsteps Shawn Wright debuted his new gimmick (Fun Babyface), it got a positive response.

Alexis Machine hops in next for a pre-match promo.

Machine: “My name is Alexis Machine, and my occupation is professional ass-kicker! I’m big, I’m bad, and I’m damn sure mad – and I’m going to be the champ around here. I’m sure everyone would love to see me beat the tar out somebody, and that’s just what I’m planning on. So Yamada, you masked bastard, get out here, and take a good old fashioned American style ass whooping!”

Ah, the good old playing on the patriotic harp. His opponent’s foreign, which automatically makes him evil according to the rules of wrestling.

Overall: 69%
Alexis Machine debuted his new gimmick (Bad Ass), it got a positive response. Alexis Machine gained overness from this segment.

Alexis Machine vs Shiro Yamada

Sure enough, the ever faithful “U-S-A” chants break out as the match starts. Kind of stupid, but I guess the fans don’t know Machine’s at least ¼ Russian. Yamada demonstrates why he’s worth what I’m paying him so damn much, as a few of the fans have even heard of him. We did advertise him pretty predominantly in our fliers as a Japanese superstar. Machine just uses nothing but power here, pulling out a few T-Bone Suplexes. He hits the Lexis-Plex, but only gets two. Yamada takes Machine’s head off with a stiff roundhouse kick, quite literally. Stiff bastard. He tries for a TD91, but Machine backdrops him out of it. Yamada finishes like a good foreign heel, backsliding Machine and putting his feet on the ropes for leverage to steal the three.

Crowd: 44%
Match: 79%
Overall: 61%

Mike Legion heads out to the ring next.

I can see a few fans eyeballing him, and I can’t blame them – he’s quite a sight with a ripped shirt and that damn eyepatch. He’s added to the effect by not shaving for a few says, giving him a nice castaway style beard.

Legion: “I promise, I’ll give you what you all came to see – blood! Some people call me ‘Psycho’ but they don’t understand my unique talents. You see this eye?”

Legion lifts up his eyepatch showing he’s indeed missing an eye. I laugh as a few of the crowd gasp – every thought it was a fake.

“I lost that eye playing about with dangerous things. Everyone said I had no fear, so I know I’m in the right business. I’m going to do whatever it takes, however I need to, to become the World Champion around here – now let’s get psycho!”

Overall: 54%
Psycho Mike Legion debuted his new gimmick (Psycho), it got a positive response. Psycho Mike Legion gained overness from this segment.

Kurt Stryker vs ‘Psycho’ Mike Legion, Hardcore Match

Nobody has the slightest idea who Stryker is, but it’s kinda obvious he’s german. He fights the evil foreigner effect though, by coming out playing with a cigarette lighter and staring into the flame. What a wonderful message for all the impressionable kiddies out there… but then, if they’re watching this show, their parents probably need an ass-kicking. I also observe that Stryker has no eyebrows… I won’t ask why.

Anyway, every good indy fed needs at least one gimmick match on the card, and this one’s a hardcore match to close out the show. You know how these things work – the guys beat each other around with trash cans lids, popcorn, beer cups, and whatever else is lying around. They generally make for pretty poor matches, too. Psycho provides the blood as promised, blading himself as Stryker dropkicks a chair into his head. Stryker gets a nice pop when he goes for a table, but the crowd falls apart when the table legs do as Kurt tries to set it up. Cheap indy tables. Legion improvises by throwing a chair into Stryker’s head and giving him a Legion Spike, but only gets two. He follows it up with a Psycho Driver ON the chair, folding Stryker’s neck up like an accordion, and THAT will be all – 1,2,3.

Crowd: 30%
Match: 68%
Overall: 49%
Kurt Stryker debuted his new gimmick (Pyromaniac), it got a positive response.

Overall Show: 55%
Match of the Night: Shiro Yamada vs Alexis Machine
Worst Match of the Night: Ryan Wing vs Doug Delicious

Backstage, I found the Lost Boyz merrily planning their next appearance. As I walked up behind them, I caught their discussion.

Gabriel: “So we’ll get the goat, right, and take it out there, right, and get the knife, right-”

“Uh, Gabriel, don’t mean to interrupt… but you guys have got to tone it down out there. I don’t mind pushing the envelope a little, but hailing Satan in the middle of a show? Last thing we need is negative publicity here. Keep it gothic, not Satanic.”

Azrael: “We understand, but doing a 180 on our gimmicks might hurt us a little.”

