Intro to Clique Members for Noobs everywhere

Tyler Durden · 06-16-2006, 09:34 AM

Simon – AKA Danny Diamond, Simon, AKA Double D, AKA Manny Manny, AKA David Ortiz, AKA D-Fed (bwahaha). Simon was our former “boss” at the “other place” and in an unholy jihad of a war he stumbled across setting up his own forum where people could say what they want be what they want to be and live the life they choose. Obviously, that bombed so he set up Monks instead. Simon now has about four jobs. I think this is because he loves America so much that he likes paying as much tax as possible to his homeland. I have a lot in common with Double D, both married, both have two daughters, both haven’t told our wives about our STD’s, you’d think I’d maybe like him a tiny weeny bit wouldn’t you?

Mr. Cool – AKA Joe Cool, AKA Spiderman, AKA Spidey, AKA Joe C. Perhaps, mentally, the oldest member of the board. He’s 243 in mental terms and that’s something you just don’t hear much outside of the bible. Which he wrote. With Erin I believe. A father twice now, but he hardly ever mentions his wife and children. And by hardly ever, I mean always. Constantly. Never stops. Just try and make him.

Tyler Durden - AKA Bulldog AKA DK AKA Shandy drinking southern focker. The former DK is old, real old. Having lived a fruitful family life and fathered two children his wife has cut him off and now he is forced to turn to Chewy for Homo-Erotic BDSM "loving". Luckily his Alzehemiers has blanked the worst of his ordeals from being recalled and so he is able to function well as a semi contributor to the site. A proud land-owner in the south of England (tho a quiet shed for pottering in was never called land before) and as such he assumes he is much "posher" than other Brits. This also means any alcohol he intakes is heavily diluted with lemonade. Despite his assertions that fat samoans are better than talented mexicans his greatest posts are found in the wrestling section where he will gladly tell anyone that will listen he was at the greatest 'mania ever.

Blade– AKA Brandon, AKA Blitz, AKA Flash Funk, AKA Nicky. Blade was the first guy that I made any sort of connection with on boards, it wasn’t a nice connection, but it was a connection never the less. I’m a bit of a wrasslin’ nut at times, and if it wasn’t for Blade and his incessant jabbering and goading I may never have stepped out of the safety of wrestling chat and into the dark world of other forums. So basically it’s his fault I post like I do so neg rep him constantly. Look out for his many and varied threads along the lines of "I really like this girl" or "This girl likes me" or "Me and this girl hooked up". His threads are varied and creative in this regard and only lapse when he goes on one of his Hunter is a Wrestling God rants.

Dr Giganto – AKA Mister D, AKA Tom Dogg, AKA Huge guy with a big schlong. Mr Dogg is very very American. He is more American than apple pie, more American than a Cadillac, more American than Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bob Hope and Stan Laurel themselves. He is however a mighty procrastinator, as was witnessed by his constant dithering over his name change from Tom Dogg to Dr Giganto. He seems very knowledgeable about US sports and (I might be wrong since I never read anything he says) seems to be in love at the moment and the good news is, this time it’s with a woman. So yay Mr Dogg. Big up yourself or something.

Crocker – AKA Crocker, AKA Shameless Frank, AKA The Crock. I’ve gone through many stages of either hating Crock or just not liking him very much, but deep down I know he’s the sort of guy that you want as a friend, as an ally, as comrade in arms in the ongoing fight against all things American. I don’t, of course, but I know you do. Is a blindly loyal Manchester City football fan, which kind of indicates he may also actually be blind. He’s also one of those sickening posters that has his other half post on here or read stuff occasionally, so be nice to him. Or at least don’t tell her about that night in Blackpool, I mean come on, there were consenting sheep, hamsters with barely any clothes on, man what a night.

