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+ 3.10.09 + Hammerstein Ballroom + Manhattan, NY +
Reborn Part Two opened with Dave Prazak and Lenny Leonard recapping the show. Prazak and Leonard discussed some of the great matches and moments we saw, bickering at times of course. Leonard then said that Kyle Durden was standing by so we shifted backstage.
Kyle Durden led a camera crew down a few hallways backstage, stopping every so often and looking around at different interview prospects. After stopping and taking a moment to mull things over in his head, he motioned to the camera crews to follow him wherever in the hell he was going. Then, as he made a turn down the next hallway, he nearly leapt out of his skin. He sprinted down the hallway, carelessly knocking Program Girl and other staff members aside against the wall. At the other end of the hallway, someone gasped and started running away from Durden, but he was too late and Kyle caught him.
Kyle Durden: BRYAN DANIELSON!
American Dragon winced at Durden, who looked like he was about to do the Happy Happy-Joy Joy dance at the mere sight of him.
Bryan Danielson: Uhh, hey... What's up, Kyle?
Kyle Durden: WOULD YOU LIKE AN INTERVIEW?!
Bryan Danielson: Well actually I was looking for Jay and Mark and---
Kyle Durden: I KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU THERE?!
Danielson sighed and shook his head, giving an annoyed but amused grin at Kyle Durden.
Bryan Danielson: Lead the way...
Kyle led them through a few more hallways, through a concealed door, then entered a gigantic stairwell. Danielson was hesitant, but hurried to catch up with Kyle Durden who was already two flights below. Danielson wasn't sure if they were even allowed to be in this stairwell, but he needed to find his tag partners, and if he had to follow this insufferable prat through the entire city, then so be it.
Kyle Durden: SO BRYAN, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO LATELY?!
Kyle's voice boomed and echoed through the stairwell, momentarily stopping Danielson in his tracks so he could cover his ears.
Bryan Danielson: Oh, uh, you know... clam digging and stuff.
Kyle Durden: THAT'S SO COOL, DO YOU THINK I COULD COME WITH YOU SOMETIME?!
Bryan Danielson: Uhh, yeah, maybe.
Kyle Durden: THAT'S SO AWESOME! THANKS, BRYAN!
Durden threw open a door a flight below and Dragon leapt down the remaining stairs to catch up. Durden led him down one more hallway until they were in the wide open Manhattan Center Main Lobby.
Bryan Danielson: Don't tell me they're outside...
Kyle Durden: NO, THEY'RE SOMEWHERE UPSTAIRS. WE NEED ACCESS TO THE ELEVATORS THOUGH, SO THAT'S WHERE WE'RE GOING. C'MON!
People watched with wide eyes as Kyle Durden screamed and ran through the lobby, Danielson jogging behind him, bowing his head in forgiveness and embarrassment to all the onlookers. When they arrived at the lifts, a security guard shoved Kyle Durden back, nearly knocking him over with hardly any effort.
Kyle Durden: Hey! What's the problem?
Security Guard: Cary Silken told me you're not allowed in.
Durden looked up at the hulking security guard, fearlessly poking him in the chest.
Kyle Durden: Listen, PAL, do you know who I am? I'm Kyle *bleep*ing Durden! Oh yeah! Kyle *bleep*ing Durden! So you better not mess with me and my good friend American Dragon Bryan Danielson!
Security Guard: Oh, you're with Bryan? Hey Bryan.
Bryan Danielson: Uhh, hey.
Kyle Durden: DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN, BRYAN?! IS HE A FRIEND?! I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND HIM, I SWEAR!
Bryan Danielson: Err, no, we met at a Ron Paul convention---err, look, it doesn't really matter. John, do you know where the Briscoes are?
Security Guard: Uhh yeah, they're up in their hotel room. I think it's 425... Yep, I'm sure it's 425.
Danielson nodded his head in appreciation and headed into the elevator. Kyle went to follow him but the security guard stopped him. With the security guard busy with Kyle, the camera crew snuck into the lift with Danielson and we watched as the elevator doors began to close, with Kyle Durden beginning to throw fists at the security guard to try and get inside.
Danielson hit a button and bounced up and down on the balls of his feet in anxiety and impatience. When the doors finally slid apart a minute later, he hurried out and down a hallway, only to find out he went entirely the wrong direction. He turned around and headed the other way, looking at the numbers on each door and keeping track in his head. The only problem, he realized as he reached the end of the hallway, was that there was no room 425! Danielson doubled back and found that the door to room 425 was being held open by a beer keg and an overflowing trashcan.
Danielson sighed and reluctantly entered the room, stepping over trash and unconscious bodies all along the way. Finally he found Jay and Mark, butt-naked and jumping up and down on a bed with a couple of girls in their underwear.
Jay Briscoe: Heeeey! Look yo, it's Dyan Branielson! Dyan you wanna be in a five-way?! You'll risk jail, but yo man, Mark and I think it's worf it!
Bryan Danielson: NO! Get the hell down from there, we have a match coming up! And throw some clothes on, for God's sake, guys!
Mark Briscoe: Holy crap! You tellin' me I'm naked?!
Danielson covered his face in embarrassment as the Briscoes collapsed with the girls in exhaustion and drunkenness.
Mark Briscoe: Oooooh I'm gonna throw up.
Bryan Danielson: Well do it later! Now get your gear on and get sober real quick!
Jay Briscoe: Yo man, you sure you don't---?
Bryan Danielson: YES I'M SURE!!! Guys! The Honor Rumble is starting right now! We need to hurry up and get prepared!
Mark Briscoe: Prepared for what?
Bryan Danielson: For our match with Chris Hero, Davey Richards, and Eddie Edwards! Those Sweet and Sour punks!
Jay Briscoe: Oh shit, we facin' Sour and Sweet Chicken tonight?
Bryan Danielson: For God's sake, how many glasses of beer have you two had to drink?!
Mark Briscoe: I have no idea...
Bryan Danielson: Oh that's just wonderful.
Mark Briscoe: No, I mean we chugged straight out of the keg...
Danielson walked over a few more unconscious bodies and one of the bodies of the girls, who was now fast asleep and snoring. Danielson yanked open the Briscoes' bags, grabbed some of their gear, and threw it at them.
Bryan Danielson: I may be the best wrestler in the world, but I don't think I can beat three people by myself! Now get dressed!