“Too bad. Crowd hated it, so did I, tone it down.”

I walked away, only just catching Azrael asking his partner under his breath where they were supposed to dispose of a goat now. Okaaaaaaay.

Sophie told me people liked the show overall – in fact, our Public Image has gone up to 25% now. Even better, we actually made money: at the end of the month, we took $5000 profit! If I was looking to make my fortune, this was the wrong business… but of course, that wasn’t what I was after. But as long as we make money, we stay in business.

I got news that LAW weren’t the only ones in business – a new fed by the name of Total Championship Wrestling appeared, and promptly signed up a few names like Lance Silva and Rising Son. However, they were set up in a Backyard, so I figured they were blowing the budget early. They’re no threat to LAW, and they’ll probably go ‘smash’ pretty quickly on their own. If not, Caulder’s always around to give them a brief nudge… but I don’t think he’ll bother for small potatoes outfits like LAW and TCW.

Halfway through September, I was proven right about TCW – they fired half their workers, having yet to put on a show. They then rehired half of them. The guy running it obviously didn’t listen much during common sense class.

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ALPHA 0.01 finished

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LAW Crowning of a Champion

The Introduction

Frankie gets up with a mic to open the show. A few hecklers start calling that they want the Flying Armadillo, as Frankie pretends he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. At least the gimmick gets people into it, even if he’ll never make for a serious threat to anyone.

Frankie: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome! The Last Alliance of Wrestling proudly presents… Crowning of a Champion! Tonight, we will see the first ever LAW World Champion, with three semi-final matches. Everyone who did not lose last month will be in the semi-finals, including both Shawn Wright and Garrett Jaxx as a result of their drawn match. The winners will advance into tonight’s main event – a triple threat for the World Title! Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time to open the show – enjoy the Crowning of a Champion!”

Man, that guy’s got a bellowing voice on him that would put Jimmy Hart to shame. No wonder the crowd eats it up.

Overall: 62%
The Flying Armadillo gained overness from this segment.

Doug Delicious cuts a promo

I think he’s getting more into his gimmick, as he’s brushing his hair with a bright pink brush while he speaks.

Double D: “OK, boys and girls, you’re about to see what a real man looks like in action. Unlike my opponent Barry Hammond, who is overweight, and grotesquely ugly to boot! ‘Big Time’ indeed – the only thing big about that nasty man is his stomach. But not like me, me, Double D – I’m just ABSolutely delicious!”

Delicious rubs his abs on the ABSolutely, driving home the pun with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Well, I certainly want to punch him now, so we can assume that promo worked.

Overall: 48%
Doug Delicious gained overness from this segment.

Doug Delicious vs Big Time Barry Hammond

Delicious immediately hits Hammond with the brush to start with, which Big Time thankfully no-sells. I mean, a hairbrush? Good for getting heat, bad for fighting with. They go through a pretty slow paced match, and the crowd’s finding it a little hard to get into. But hey, this is only the opener. The idea is for the show to go uphill from here…. In theory, anyway. Delicious actually hits the Double Arm DDT, but won’t cover him. Double D heads outside to show off his pecs to a few ladies. You know, this gimmick would work better if he actually had a decent build, but I guess the humour value is in watching him delude himself. Delicious rolls back in and sizes up Big Time for another Double Arm DDT, but Hammonds shoves him off and mangles him in the corner with an avalanche. Hoisted up top, and one Superplex later, Big Time pins Double D to win it.

Crowd: 24%
Match: 64%
Overall: 44%

Shiro Yamada vs ‘Psycho’ Mike Legion, World Title Semi-Final

Out trots the good old “U-S-A” bandwagon as Yamada heads for the ring. As much as I personally hate it, the old evil foreigner bit does make him the most over guy on the roster. Legion tears into him right off the bat with a whole load of punches, then headbutts, then bites his fingers! The ref pulls him off, and Yamada takes control with some good chain wrestling, then picks Legion up and drops him on his head with a Murder Backdrop, another one of the moves I specifically asked him not to do. Prick. He tries one of those ungodly Japanese flying moves, with a spinning 720 diving moonsaulty type deal. It’s probably called the Flying Space Tiger Monkey Drop Slam, or something, but I haven’t the foggiest. Shiro gets a sunset flip, but gets seen using the ropes. The ref cautions him. Legion goes a step further in the illegal scale, grabbing a chair from ringside and braining Yamada with it. I really hope that hurt. Legion gets DQed and Yamada advances to the finals, as Legion runs around with the chair grinning like a maniac.