Rambo & Artie Lange – AKA Rambo & Necro/Sabac. I’ll do these two together, I know Chewy would. These guys have been tight (and not so tight) with each other down the years and know each other well in the “outside world”. Basically they are fine posters on here and are funny as hell. But would I talk to them in the street? Well yes I would, my words would be “stop hitting me and take my wallet yer frikkin hoodies….not the face, not the face”.

Dakstang – AKA President Dak, AKA Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel. Just like everybodys lttle kid brother you just know you’ll soon be going through the emotions of wanting to kick his butt in soon, maybe dribble over his face or flush his head down the toilet. A known "fighter of his corner" about all matters religious and a very polite (if insane) debater. HIs politics are slightly to the right of Genghis Khan.

God - AKA Daren. A Wrestling mod with Wrestling Heaven and a guy that we sadly agreed to accept in order that everyone else from Wrestling Heaven left us alone. An intense follower of all things Guns n Roses, Arsenal Football Club and TNA related so he's a bit like the guy that you knew at school. You know the one, long hair, smelt of garlic, knows nothing. Yeah that's the guy.

Gigglypuff – AKA Hootie McBoob, AKA Women that loves accents, A generous supplier of erotica to the males on the forum who have been quite taken by her revealing cleavage and her taste in what seems to be wearing just a towel when online. She may at some stage have said something on here, it may have meant something and been truly awe inspiring. Who knows though? It would have been completely wasted on here since the guys just picture her nekkid, agree with everything she says and try to maintain eye contact at all times (well when she’s looking anyway).

Jayman – AKA Jay, AKA Oojaymanoo (WTF), AKA King Jayman, AKA Slimdust’s lifetime partner. I was told that if I can’t say anything nice about someone I shouldn’t say anything at all……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… …… ……………..So a big hand for Jay everyone.

Mikk – AKA Mikk, AKA Mikkles, AKA Mikklovin, AKA JR’s long lost son, AKA I met Samoa Joe once. Mikk loves his wrestling and likes nothing better than creating threads telling us he won't be online for two weeks, and then spending the next two weeks almost constantly online here looking at porno pics. But hey, like KJay and Crock before him, he too is Northern. This means they are dour people with chips on their shoulder, and knowing those guys, they’ve eaten their chips already. Probably deep fried them in some chocolate or something, and poured gravy on them. Oooooo Northern Boys

Erin – AKA Pink, AKA Co Writer of the Holy Bible (see Joe C). Aaaaaa, our little Pinkster why it seems just five minutes ago that she was dealing with inappropriate and frankly illegal suggestions from members on the board almost constantly. However, now she’s legal, she doesn’t get nearly so many inappropriate comments. I think that tells you quite a lot about the “men” on the forum. (I’m looking in your direction Dr Giganto). Maybe this could also have something to do with her being quite volatile and “punchy”. After all who wants a woman that leave you with a stiffie. I mean a dead arm, all the time. She’s a bit like a bigger Powerpuff Girl really and she’ll kick your ass if you tell her that colour doesn’t suit her.

The Phantom – AKA Deadly D, AKA Gavin Henson. Once upon a time there was this crooner called Tom Jones, who fathered a whole country before disappearing to Las Vegas. Well this is one of the little bits of “Welshness” ol’ Tom left behind. And who could blame him. I’m just surprised he only moved to Vegas. Tom left many traits to his children, good looks, charm, an accent that no one understands and an ability to shag anything that moves. Phantom inherited none of these qualities, apart from the one where no one understands him. But gosh darn that accent is mighty puretty. Phantom knows nothing about rugby.

The Half Boy – AKA Fieldmouse, AKA FM, AKA Emma’s Bitch. WTF is wrong with this forum, this is another Northerner. It’s a wonder we’re not all drinking “Real Beer”, racing whippets, watching Coronation Street and tieing hankies on our heads when the sun is out. Half Boy is a rarity on this board in that he’s one of those posters that doesn’t post here as much as I'd like. Scheduled to get wed to young Emma in 3 years or something. Damn that's a long time to go with no sex. What? I'm a traditionalist.