Jay Briscoe: Uggggh, alright Dyan, you don't have to be so loud about it and all. Yo Mark, wake up and get dressed!
Mark snapped awake.
Mark Briscoe: Say what now?
A few minutes later and a few moments were Danielson had to help dress them himself, Jay and Mark Briscoe were finally dressed to fight. But were they even in the right mind to fight?
Bryan Danielson: Jay, Mark, we're facing Chris Hero and the American Wolves tonight... I'm going to need your help. We need to formulate a strategy, pop in some tapes and watch their matches, and stretch and pray. Come on now and get with me on this... a lot is riding on this match tonight!
Jay Briscoe: Why, the titles on the line?
Bryan Danielson: I don't know, does ROH have a Six Man division?
Jay Briscoe: No need to get snippy about it, Mom... err, Dad... err, Dyan. Hey, where'd Alexis and Julia go?!
Mark Briscoe: No, their names was, uhh, Maria and Lindsay... I fink...
Bryan Danielson: WOULD YOU TWO PAY ATTENTION?! They are knocked out and drunk, perhaps even more drunk than you two if that's even possible! Now come on, can you guys fight?
Jay Briscoe: Of course we can fight! Just point out the *bleep*ers you want us to punch and we'll... you know... punch them and shit...
The next moment, Mark span around and threw up on the bed. The sick landed on one of the girls who was fast asleep on her stomach, instantly bringing shouts of disgust from Danielson and Jay as the vomit fell into her hair. Mark wretched and coughed, then fall back with his eyes rolling in the back of his head.
Bryan Danielson: OH MY GOD! Mark, are you okay?!
Jay Briscoe: Huh, why what's wrong with him?
Bryan Danielson: He just threw up on---
Mark leapt up onto his feet and wiped his mouth on the bed spread. He let out a huge belch then swayed on his feet, holding onto his brother so he didn't fall flat on his face.
Mark Briscoe: There's nothing wrong with me now! Feel loads better... err... I think! Who we fighting again?
Danielson growled under his breath as Jay poked the girl Mark just chucked up on.
Mark Briscoe: Oooh man, I hope these girls don't rat on us.
Jay Briscoe: Err, we got worse problems, yo. Now I think 'bout it, these girls might be our cousins.
Finally Danielson exploded. He slapped Jay and Mark across the face, yelling like a maniac (or Kyle Durden) at the top of his voice. He slapped the Briscoes repeatedly, then lifted up a keg (one of many) and hurled it across the room, breaking a mirror. He upended a bed and then continued to slap around the Briscoe brothers.
Bryan Danielson: YOU-*bleep*ING-IDIOTS-WE-HAVE-A-MATCH-COMING-UP!
Finally the Briscoes got tired of Danielson slapping them and started slapping him back! Danielson took a few blows, staggered, then slapped them right back! The future Six Man Tag partners were now beating the hell out of each other in a wrecked hotel room (a very big understatement), filled with unconscious girls (and perhaps their fellow unconscious bloody boyfriends), trash, beer, and vomit. Finally they doubled over in exhaustion after Danielson got in two last slaps. Jay puked in front of him, down on the floor and on his boots.
Bryan Danielson: Guys! We have to get prepared to fight Chris Hero and the American Wolves! Now either you're gonna go to the ring with me, or I'm going to carry you two!
Jay Briscoe: Ugh, no, Dyan here is right. Mark, we gotta a fight comin' up with 'dem Sour and Sweet boys, yo! I feel miserable... and I wanna fight!
Mark Briscoe: Ugh... same here.
Jay Briscoe: Ugh...
Mark Briscoe: Ugh...
Danielson lifted Mark and Jay up and slapped them across the face one more time.
Bryan Danielson: NO! "UGH" is not what the Briscoe brothers say! They fight, they drink, they piss, and they curse! But above all they "MAN UP"!
Jay Briscoe: Ugh... Branielson's gotta point, yo.
Mark Briscoe: Hey, wait a minute! It was 'dem American Wolves boys that took me out in the first place! Dem bastards injured me a few months ago! I wanna kick their ass!
Bryan Danielson: Oh crap, that's right... I forgot you were just returning, Mark. Are you okay? Can you even compete?
Jay Briscoe: Nope, he's just fine. His wheel is all fixed now. And now I remember, Mark. That AJ Styles-look alike pussy Davey Richards wrecked your knee! *bleep* him!
Mark Briscoe: Yeah! *bleep* him!
Bryan Danielson: So, do you guys wanna go to my room and watch tapes? Stretch and pray? Formulate a strategy to beat these yellow-necked bastards?!
Jay Briscoe: Hell no! We gonna drink some more, break some more laws, and beat the crap out of each other! That right, Mark?
Mark Briscoe: Hell yeah! We don't need no tapes man! Formulatin' a
strogedy? And stretchin' and prayin'? What the hell man, am I in Russia?!
Jay Briscoe: Yeah, 'ya commie bastard!
Bryan Danielson: Look, either you'll come down with me or I'll carry you down! Now come on, I have a tape---
Jay staggered to his feet and shoved Danielson back into the wall. He fell back onto the bed, sitting right in the sick that Mark had just belched up. Completely oblivious to this, Jay stood back up and started pointing at himself in the half-broken mirror while yelling and cursing at Danielson.
Jay Briscoe: No, now you look here, you son bitch! We the Briscoes! We don't need none of your
Leecha Lubra! We don't need none of that, man! As long as we got these two fists and that Lynyrd Skynyrd music---(
Mark Briscoe: SKYYNNNNYYYRRRRD!), then we'll be just fine! We're fighters man, not wrestlers! Where in the hell choo been?! You go do what you do, in the meantime, we'll do what we do best: Drink and fight and curse and piss! Sometimes all at the same time!
Mark Briscoe: Yeah man, back off, yo! We'll show up to the fight! Fightin' is what we live for! We'll be there at 'dat fight, trust us. We want 'dem American Wolves just as bad as you do! You don't have to worry about us, they do! That faggot Chris Hero needs to worry about us! THEY NEED TO MAN UP!
Jay Briscoe: MAN UP!
Mark Briscoe: MAN UP!
Jay Briscoe: MAN UP!
Mark Briscoe: MAN UP!
Jay Briscoe: THROW UP!
Mark Briscoe: No man, it's MAN UP!
Jay Briscoe: No man, I dink I'm gonna throw up again!