Crowd: 43%
Match: 74%
Overall: 58%

‘Smoothsteps’ Shawn Wright vs Garrett Jaxx, World Title Semi-Final

Wright comes out moonwalking his way to ringside. The crowd likes it. Jaxx doesn’t, so he cheapshots him from behind while Wright dances. Ain’t that always the way? Wright goes airborne, controlling with a handful of quick high-flying moves. He goes for a missile dropkick, but Jaxx rolls under it, drawing a nice pop from the crowd. Jaxx works over the knee, grounding Wright. They play it up a bit more, as Jaxx frantically curses while Wright struggles through. Wright fights back with a sudden dropkick, further jolting the knee. Jaxx works him over with a few shinbreakers.

He tries to end it with a Texas Cloverleaf, but Wright makes it to the ropes. Wright gets in a few comeback moves, knocking Jaxx down with a closeline. Thankfully, he’s got a good enough grasp of psychology not to dance on the injured knee. He goes for the Last Dance, but Jaxx pushes him into the ropes and picks him up for the Death Valley Driver – and quick as hell, Wright rolls off it into a crucifix for the pin, 1,2,3! Jaxx doesn’t even pause to acknowledge he’s lost, promptly hitting the DVD on Wright anyway. A man after my own heart. He spits on Wright before walking out. Unhygienic, but heelish.

Crowd: 38%
Match: 80%
Overall: 59%

Kurt Stryker vs Alexis Machine

An all-american badass vs the guy that teaches our children it’s good to play with fire. I guess this makes it a face vs face matchup, so the crowd have trouble deciding who to rally behind. I admit, this is really just here to put both guys on the card, but they’re both competent wrestlers, so why not? Stryker’s really more of a high-flier, but Machine doesn’t work like that, so they end up trading suplexes. Stryker nearly wins it, planting Machine with a textbook bridging German Suplex, but Machine grabs the ropes to break up the count. Stryker charges, but gets hot shotted and dropped throat first into the ropes. He turns around, right into a Lexis-Plex, and Machine then locks on the Breakdown for the submission win.

Crowd: 30%
Match: 74%
Overall: 52%

The Lost Boyz get some mic time

Azrael: “Ryan Wing… The so-called Canadian Sensation. Such a title is surely a sign of hubris…”
Gabriel: “Pride is a sin, young one. It comes before a fall, and the time to fall is now. Wing, you could not hope to face one Lost Boy, let alone both.”Azrael: “You shall falter, fail, and fall – for none can resist the power of lost souls such as us.”

I liked it a lot better with the less blatant Satanism. The crowd seemed to be wondering why they dropped it, after clearly showing they hated it last time. Fickle fans, but what am I gunna do about it?

Overall: 62%
The fans were confused by the gimmick change of Azrael (to Gothic) so soon after his last one. The fans were confused by the gimmick change of Gabriel (to Gothic) so soon after his last one. Azrael gained overness from this segment. Gabriel gained overness from this segment.

Ryan Wing vs Azrael vs Gabriel, World Title Semi-Final

Another one of those good old “Triple Threat that might as well be a handicap match” style matches. They always seem to go down nicely in my experience, and it got the crowd rallying behind Wing a little. Azrael and Gabriel beat the crap out of Wing, double-teaming him left, right, and center. Wing struggles to fight back, but the Lost Boyz hit the Unholy Roller without much trouble. Heel dissention time, as Azrael and Gabriel fight over who gets to take the pin and go on to the final. As per unviolatable wrestling tradition, they fight it out for a while giving Wing the chance to make his underdog comeback. The Lost Boyz finally take Wing down again, and Azrael goes up top as Gabriel holds Wing. Azrael’s faith is naturally misguided, as Gabriel shoves him off the top rope out to the floor! Nice bump. Gabriel looks a little concerned about his partner – and Wing promptly flips Gabriel into a Northern Lights Suplex for the 3 count.

Crowd: 35%
Match: 74%
Overall: 54%

Ryan Wing vs Shawn Wright vs Shiro Yamada, LAW World Title Match

I do wonder if I made a mistake booking two back to back triple threat matches, but the crowd doesn’t seem to mind. Wing is still lying in the ring as Frankie on commentary tries to push the point that he’s the underdog, as he’s just wrestled one match immediately before while Yamada and Wright got resting time. Yamada, being evil and all, takes advantage of this and beats Wing up early, not waiting for Wright to make his entrance. The crowd rallies behind Wing with more “U-S-A” chants. Hello? “Canadian Sensation”? I guess Yamada is the only evil foreigner, but I really question the sanity of wrestling fans sometimes.