Jackie Pies – AKA Jackie, AKA J, AKA Raven’s Bitch. J is every guy’s fantasy, you can talk sports, wrestling, drinking, even intelligent stuff with this gorgeous bit of stuff and she’ll keep you amused for ages. In my case, seven whole seconds. Hell, she even has lesbian tendencies as well. What is the catch, I hear you ask. What could stop this wonderful woman from becoming mine you ask. Well, I’ll tell you. She’s fucking mental. That’s it.

Inogenius – AKA Terry, AKA Boss of Other Place, AKA Ino, AKA Inogenius. A really cool guy, good with “techy” stuff and a bit of a “career progressor”. He is best known for bringing peace once at a time when all was war. He’s a bit like Mohatma Ghandi with a little Benito Mussolini thrown in for flavour. That’s right, he’s awful smelly. Terry is a bit like Blade but with the ability to write words down correctly and coherently.

Suntan Superman - AKA M. Shinoda, AKA DJ Phreaky, The Prez. A notorious and insatiable debater and righter of injustice and prejudice, though strangely a guy that has never openly defended the right of the much maligned Eskimos. Loves sport a lot. Maybe as much as he loves wrecking shower curtains.

Emmathe37th – AKA Shower Girl, AKA HB’s Daddy, AKA Gigglys bit of lesbo fun. It’s hard for me to describe Emma. Do you know why? Well, yes, obviously the court restraining order forbids me from talking too lucidly about her other than to say that she is charming, intelligent and educated. On top of all this she has a wonderful man in her life as well (see The Half Boy). Maybe they’ll have children one day? I bet they’ll be handsome and well adjusted. I’m picturing them having children right now. No, not in fifteen years time when the kids are growing up, I’m picturing their conception. Just look at her bouncing up and down on his……….oh right, that’s why they have an injunction against me. My bad.

Slimdust – AKA Slimster, AKA Slim, AKA Angelic Diablo, AKA Jimmyjobob, AKA The Texan Ranger. Slim is young. Very young. Sometimes I feel guilty telling him as much as I do on this forum but, if I didn’t, that poor little lady of his down in Texas wouldn’t be getting banged half as well as she is now. You’re welcome. Jimmy is a staggering 105lbs in weight (hence the username?). So I look forward in future years to seeing his name changing to “Normal” then to “Porky” then simply to “Simon XXL”. Don’t take the fact that he’s one of the homo erotic cliq on here put you off him, he’s all man. Although at the Christmas Pantomime he does have to play the part of Mary every year. That’s just because he’s so gosh darned puretty!!

Invictus - AKA Yetanothernortherner. A poster with a true hatred of his own nation and all we stand for. Quite possibly a spy. Even his friends on this site reliably advise me that he is a guy that always believes he is right, no matter how much you prove otherwise. Which basically makes him a true Brit. He would not be happy about this. And he'd be right!

Freak – AKA Freakster, AKA Tall Guy that looks like Ashton Kutcher on a bad day, AKA Musicdude. Freak knows, loves and adores his music. He’s well versed on all styles and even manages to put up with bits and pieces of my “granddad rock” vibe. He is a nice guy as well and you know what they always say about nice guys. They always come last. And I just know that’s got some of you ladies thinking “hubba hubba” and probably Chewy too. Recently returned to indulge in his hobby of "Dak Baiting".

You wont see them around much, but here’s some legendary Hall Of Famers from our past as well –

Psycho Diva – AKA Hellkat, AKA HK, AKA Mari, AKA Id (ooooo I’m not going there). I’ve always liked Mari more than any other Mari on this whole forum. She is like the Lilian Garcia of the forum. Not as outrageous as some women can be, but there’s something there nagging at the back of your mind and one day you wake up and think, I’m going to Canada and I’m going to stalk Mari until she gives in and dates me. It worked for a former admin of ours so why not give it a bash. I’m sure she won’t mind, and the fact that she likes motorbikes for a quick get away is just a coincidence.