And Jay tried to run and get the trash can, but he didn't make it that far when he tripped over a body and started heaving up on the floor.
Jay staggered to his feet, stumbling and staggering as he collapsed beside his brother Mark. He fell asleep for a few seconds, then snapped awake, muttering something about "cousins and felonies." Then he looked around the room, scanning it for Bryan Danielson.
Jay Briscoe: Hey man, where'd Dyan Branielson go?
Mark Briscoe: Man he left before you even started that rant, yo. I think he's gonna try to do it without us.
Jay Briscoe: Heh, shiiiiz... he can't beat Hero and dem Wolves without us!
Mark Briscoe: He thinks we'll be too drunk to show up for the fight or sumfing...
Jay Briscoe: MAAAAN! DAMN! I showed up to your wedding more drunk than this!
Jay and Mark looked at each other then cracked up laughing. They laughed and snickered, headbutting each other without even noticing it. Then they suddenly stopped as Mark covered his mouth, his cheeks wide as though full with food (or in this case, more vomit). Then a moment later, he swallowed and squinted, then began cracking up laughing with his brother once more.
Jay Briscoe: MAN UP!
Mark Briscoe: MAN UP!
Jay Briscoe: MAN UP!
Mark Briscoe: MAN UP!
They continued this for about a good five minutes. When they wore each other out, they stumbled to their feet and looked around the room.
Jay Briscoe: Do you know what an alibi is, little bro?
Mark Briscoe: Noooope. Is it a Skynyrd song?
Jay Briscoe: No... err... I don't think so, anyway. But uhh, we better start formin' one.
We went back to the ringside area, where Bobby Cruise and referee Bryce Rembsburg were standing by. Bobby said that this was a challenge match from the YRR (Young, Rich, & Ready for Action), it was scheduled for one fall with a fifteen, blah blah blah...
Addicted To Love by Get That Cream hit the PA System and the fans groaned in annoyance. Then during the intro "RHETT TITUS!" when up during the chorus. The curtain was then tossed aside as Rhett Titus and Kenny King of the YRR appeared on the entrance stage. Rhett was grinding away with the Top of the Class trophy as King stood back just a little bit, allowing his partner do his thing but giving him just enough clearance so that he didn't actually touch him in fear of getting some disease or something... It's strange that Titus still carried the Top of the Class trophy (which was much larger than the original trophy, by the way) considering the trophy isn't even recognized by ROH anymore, but maybe he was just compensating for something... He went around ringside, grinding the air and rubbing his chest, blowing kisses and giving dances to the few girls in the crowd before getting in the ring and taunting with Kenny.
Electric Eye by Judas Priest exploded through the Hammerstein Ballroom and out came Jerry Lynn to a big reaction. The crowd chanted his name as he went around ringside, high fiving every fan that stuck his or her arm out (and it appeared that every one did). Lynn punched the air and got into the ring, staring down Rhett Titus while eying Kenny King out of the corner of his eye. This wasn't his first rodeo, he knew what they had in mind.
Quote:
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Challenge Match
Jerry Lynn versus Rhett Titus
Rhett leans up against the ropes while Kenny King stands on the apron, whispering into his ear. Jerry Lynn paced back and forth, ready to go at any moment. Bell rang, King drop down to the floor, and Lynn and Titus locked up. Lynn quickly catches Titus with a arm drag, pin, kick out before even a one count. Rhett rolls to the side back to the ropes as Lynn taunts him to bring it. Rhett launches back at him as Lynn sidesteps him and sends him into ropes. Rhett bounces back as Lynn drops down and causes Rhett to trip over his body. Lynn quickly on the advantage as he mounts Rhett’s back and locks body scissors. He rolls over into pin.
1…..Rhett rolls the hold back over, but can’t break it. Lynn takes control of momentum and starts rolling with Titus around the ring, in an attempt to tire him out. Another pin attempt.
1…..Rhett grabs nearby rope. Lynn releases as Titus rolls outside and meets back up with the nearby King. Titus collects self on the floor as Lynn taunts on inside to the crowd’s approval. After a moment, Lynn follows outside after them, while they make their way around the ring to avoid him. Titus slides in, Lynn slides into to follow, only to get caught by a stomp to the back. A couple more then Titus lifts up Lynn and delivers a forearm smash against Lynn, leaning against the ropes. He Irish whips then catches Lynn with a dropkick on the return. A quick taunt from Titus then a pin.
1….kick out!
Titus lifts up, trapping the head in his armpit. Taking another moment to taunt, he then lifts up and uses a snap suplex before floating over into pin.
1…..2..kick out!
Titus pins again, hooking the leg this time.
1……2..kick out!
Titus gets up in disbelief, yelling at the ref, King outside yelling something to him as well. Lynn began to stand during this, with Rhett taking notice and planning to continue his assault. A couple of strikes began, but Lynn blocks one! He returns with his own punch. Another! Backhand chop knocking Rhett back into ropes. Lynn irish whips across, but King reaches in and grabs Titus as he hits the opposite ropes and pulls him out. Lynn hits the ropes and charges forward, jumping between the middle ropes out to the floor! King pushes Titus to the side and takes the planca himself. Both Lynn and King taken out on the floor, with Lynn rolling around in pain, but Titus up quickly to take advantage of the carnage. He grabs hold of Lynn’s hair then irish whips him against apron. A thrust against the stomach with his shoulders then lifts Lynn up into sitting position on apron. Titus rolls in then begins taunting as Lynn holds sides on rope. Titus reaches over, pulling up by hair then turns Lynn around. Lynn breaks grip and tries for a punch, Titus knocked back. Lynn steps in and charges at Titus while holding sides, Titus ducks around and locks sleeperhold. He begins to work the move as Lynn tries to struggle out of it. Lynn starts struggling, moving back and slamming two against the ropes, but Titus keeps control, rolling the town down into turnbuckle corner till Lynn faced towards the crowd and hold was still locked. Lynn begins charging back and slams Titus against opposite turnbuckle, but Titus keeps sleeperhold locked on, though shows signs of loosing. Lynn thrust back to slam against again. Titus grip begins to give. One more slam against it and Titus releases, dropping down into sitting position. Lynn drops forward holding neck, coughing. King into the ring and ref gets in way to block him from doing anything. Kingbegins struggling with ref as Lynn is taunting to come on. Then, from behind, Titus delivers low blow. Lynn drops over as King rolls out and Titus rolls him over and yells over to ref.