Shawn Wright finally gets his ass into the ring, limping a little to sell the leg from his earlier match. Yamada chop blocks him and puts on a few of those weird rolling Japanese submissions. Wright looks close to tapping on an STF, but Wing breaks it up. Wing and Yamada trade some high-flying stuff. Yamada tosses Wing, and Wright catches the Last Dance out of nowhere on Yamada. He only gets two, though, because the ever lovely Shiro came to my office before the show and DEMANDED to kick out of a finisher or two tonight.

Yamada decides he hasn’t done enough yet, and busts Wright’s eyebrow open with a right hand, giving the crowd their blood fix for the night. Yamada potatoes him a few times, refusing to pull his punches. Christ, I’m surprised nobody in Japan shooted on this guy and injured him yet. Wing’s back into it, taking down Yamada and suplexing Wright onto the ropes. Wright recovers on the apron as Wing hits a Northern Lights Suplex on Yamada! 1,2, and Wright breaks it up with a springboard senton onto Wing, who’s in the bridge! SWANKY, and there’s a round of applause from the crowd for that spot.

All three guys fight up to their feet, and Wing takes a nasty bump as Yamada gives out ANOTHER Murder Backdrop. Wing’s more or less out to lunch. As the ref checks on him, Yamada promptly boots Wright directly in the nuts, cementing him as evil. All the “U-S-A” chants in the world won’t help now, as Yamada hits the Tiger Driver 91 on Wright to secure the 1,2,3.

An excellent match by indy standards. Shiro Yamada is now the first LAW World Champion, as easily the best worker on the roster. I just wish I could hire a big star who WASN’T a total prat.

Crowd: 43%
Match: 83%
Overall: 63%
The LAW World title has gained in image.

Overall: 55%
Match of the Night: Yamada vs Wright vs Wing, World Title
Worst Match of the Night: Double D vs Big Time Barry Hammond

I went back after the show and congratulated all the guys on another good show. Except Yamada, of course – he had left immediately. Hammond was amused the guys by putting on one of his god-awful rap efforts… I definitely need to get him doing that in front of a crowd sometime.

I pulled Ryan Wing aside, as he looked wobbly as hell.

“Ryan, you alright? You want me to take you down to the hospital or something?”

Wing shook his head, nearly collapsing with the effort: “No, no… I’ll be fine. I just got dropped right on my head – twice, actually. I need to lie down.”

“Hell, I’m sorry about that, Ryan. Shiro’s already left, but I’ll have a word with the bastard next time I-”

Wing: “Chase, it’s fine – after all, it was just an accident. It’s not like anyone goes into wrestling and deliberately tries to hurt the other guy. I’m sure Shiro didn’t mean it.”

I sighed. Wing was a nice guy, but pretty naïve. Shiro had spotted the best worker in the company, and taken him out before Wing could become a threat to his spot. Pure class.

Still, it had all gone pretty well. Lenart thought the show wasn’t any better than the last one, but attendance was up and we had a world champion now. Plus, we were financially healthy, pulling in another $5000.

I shouldn’t have done it, but I went and spent some of the profit, taking Sophie out dancing. She was happy we were succeeding, and hell – she’d done half the work anyway. I figured she deserved it. I assure you, my reasons were entirely noble, and had nothing to do with my desire to see her dressed up and shaking that body. And if you believe that, I have some lakefront property in the Sahara you may be interested in buying.

My lecherous nature aside, there was something interesting about Sophie. She was happy LAW was surviving, but she seemed to have a sad glint in her eye some of the time. Most people wouldn’t see it, but I’m a pretty perceptive guy when I’m looking for something. She knows more than she’s telling, and I think she knows that LAW is more than just another indy fed to me. LAW means more than that to her as well... I just wonder what.

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LAW Danger Zone

The Introduction

Frankie hops up to open the show with a mic in his hand.