Twisted Nerve - AKA Riot Grrl, AKA Welsh Single Mother. AKA Gemma. AKA Gemster. Gemma is a bit like Freak as in she is about 6 foot 10 and weight about 3 stone. Well, no, not really, but like Freak she does love her music. Well I say that but in truth I don't really know any of the bands she likes (well apart from Capdown and that was only because my cousin Keeeeeeeef is their guitarist). She likes going to festivals and man she loves a beerski, so if you're looking for a girl with a gorgeous Welsh accent, who likes to camp out and drink like a fish, then she's the girl for you. Unless her being 6 foot 10 puts you off.

Mr Kennedy – AKA TJ, AKA TJSpyke, AKA Mr Wikipedia. The story of Mr Kennedy so far. He was born, he came to JVN, he posted a lot about computers and wrestling. He seemed knowledgeable and soon became a mod. However, the laziness soon kicked in when he stopped seeming knowledgeable and started just copying and pasting directly from Wikipedia. Then he came to Monks, then he got banned from Monks, then he came back to Monks. I like Mr Kennedy. But then again I like Wikipedia too. And liquid cheese. Mmm. Anyway, I look forward to Mr Kennedy correcting all my spelling errors in this thread very soon! Except he's been banned for life. So maybe not.

Thirty7 – AKA Thirty8, AKA The Hobbit, AKA Eric the Aussie. When we were split into two different forums, there was one thing bugging me about this place. It needs Eric. My little Foley loving Homo Erotic antipodean man child. And at last, after much co-ercing, he was bought here for our pleasure. And it turns out, I was wrong, we didn’t need him at all. I thought he was a lot better than he is, and so I humbly apologise for ever saying we needed him.

Miakal – AKA Miakster, AKA Rush-lover, AKA King of Homo Erotics everywhere. Many a day I’ve passed happily treading the boards with King Miakal. For that is what he is, he was always the best poster at the other place and he lit a trail blazing light for (especially Chewy) to kick the door through and walk right in. Of course, he doesn’t really exist. None of us have ever seen a picture, none of us can confirm if he is a man or a woman, and he’s off studying a lot know so we don’t see him nearly enough. However, somewhere out there I just know he knows I’m talking about him. I bet he’s got a hard on just thinking about it.

KJay – AKA Wanker. AKA Northern Git. AKA Ghandi. AKA KJaymeister. Ah yes, my storied rival. For a long time I presumed KJay was Indian, but it turned out he just liked their food. Smart, funny, intelligent and engaging are all words that I couldn’t possibly use to describe this jumped up little oik from the North of England, where men are men and the women are pretty much men too. Once famously fought a case that Juventud Guerrera was a better wrestler than Samoa Joe. This is kind of like fighting a case that Michael Jordan is better at baseball than basketball.

Chewy– AKA Demetrius, AKA Neoflux, AKA Chewster, AKA Mygodhehadalotofcrap pyusernamesinthepast . Neo is a lot of people’s favourite poster on here. He’s crazy, with a little goofy thrown in, and basically horny 24/7. Maybe more. He’s the kind of guy that you can bring home to your parents as well girls. If your parents are liberated stoners from the 60’s who dropped out of society. He actually won “Most Popular Poster” at the “other place” not so long ago. Which I’m not bitter about at all. Wanker.

AudioSavior – AKA IdaMAN, AKA Kal El, AKA Grandmaster Flash! Well, was it a surprise that our Ida came back to us. No. Not at all. Was it a surprise that he completed a 360 degree face turn in the process? Why yes it was. Now if I was to completely do this justice and fill in all potential noobs as to the history of Ida, it would take more bytes than we currently have available here for the site to run effectively. Suffice to say, he’s a nice guy, he’s being altogether very brave (and humble) as well at the moment with his health, and he should be enjoyed on here while he can be. Because you just know the power play is coming soon and he’ll kill us all again! Meet you all in the next forum.