1…….2…….3!!!!
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Winner at 8:33 via pinfall: Rhett Titus
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The crowd gasped and gaped and booed and threw trash. They wanted to get their hands on Rhett Titus and Kenny King (but mostly King, since it was entirely because of him that Rhett even won), and the YRR had no problem of harassing the crowd all the way to the backstage area. Lynn staggered to his feet in the ring, walking gingerly (after all, he just got nailed in the nuts) and walked back to the curtain as he slowly high fived fans.
After the match, we went backstage. Cameras rolled as Kyle Durden led them down a crowded hallway of wrestlers and staff, all peeking outside a door that was kept wide open with a stick from the ground. It was pouring outside, with a murky gray sky above. Kyle led them out where they found his fellow backstage interviewer Rebecca Bayless crouched down beside Bobby Dempsey who was sitting on a milk crate, covering the side of his face with one of his ham-like hands.
Kyle Durden: Oh, Rebecca... You're already here.
Rebecca glared up at Kyle and rolled her eyes, but she had more worries on her mind than who was performing better as a backstage interviewer.
Bobby Dempsey: Oh, wonderful. Now we have the cameras back here. Damn it, can't I ever get a little privacy around here?!
Rebecca hushed Bobby Dempsey down as Kyle led the cameras around to face Bobby's front, where we saw blood leaking down the side of his face. Bobby glanced up and tried to conceal it once more with his hand, but he didn't do a good enough job and he knew it, finally lowering his hand. He quickly wiped his eyes with his forearm.
Rebecca Bayless: Please, Bobby! You need to go to a hospital or something!
Bobby Dempsey: I told you, I'm fine!
Kyle stepped forward and crouched down before Dempsey, holding the microphone in front of his face. Rebecca gaped at Kyle, that he would be looking for an interview now, but Kyle didn't pay attention.
Kyle Durden: Please, Bobby, can you tell us what happened? Did someone hit you? Weren't you paying attention when you were eating a box of doughnuts and you fell down a flight of stairs?
Rebecca Bayless: Bobby, don't listen to Kyle. He's a complete moron. Come on, Bobby, let's go to the hospital. It's not far.
Rebecca tried to lift Bobby up by his arm, but he was far too heavy. The simple effort nearly made her slip back and fall into a puddle, but Kyle caught her at the last moment. Rebecca mouthed her thanks up at Kyle, but when Kyle didn't let go of her and instead looked down into her face cradled against his shoulder, Rebecca gave him a light but firm shove and dusted herself off. Looking at the ground with his face down and sullen, Bobby growled in an undertone "I just want to be left alone..."
Suddenly the stick holding the door open was kicked away and the door was thrown wide. Out into the rain stepped...
Kyle Durden: Eddie Kingston?!
Eddie Kingston: The one and only, baby.
Kingston winked down at Rebecca and smirked, then turned and looked down the hallway.
Eddie Kingston: Sorry folks, show's over!
Eddie then slammed the door closed while we heard groans and objections on the other side from the wrestlers and staff that were spying in on the scene. Kingston stepped forward into the huddle around Dempsey and he looked down at Kyle Durden. He then took the microphone away, smiled kindly, then shoved Durden away, out from under the overhang that shielded them from the rain above.
Eddie Kingston: So big boy, what's the problem?
Bobby Dempsey: Please leave me alone...
Eddie scratched at his chin and looked up for a moment, thinking his next words.
Eddie Kingston: Hmm, guess you didn't hear me. I said BIG BOY, WHAT'S YOUR *bleep*ING PROBLEM?!
Dempsey's head snapped up, his gritted teeth were red from the blood. The entire right side of his face was covered in the red stuff and poured down his neck and dampened his shirt.
Bobby Dempsey: Why don't you just ask them in there? I'm sure at least half of them saw what went down!
Eddie Kingston: Well alright, I was trying to be a little civil, a little polite, but I guess we're just going to cut straight to business, eh? Fine by me then, big boy. See, I know what happened to you. That punk ass that hangs around with that woman Chris Hero did
this to you? What the hell's his name? Tom or Frank or something?
Bobby Dempsey: Shane Hagadorn...
Eddie Kingston: That's it, now I remember. If I remember right, he's on the Ring of Honor payroll and correct me if I'm wrong, but he hasn't done much in a long time, has he? Oh yeah, I check the Message Board, I see the results! I have some people back here! I know what's going on in Ring of Honor! And damn it, heh, I can't remember a damn thing that this Sean Daggerhorn has ever done! Has he even done anything lately?
Bobby Dempsey: No.
Eddie Kingston: Just as I figured. He's just a moocher, son. How could you let a slime ball like him get you down? Just ignore him, man.
Dempsey ran his hands through his blood-stained white blond hair and once again hastily wiped his eyes with his forearm.
Bobby Dempsey: It's a bit hard to ignore someone that's ramming your face against a gym locker.
Eddie Kingston: Well then, *bleep* it, I dunno... fight back, maybe?
Bobby Dempsey: I'm not...
Eddie Kingston: What's that?
Kingston put his hand behind his ear and held it close to Dempsey, who was mumbling under his breath. Eddie sighed and rolled his eyes at Rebecca.
Eddie Kingston: Big boy, you gonna have to speak up cuz---
Suddenly Bobby Dempsey lurched to his feet and grabbed Eddie by the shirt. He then slammed him against a dumpster beside them and growled at him.
Bobby Dempsey: BECAUSE I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH, DAMN IT! And my name is not Big Boy! It's Bobby Dempsey! BOBBY DEMPSEY! BOB-EE DEMP-SEE!
Eddie Kingston: Yo man, you better back the *bleep* off if you know what's good for you...
???: Well well well, so Lard Ass finally grew a pair then, eh?
Dempsey and the rest turned to see Shane Hagadorn skip out of the door. He had a glass of champagne in his hands, certainly from the locker room of Sweet and Sour Incorporated. He grinned over at Dempsey and Kingston as he slowly stretched out the glass beyond the overhanging and let a few droplets of rain splash down into the glass before bringing it back to his side and taking a few small sips.
Shane Hagadorn: I'm proud of you, man, I really am. How's your face doing, it doesn't hurt too much does it?