Frankie: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome, to Danger Zone! Tonight, in our main event, the LAW World Title will be defended – Alexis Machine challenges Shiro Yamada, in that very ring. Whoever wins that match will know who they face next month, because tonight there will ALSO be a number 1 contenders match, to decide who will next face the World Champion! This match will be between ‘Psycho’ Mike Legion, and the Canadian Sensation Ryan Wing. The Last Alliance of Wrestling feels that being a contender requires blood, sweat, and tears – which is why the match will be a First Blood match!

Also on the card, Ladies and Gentlemen – say, look over there!”

With overly exaggerated gestures, Frankie points to the other side of the arena. Around a dozen people turn to see what he’s pointing at, but most spy Frankie rolling underneath the ring. After a minute’s pause, The Flying Armadillo rolls out the other side. Nobody is fooled, but it gets a good laugh.

Overall: 63%
The Flying Armadillo gained overness from this segment.

Doug Delicious vs The Flying Armadillo

“Armadillo – AWAY!” yells Frankie… uh, sorry, The Flying Armadillo, as he “flies” around at ringside, waving his cape around. Double D’s quite content to just look at himself for a while, but they finally lock up and get to it. Between the Flying Armadillo’s posing and efforts to fly, and Delicious’ stops to show of his body, this is mostly a joke match. Good thing, too, because these guys are hardly technical experts. The crowd is behind the Flying Armadillo (I guess) with some very light “We Want Frankie” chants. Armadillo eventually whips Delicious into the ropes and goes for the ridiculously named Armadillonator, but Double D hooks the ropes, leaving Armadillo to taste canvas. One Double Arm DDT later, it’s all over, with Delicious picking up the win.

Crowd: 28%
Match: 66%
Overall: 42%

It's Hammer Time

Big Time Barry Hammond ‘grooves’ his way to the ring, with more gold chains on him than a pimp convention.

Hammond: “Yo, yo, yo – gimme a beat!”

No sound at all is heard, so Hammond starts his freestyle without music.

Hammond:
“Yo, yo, my name’s Big Time, and I’m here to say
Got a match with da Lost Boyz, uh… A-OK!
Yo, my partner’s gonna be da smoothstepping Shawn Wright;
We’re one funky team when we dance…. Um… uh… All right!
Word, Life, Dawg!”

There’s a few rounds of laughter, a bit of good natured booing, and some genuine booing from the people in the audience that don’t seem to pick up that it’s a self-parody. Then again, that was mighty bad.

Overall: 51%
Big Time Barry Hammond gained overness from this segment.

Big Time Barry Hammond and Shawn Wright vs The Lost Boyz

Wright does his usual routine, strutting his way to ringside and handing off his sunglasses to a female fan. He gets in the ring and dance some more as Hammond tries to imitate him. And fails. Badly. You haven’t lived till you’ve seen a 350 pound black man trying and horribly failing to bust a move. After a few minutes of standard tag action, the lights go out as the Lost Boyz signal, then flick back on to reveal Hammond beaten down in the ring. Heel double teaming on Hammond for a while, keeping him away from the hot tag to Wright. Big Time eventually backs – after Azrael grounds him with a chinlock, Hammond staggers up, leaving Azrael hanging off his neck. Gabriel jumps in and climbs on Hammond with a second chinlock, and Big Time lumbers across the ring with both Lost Boyz hanging off his neck to get the hot tag to Shawn Wright.

Wright drops both Lost Boyz, then pulls out one of his favourite moves – he slams Gabriel down, turns his back… then moonwalks across the ring backwards to Gabriel and hits a standing moonsault onto him. If the People’s Elbow got over, a moonwalk moonsault certainly can too. Hammond recovers and mashes Azrael into the corner with an avalanche. The Lost Boy stumbles out – right into a Last Dance from Wright for the 3 count and the win.

Crowd: 41%
Match: 74%
Overall: 51%

Kurt Stryker vs Garrett Jaxx

You know, Stryker’s gimmick would be a lot cooler if he had some decent pyrotechnics for his entrance. Holding his hand over a cigarette lighter and nearly burning his fingers in the process is… interesting, but hardly high-tech. Still, it’s not like we can afford anything better. These two are among the best workers on the roster, so it’s a pretty good match-up. Stryker tries three times for the German Suplex, but Jaxx flips in mid-air and lands on his feet each time. He drops Kurt with a modified Michinoku driver, then grabs the lighter and starts mocking Stryker, waving it around like a groupie and making stupid faces. It’s one of those “Don’t touch the urn” moment, as Stryker kips up and nails a leg lariat. He goes for the German Suplex again – and Jaxx reverses it mid move, rolling forward into a Victory Roll! 1,2,3!