Eddie Kingston: Bobby, you let this little bitch boss you around? For what?! Why?! Why do you still wear this ridiculous weight-loss suit? Why do you still linger around Sweeney's gang? Why do you cower in fear to this punk ass? Damn it Bobby, sorry to steal a popular catch phrase around here, but MAN UP!
Shane Hagadorn: Eddie, shut up. No one here remotely wants you to be here. Face it. You know you should pack your bags and give up when a company would rather have Grizzly Redwood than you.
Kingston tried to launch at Hagadorn, but he found himself incapable of moving. Dempsey was still holding him firmly against the dumpster, so much that he could barely move at all except for his legs. Only this time, Dempsey wasn't glaring at Eddie, but looking down at his feet. Eddie thought Dempsey's teeth were going to chip if they ground against one another anymore. He could even hear the grinding.
Eddie Kingston: Listen you little *bleep*er, it wouldn't even take me five seconds to squash you like the little insect that you are!
Shane Hagadorn: Eddie, you're in no position to offer threats when you're pinned against a dumpster, helplessly, by freaking
Booby Dempsey. You're pathetic, you know that?
Bobby Dempsey: Shut up Hagadorn...
Shane Hagadorn: What was that, Dempsey?!
Hagadorn marched forward and yanked Bobby by the back of the hair. But if you blinked an eye you would have missed what happened next. Eddie flinched and suddenly found himself plopping down on the cold, wet concrete hard. When he opened his eyes he saw Bobby Dempsey hovering over a downed Shane Hagadorn, who was folded up like an achordian. Bobby must have given him one of the nastiest Lariats of all time, and damn him, he had missed it! Good thing the cameras caught it, he would have to pick up the DVD just to see that. Ha, imagine that, Eddie Kingston buying an Ring of Honor DVD.
Kyle Durden: HOLY SHIT YOU *bleep*ING KILLED HIM! ERR... I mean... Uh... We can edit
that out, right guys? But! What the--- Shane, can you hear me?!
Rebecca Bayless: Oh my God, someone get some help!
Eddie Kingston: Now that's more like it, Bobby!
Bobby glared back at Eddie Kingston and Eddie watched as his fierce sneer turned into a smirk and then a wink back at the King of Diamonds.
Eddie Kingston: Bobby, come on, let's go inside and get a pop... err, and maybe a shower to get some of that blood off of you. I need a talk with you.
Bobby Dempsey: Oh that's great, I could use someone to wash my back.
Eddie Kingston: EWW! You take your showers on your own, man! I ain't freakin' Chris Hero... I won't have bubble baths with choo!
But Eddie was grinning and laughing as he led Bobby inside. Cameras zoomed in on Hagadorn's face which was completely blank, his eyes rolled up into the back of his head, and the glass of champagne shattered beside his head.
As the wild night continued to unfold, fans watched as Dave Prazak stood from the announce table at ringside which brought a chorus of boos for him and his recent style of commentary. He sleeked back his bleached blond hair into tidy spikes, adjusted his checkered-red tie and sports coat, and then smiled a toothy grin at the angry crowd. He climbed into the ring, collected a microphone from Bobby Cruise, and got into the middle of the ring, ready to speak whenever the fans would quiet down and stop booing him for five seconds.
Dave Prazak: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to welcome to the ring, ROH President Cary Silken!
The tone of the crowd immediately changed with the fans cheering as Silken made his way down the ramp way, high-fiving some fans in the front row before he climbed up the ring steps and entered the ring. Bobby Cruise stepped forward to offer Cary a microphone, but Prazak hastily offered up his own to his boss then took the extra microphone from the gaping ring announcer.
Cary Silken: Thank you, Mr. Prazak. Have I told you that you’ve been doing a great job lately?
Prazak beamed and bowed in appreciation, then quickly gave a snide smirk over at Lenny Leonard at the announce table who looked like he wanted to throw up.
Cary Silken: Being the President here in ROH for the last few years, I think I’ve gotten to know a lot of you, and I think a lot of you have gotten to know me. You see, my style is not to integrate myself into the Ring of Honor product. When you buy a ticket to a Ring of Honor show, you’re not paying to see Cary Silken, you’re paying to see guys like Bryan Danielson, Nigel McGuinness, Jay and Mark Briscoe, Jimmy Jacobs, Claudio Castagnoli, Chris Hero, Tyler Black, and all of our other great ROH pro wrestlers!
There was a mixed reaction for some of the names he listed off, but overall the crowd was positive in their agreement with what he said.
Cary Silken: My belief is that the less I appear on screen, the greater the ROH brand will be. However, from time to time I will come out to make an announcement, and this is one of those times. I am announcing that TONIGHT… here… live in the beautiful Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City, will be the second ever Honor Rumble!
The crowd gave a roar of appreciation.
Cary Silken: As we all know, stars have been born and made here in Ring of Honor. Samoa Joe, CM Punk, Paul London, Spanky, Homicide, Bryan Danielson, Colt Cabana, Matt Sydal, Nigel McGuinness, and the list goes on and on. Out there right now exists the future Samoa Joe’s and CM Punk’s. Ten years ago no one knew who these kids were until ROH gave them a chance. Well tonight, we give twenty potential stars their chance in the second ever Honor Rumble!
The crowd applauded, quieter this time, perhaps out of annoyance that Cary wouldn’t bring them all out right now and get this battle royal under way.
Cary Silken: Two wrestlers will start the match and then at two minute intervals, another participant will enter the ring. When eighteen combatants have been eliminated, the remaining two will face off in a sanctioned singles match that abides ROH Official Rule. The winner of the match will get a contract for a spot in Ring of Honor worth one hundred thousand dollars!
The crowd cheered loudest, which is curious since they weren’t getting a single penny of that check. Prazak seemed to have a different approach to this news from the fans as he sputtered and burst into shock and jealousy at Silken’s words. There appeared to be a bit of drool making its way down his chin as well.
Cary Silken: The Honor Rumble will offer new comers a chance at fame and glory. It will give a chance for the down and out at a better lifestyle with its pension. It will give a chance to the old and forgotten a breath of fresh air. And it may even give some former Ring of Honor competitors a second chance they may have never gotten. But enough talk, because the Honor Rumble is next! Bobby Cruise, do what you do best!
Silken and Prazak exited the ring as Bobby Cruise stepped forward into the middle of the ring and repeated the rules Silken just mentioned (which the crowd gave him hell for) and then waited as the theme song from Nickelodeon's Pete & Pete hit the PA System.
Immediately, several fans got up from their seats and applauded. Some laughed, some nearly fell over the guard rail from banging on the ROH sign, and one even cried out in tears of joy. Everyone else joined in a collective groan which was followed by a chattering of boos as
Chuck Taylor threw open the curtain and stepped out to bathe in the shower of ROHbot uncertainty. Chuck was joined at his side by the lovely Rain, who also got a mixed reaction, though there were no boos; only cheers and wolf-whistles. Chuck grinned and smirked all the way down the aisle as he led Rain arm-in-arm to the ring. Rain stood ringside as Chuck flipped into the ring, taunted on the turnbuckles, flipped back into the center of the ring, and just for good measure: did another flip.
When his music faded, chants “TAYLOR TAYLOR” went up and Chuck gave a deep bow, however, the chants died away quicker than his music. For the next few moments, the crowd stood in silence, looking around for the next entrant in the Honor Rumble. Some speculated whether there was a technical issue as no music was playing. Even Chuck wasn't sure what was going on, as he raised his arms in confusion. Then the lights dimmed and Copa Cabana hit the sound systems, nearly bringing the entire Manhattan Center to the ground!
Purple lights flooded and danced around the arena as Barry Manilow's voice boomed throughout the arena (can Barry Manilow's voice “boom”?... eh...), and the next moment, the curtain was thrown aside as
Colt Cabana returned to Ring of Honor! There was no scatterings of boos, there were only cheers (though there may have been a couple wolf-whistles), and the cheers shook dust from the ballroom rafters. Colt danced around the aisle, clapping hands and giving hugs. Colt hopped up on the apron and blew Rain a kiss, then got in the ring and gave Todd Sinclair one as well just in case he got jealous. Colt joined in singing his theme song and gave the air a good punching when he got on the turnbuckles to a loud explosion of ROHbot giddiness and orgasms.
Colt hopped off the turnbuckles and tossed off his ring jacket as chants of “COLT COLT COLT!” blasted through Hammerstein. Chuck was arguing about something with Todd Sinclair... It appeared that Chuck wasn’t ecstatic at Colt's Ring of Honor return.
Chuck and Colt stared one another down from across the ring, a grin of confidence on Colt’s face, a look of horror on Chuck’s. The bell rang out and a girl’s scream belted out through the Hammerstein Ballroom, and it took everyone a moment that the scream actually came from Chuck Taylor!
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Honor Rumble:
Twenty Man, Over The Top Rope Battle Royal. Last Two Go 1 on 1 for Contract at $100,000…
Chuck began running around the ring like a complete and utter buffoon. Colt chased him for a bit, then, amused, he stepped back and let Chuck resume running around from nothing. When Chuck finally realized that Colt wasn’t chasing him, Chuck asked him if “he would like to cooperate in this game of cat and mouse”, but Colt didn’t look like he was in the mood for fun and games and he told him so, which shocked fans and Chuck Taylor alike. Chuck, trying to get under Colt’s skin, did his signature strut, and whether Colt wanted to or not, he was now playing that game of cat and mouse (rated M by the ESRB).
Colt chased Chuck Taylor around, nearly getting him by a few different handfuls of Chuck’s hair flowing behind him, but always just a step too late. Desperate to get away, Chuck nearly eliminated himself when he chucked himself over the top rope. The crowd gasped at Chuck’s error, and at the last moment Chuck realized his error too, because he pulled himself up before his second foot could hit the floor on the outside.
Colt argued with referee Todd Sinclair, thinking that both feet hit he floor, but Todd told him that only one of Chuck’s feet hit.
Lenny Leonard: I can understand where Colt is coming from! I could have sworn that his second foot hit, but I guess it didn’t! Wait, Colt, turn around, focus on Taylor!
Dave Prazak: WHAM!
Distracted, Colt did not see Chuck Taylor reenter the ring when he nailed a picture-perfect Swan Dive Dropkick, sending Colt all the way across the ring and into the ropes. Colt held on tight to the ropes, expecting the momentum to send him over, but he managed to stay in the ring. However, his mistake cost him and now Chuck Taylor was in control.
Chuck kicked away at Colt’s gut and gave him a few elbows to the back of the head for the hell of it. He brought Colt down to the mat with a snap mare and applied a tight headlock, a very good strategy in a battle royal as Dave Prazak is about to tell you.
Dave Prazak: Genius! If you can stay on the mat in a battle royal, then you’re in good shape. If you can keep your opponent on the ground with you, then you’re in even better shape!
Lenny Leonard: Is it worth conserving all your energy and playing the safe game though? Eventually Chuck is going to have to take some risks if he wants to win in this match, and he got the unlucky number one!
Dave Prazak: Lenny, do me a favor.
Lenny Leonard: Okay, sure.
Dave Prazak: Tell me how my glass of shut the hell up tastes…
Taylor kept the headlock locked in as the fans got rowdy for Colt to battle back, or else for another entrant to make his way down to the ring, but there was still another minute until then. Chuck wrenched away, but eventually Colt’s girth and overall willpower got him to his feet where he battled out. He hit the ropes to add some momentum to any offense he could score, but Chuck Taylor was determined to undermine Colt Cabana’s plan. Chuck planted himself against the mat and Colt skipped over. When Colt came back around, his gut was met with a nasty solebutt kick that sent him staggering backwards. Chuck grabbed the arm to bring him down into an armbar, but Colt wouldn’t budge. Twisting around the arm, Chuck wrenched it down, then fell with all his weight to the ground, slamming his foot into Colt’s chin with the Sole Food, one of his signature moves. Chuck took a moment to savor his success this far, but then his smile instantly disappeared when Raining Blood by Slayer began, signaling the next entrant in the Honor Rumble.
Lenny Leonard: HOLY--- IT’S HARDCORE HOLLY!
A mixed reaction went up, mainly to the WTF-ishness of the whole situation as Hardcore Holly appeared on the ramp way and hit the ring. Chuck stomped away at him when he slid into the ring, gave him a kick to the gut when he stood up, then grabbed him by the back of the head and dumped him over the top rope! He only lasted five seconds!
Bobby Cruise: Hardcore Holly has been eliminated!
The crowd laughed and cheered at Holly’s expense, who refused to leave ringside as Chuck gave a few bows to the crowd. He then did a ridiculous dance as Rain joined in with him on the outside, instantly killing any of the support he had just garnered.