Stryker looks impressed and offers a handshake, but Jaxx spits at the extended hand and rolls out of the ring, ignoring it.

Crowd: 36%
Match: 78%
Overall: 51%

And Stryker's not happy

Stryker grabs the mic in one hand and pulls out his custom made cigarette lighter out. It’s got flames painted up and down the side, and he flicks it on. He stares into the flame as he talks.

Stryker: “I did not come here to be spat on. I did not come here to be insulted. I did not come here to be mocked. I came here to fight. I don’t mind losing, but I don’t like to be disrespected. Beware, Jaxx – I’m not a man you want to cross. *He brings the flame closer to his face* You would be wise to remember one thing – when you play with fire, you get burned!”

His German accent isn’t very strong, thankfully, so the crowd didn’t pick up on it. I would have been just about ready to kill someone if I heard another bloody “U-S-A” chant go up. But I guess since Stryker likes fire, he’s alright with the fans. Crazy world.

Overall: 61%
Kurt Stryker gained overness from this segment.

‘Psycho’ Mike Legion vs Ryan Wing, First Blood Match, No1 Contendership

Looking at the scars on Legion and the missing eye, I’d say Wing looks a touch out of his depth in a hardcore style match. Wing starts off with some solid mat wrestling, controlling Legion, but not drawing any blood. He hits a nice standing rana, but that’s not what the crowd wants to see. Legion tears into Wing with some big right hands and savage headbutts. He tries to bite Wing, drawing a few cries for blood from the crowd. Dam ghouls. Legion rallies them up by picking up a chair from ringside and swinging wildly. He rolls back into the ring and takes a shot at Wing, who ducks. The chair hits the top rope and bounces back into Legion’s face, but still no blood. Wing puts the chair down in the middle of the ring, and drops Legion onto it with a Northern Lights Suplex! Easy pin, but wrong sort of match.

Wing punches away at Legion trying to draw the juice, but gets planted with a Legion Spike out of nowhere. Legion lines up as Wing staggers up… and BAM! Chair shot to the head, and Wing is down and out. STILL no blood, so Legion pulls him over to the corner, where he starts biting away at his forehead! As Legion rallies up the crowd, Wing curls up into a ball and blades. Legion pulls him up by the hair, revealing Wing to be bleeding as a result of his biting! The ref calls it, and Legion wins the match. I guess that makes him the official vampire of the fed.

Crowd: 42%
Match: 72%
Overall: 51%

Alexis Machine comes out waving the American flag over his head.

Now that’s cheap heat. I’ll have to remind myself to try getting Yamada to come out with the Japanese flag next time.

Machine: “I know you fans have seen a wild night already, but it’s about to get better. You’re about to see Shiro Yamada get his ass suplexed all to back to Japan! Because I’m big, I’m mean, and I’m an ass-kicking machine! Yamada, get out here - your title reign is about to experience a serious Breakdown!”

He’s big, has an America flag, and catchphrases. Naturally, the crowd ate it up.

Overall: 65%
Alexis Machine gained overness from this segment.

Alexis Machine vs Shiro Yamada, LAW World Title

Covering my ears won’t cover up the “U-S-A” chants going around again. Oh goody – I just love patriotism. Still, I suppose it sells tickets. True to his word, Machine starts off strong as hell, suplexing Yamada around the ring and following up with some standard power stuff – lariats, powerslams, and the like. Shiro cuts him off with a thumb to the eyes and grounds Machine, taking control. He blitzes into Machine with a variety of holds and strikes, showing off why he really is such a damn good wrestling. He finally gives up the ground game and goes up top – and Machine cuts him off! They exchange punches on the top rope – and here it comes… Lexis-Plex off the top rope! BANG! There’s our crowd reaction for the night, as people start buzzing. Machine hauls himself to his feet and signals for the end.

He drags Yamada to the middle of the ring and puts on the Breakdown. Yamada won’t tap. Seriously, he won’t tap – he blatantly refused to lose by submission when I was setting up the booking for the show. Something about how his sense of honour would be impugned if he gave up. Sounded like bull**** to me, but he is the biggest star on my roster. Yamada pulls himself over to the ropes to break the hold.