Dave Prazak: Ahahaha! Hit the showers, Spark Plug!
Holly disappeared at the urging of the refs and the crowd chanting “Nana-Na-Na, Hey-Hey-Hey… GET THE *bleep* OUT!”
Chuck went back to work on Colt in the ring, choking away at him with his foot in the corner then giving him a choke when Colt collapsed for good measure. Then he choked him again with his knee, his foot again, and his hands again. Chuck skipped across the ring, really enjoying all of this, and charged across the ring for a knee, but Colt raised his boots, nailing Chuck in his---
Dave Prazak: Lower nut-sack region!
Chuck fell backwards in a ridiculous pose as Rain looked on worried for his genitalia. Colt urged the fans to cheer him on as he pulled himself back to his feet. Colt shook some cobwebs loose and pulled Chuck to his feet by his hair. He tossed Chuck off the ropes and hopped over the charging child-abuser, ducked a clothesline, and hit a beautiful back body drop! Colt pulled Chuck up and asked the crowd if they wanted to see Chuck Taylor eliminated, to which they responded “HELL YEAH”.
Lenny Leonard: HELL YEAH!
Dave Prazak: HELL NO!
But Chuck was siding with Prazak here and he dove away from Colt and cradled the bottom ropes in the corner for dear life. He kicked at Colt like a spoiled child who was denied his toy and was now throwing a tantrum on the store floor. Colt yelled at Sinclair to tell Taylor to fight, who didn’t want to take part in this game of “fighting,” so Colt decided to bitch and complain with the fans, who wanted Chuck to fight too. Chuck seized on the moment by attacking Colt from behind, but Colt expected it! Colt side stepped him and threw him over the top rope, but damn that Chuck Taylor! The grandma-threatening bastard held on at the last split second! Rain shoved him back into the ring, which gained her some heat from the crowd as well.
It was amazing how everyone loved Chuck Taylor when he entered the match, and now everyone hated them. Did they realize that they were talking about THE Chuck Taylor when they trolled the ROH boards demanding he get added to the roster, right? (Chris Jericho: HYPOCRITES!)
Annoyed, Colt went to pick up Chuck and try again, but once again Chuck held onto the bottom rope like it was his savior. But Colt would have to worry for another as These Are The Days by the Exies hit and out came New Japan hot rod Fergal “Prince” Devitt!
The crowd gave a whoop and a rising clattering of applause for the new ROH booking committee for the great selection. Fergal slid into the ring and like a snake, avoided Colt who went to get some offense in right away. Instead, Fergal got in his own offense with a kick to the gut. Fergal sent Colt off the ropes and ducked and weaved and leapt around Colt, before taking him down with a beautiful flying head scissors. Colt staggered up and was met with a flying arm drag, and Fergal had three more of them if the crowd didn’t get to take a picture of it in time the first go around. Fergal leapt up and let out a big roar, much to the approval of the fans.
Fergal lifted Colt up for a Snap Suplex, but the big Chicagoan wouldn’t budge. Chuck, now comfortable leaving the clutches of his loving, caring bottom rope, went and interrupted Fergal’s offense with a few clubs to the back. Chuck told Colt “Come on, I’m on your team now!” and sent Fergal off the ropes. Bewildered, Colt looked at Chuck as if he were crazy, and Chuck, expecting some teamwork from Colt, launched Fergal into the air. The miscommunication greatly cost them as Fergal caught them both in the chest with his boots, sending them all the way out of the ring!
Dave Prazak: NO! Taylor, you just got eliminated!
Lenny Leonard: No, they’re safe, Dave! Both of them! They must be thrown over the TOP rope to be eliminated! They were sent through the middle rope, so they’re still in!
But perhaps Fergal wasn’t about to be. Used to the constant-offense a career in New Japan had taught him, Fergal was about to continue his barrage against Colt Cabana and Chuck Taylor by launching himself over the top rope with a plancha! He sprung over the top rope, but realizing his mistake at the last split second, he landed on the apron and flipped back into the ring. He clutched his heart and massaged his forehead out of relief, as the crowd seemed to sigh along with him. He then gave his noggin a few good knocks for his stupidity and shook his head to the crowd, who applauded that he managed to catch his mistake before he eliminated himself.
Colt was about to get back into the ring, but then Chuck dragged him back out and sent him flying into the guardrails! The crowd booed as a sea of referees gathered around Chuck Taylor. The referees demanded that he get back in the ring at once as Colt lied in a heap against the barricades.
Dave Prazak: I don’t get it! What’s the problem?
Lenny Leonard: I was told if wrestlers hit the floor, but were not eliminated, they had to get back in the ring as soon as possible… You know... not get involved in “extra curricular” activities.
Dave Prazak: What? Oh… you mean that?! Aw come on, Lenny! You get that chance, you gotta take it. Who cares what these slime ball fans think… It’s smart!
Lenny Leonard: It’s ILLEGAL.
But the damage had been done and it looked like the refs were going to let Chuck off with a misdemeanor as he slid back into the ring, haughty and proud of what he had done. He even told the fans: “I am haughty and proud of what I have done!”
Chuck looked across the ring at Fergal Devitt, ready to fight and scream like a school girl at the same time, but as he got into stance, the crowd got to its feet as Rage Against The Machine’s Bulls on Parade hit and out came the British sensation Pac!
The crowd cheered as Pac flipped his way into the ring, ready to fight whomever made a move towards him first. Chuck called across to Fergal that “Let’s work together on this one!” Smiling, Fergal nodded at Chuck’s offer and started walking towards Pac with Chuck, cornering the highflier. But then a moment later, Fergal helped out his fellow countrymen as he attacked Chuck from behind! The Brits high-fived and went to work on Chuck Taylor.
Pac and Devitt sent Taylor off the ropes and met him with a huge dropkick when he rebounded off the ropes! Devitt sprang off the ropes himself and met Taylor with a flipping senton! Taylor had no time to catch his breath as a second later, Pac nailed him with a Standing Shooting Star Press!
But now the next entrant was coming out, and the person revealed himself to be Ohio wrestling stand out, Johnny Gargano!