Machine grabs Yamada from behind for a backdrop, and Yamada nails a mule kick, hitting Machine low. Following the magical laws that govern wrestling, the ref just happened to be looking in the exact wrong direction when that went down. Convenient. Yamada sets Machine up for a Tiger Driver 91! Machine tries to fight it, which he damn well should – given Machine’s a good foot or two taller than Yamada, this is bloody dangerous. Yamada hits it, as Machine just pulls his neck up to save himself from the full brunt of it. Irregardless, Yamada gets the 3 count.

Crowd: 48%
Match: 80%
Overall: 57%
The LAW World title has gained in image.

Overall: 54%
Match of the Night: Yamada vs Machine, World Title
Worst Match of the Night: Double D vs The Flying Armadillo

Backstage, Alexis Machine was irate. I couldn’t blame him.

Machine: “What the **** was that, Chase, what was that? I told you dammit, I’m too tall to take a Tiger Driver 91! You and I agreed he’d sunset flip me for the finish!”

“Alexis, calm down. I TOLD Yamada it was a sunset flip end. Son of a bitch booked his own finish on the spot.”

Machine: “And on top of that, that bastard stiffed me on every punch he threw. You’ve gotta do something about him.”

“Do what? He’s the champ. He’s also far and away the best wrestler and biggest draw this company’s got. I agree the guy’s a prick, but I can’t do anything about that right now!”

Machine calmed himself a little: “OK, Chase, it’s your show. Just one thing – don’t put me in any more matches with him, not if you want your champ to stay healthy.”

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I wasn’t the only one having headaches. October was a hell of a month for Caulder and the NWA too. The smallest piece of news was that Stu Hart was retiring from active competition in NWA: Canada. It got better, though… and worse, too.

I’d been watching them like hawks, and got some big news – NWA: Detroit Michigan, Bill Watt’s fed was gone. It had apparently gone bankrupt, practically overnight. That meant nothing to LAW – all of their workers are far too expensive, and most wouldn’t even consider signing with us.

It was important news to me, though. Feds didn’t just go into financial meltdown out of nowhere. I knew that old ‘Cowboy’ Bill Watts would probably be horrified if he knew what I knew about Caulder running the NWA… I began to wonder if it was just a simple bankruptcy after all. This needed more investigation. Still, it was good news – one NWA fed down, and LAW is still standing.

The bad news for me came in a day later, and it rocked me off my chair. Sophie came in with the ill tidings – Caulder had gotten his company on TV. NWA: East Coast, Vince McMahon’s outfit, had just picked up a huge TV contract – a prime time deal on Fox. This is as big as it gets – millions, hell, probably billions of dollars in profit. And a good chunk of it is going straight into the pocket of one Jacob Caulder: Wrestling monopolist, crook, scumbag, and murdering son of a *****. Caulder’s got a big step up here. But I don’t care how long it takes – one day, Caulder. One day you’ll regret what you did to Stevie.

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There was more bad news on the front, though. The demand for wrestling was going up, as it had been a fair while since anything major had been televised. This meant the fans were expecting more from their companies. Which means they wanted to see more than the same dozen workers from us. Specifically, Sophie was telling me to hire two more workers, or lose Public Image. We can’t afford to lose the image – but we can’t afford to pay the workers, either. LAW lost $20,000 this month, thanks to extra advertising and production costs. I sent a tape of our show off to a Local Network, hoping to pull in some more revenue. It came back with the tape broken in half, so I’m guessing they weren’t keen.

Still, I made a few calls to see if there were any monkey wrestlers around. That is, anyone who would work for peanuts. I found two of the sorriest excuses for wrestlers around, and they were still the best trade off of limited talent for limited cash.

Elax, Tweener, 31 Over – This guy’s gimmick is that he is a toilet. No, I don’t mean metaphorically. He actually wrestles in a white outfit, with white shoulder pads for the top, and a toilet seat lid drawn on his ass. He uses an actual toilet seat lid to hit people with. And his finisher is something called The Shitter. I don’t know what it is, but with a gimmick like this, there’s no way he’s ever winning a match, so I’ll never have to see it. More to the point, this dumb bastard wouldn’t change his gimmick for LAW. Yes, he actually LIKES wrestling as a crap (literally) joke. He’s even a decent worker, though – he’s just made some REALLY bad decisions about who he wrestles as.

Kamikaze Kid, Heel, 16 Over– The less disgusting of the two, Kamikaze Kid has all the stage presence of a frightened mouse. The guy has literally no self confidence at all – he could barely mumble out how much he wanted to be paid. He couldn’t convince a ward for of insomniacs that they wanted to sleep, let