Gargano slid into the ring and looked across the ring at Devitt and Pac, who X-Rayed him right back. But Gargano decided on the numbers game and went stomping away a mudhole on poor ‘ol Chucky T, who screamed like a girl as Pac and Devitt joined in. The crowd cheered them on, as Chuck was pummeled by the Brits and the Ohioan. Then, Colt Cabana slid back into the ring and watched as the three men beat away on a helpless man. Colt shoved Johnny, Pac, and Fergal away, and glared down each one of them. Then he glanced down at Taylor and starting stomping away himself! The crowd laughed and cheered as the other three joined back in. It was now four-on-one as Taylor was getting stomped to a bloody pulp!
Dave Prazak: Now this is wrong! This should be ILLEGAL, shouldn’t it?! Are you listening, Lenny?!
Lenny Leonard: Hahaha, I'm sorry, I'm enjoying this too much right now.
But the crowd didn’t care much for the legality of it as they cheered them on. Out of gas, all four men slowed their stomps until all four were doubled over in exhaustion from kicking the shit out of Chuck Taylor. Then, a moment later, they did a Kobashi and started all over again! Poor Chuck Taylor was getting annihilated!
But it would be Maple Leaf Muscle himself, Petey Williams, making his return to Ring of Honor who would save Chuck Taylor. Though it did look like Petey considered joining in in the “fun” of kicking the crap out of Taylor for just a second. Petey took Pac out of the equation and went away at him in the corner, as Fergal decided there wasn’t much more damage they could inflict on Sexy Chucky T and decided on attacking Johnny Gargano. Exhausted from nearly beating Chuck Taylor to death, Colt Cabana collapsed beside Taylor, who looked nearly unconscious as his eyes rolled into the back of his head.
Williams worked on Pac as Devitt worked on Gargano in their respective corners. It looked like the British alliance was going to end quickly as a new alliance was to be formed between Britain and Canada. Williams sent Pac into the middle of the ring and Devitt sent Gargano into the middle of the ring. However, instead of colliding, it was a United States and Britain alliance that was formed as they linked arms and flipped around, where Gargano and Pac met Devitt and Williams with two, very nasty Enzuiguris!
Gargano told Devitt to climb up on his shoulders, and the risk-taker was more than happy to oblige. But instead of dumping onto one of the wrestlers on the mat, he dumped him to the outside, eliminating him!
Bobby Cruise: Pac has been eliminated!
The crowd booed as Johnny Gargano revealed who he really was. Gargano, not caring much for popularity, ignored their response and stomped away at all the wrestlers down on the mat before him. Gargano then span around and spread his arms wide in celebration.
Dave Prazak: Now this kid, I like! Every man for himself! I just wish I knew who the hell he was!
Gargano didn’t have much time to celebrate, because a moment after he ORTON'D, the lights dimmed and a very familiar music hit the sound systems in the Hammerstein.
Lenny Leonard: No way, it couldn’t be! Could it?!
Dave Prazak: It can’t be!
The curtain was then thrown wide open and out stepped… LOW KI!!! The crowd erupted into cheers as Low Ki stood on the ramp way, glaring all around the arena with his sneering snarl. He let out a roar and hit the ring, going to house on Gargano, Williams, Devitt, Cabana, Taylor, and anyone that would come near him. He nearly kicked Todd Sinclair’s head off by accident! Sinclair then decided that it would be best to join his fellow referees on the outside for the remainder of the Honor Rumble.
Ki yanked Chuck Taylor to his feet and ran his thumb across his throat, before barking out: “KIII CRUSSHHHAAAH!!!!!”
The crowd roared in appreciation as he pulled Taylor into the air on his shoulders, before slamming him in to the ring canvas, nearly leaving Chuck Taylor’s indentation he hit it so hard! The crowd got to its feet and cheered loudly as Taylor rolled out of the ring and collapsed at Rain’s side, still in the match, but out of it at the same time...
Ki lifted up Gargano, then Devitt, then Williams, and then Cabana, and placed them all on the top turnbuckles. With a few nasty kicks to a couple of them, he got them into the position he wanted: the Tree of Woe for his nasty Curb Stomp. Soon, all four men were in the Tree of Woe in each of the four corners, as Low Ki stood in the middle of the ring, a rare look of glee on his face. Ki hopped to the top rope as Gargano struggled in his bindings. Ki rubbed his feet into Gargano’s knees, making Gargano shout out in pain and reach up to try and release himself… but it was too late. With a loud scream like the snapping of a whip, Ki leapt into the air and came crashing down feet-first on Johnny Gargano!
Gargano hung helplessly on the corner, one knee still bound to the top turnbuckle rung as Fergal Devitt now struggled with his binds, expecting that he was next on Ki's list. Low Ki hit the top rope, marking Devitt as his next victim. Devitt landed cruelly, sandwiched between’s Ki’s downward force and the unforgiving ring canvas. Ki smiled dementedly at his next victim, Petey Williams, who was trying with all his might to break free. But it was too late. Digging away at Petey’s knees, Ki leapt into the air and nearly caved Petey’s chest in with the Curb Stomp!
Low Ki now eyed his next target: Colt Cabana. Licking his lips slightly, he slowly climbed to the top rope as Colt yelled and struggled to break free. Ki didn’t even notice as music began blasting through the arena and the next entrant made his way to the ring, All Japan star Shuji Kondo.
Ki dug into Colt’s knees, gritting his teeth in satisfaction at Colt’s helplessness. But before he could destroy Cabana like he did Gargano, Williams, and Devitt before him, Kondo appeared on the apron and shoved Ki off the top rope! The crowd gasped as Ki came crashing down on the outside, his own chest caving in as he came down hard on the top of the guard rail!
Bobby Cruise: Low Ki has been eliminated!
The crowd was shocked as referees gathered around Low Ki, who was flailing around on the ground, sputtering, spitting, and retching. Blood dribbled down his chin, down his chest, and gathered into a puddle around him. Kondo smiled down at him in the ring, but not for long. Kondo picked up Johnny Gargano and tossed him to the outside easily. Next was Fergal Devitt, who fought hard, but was taken out by a huge Lariat. Then it was just gravity’s job as Devitt was tossed mercilessly to the outside.
Bobby Cruise: Johnny Gargano AND Fergal Devitt have been eliminated!
Petey continued to lie helplessly, knocked unconscious from Low Ki’s attack. The referees were trying to take the injured Low Ki to the back, but Ki, bleeding and all, refused and tried to fight them off. But with some security and ROH students, they were able to force him backstage. Kondo eyed Petey and untied him, but when he went to pick him up, Colt Cabana had freed himself and was now attacking Kondo!
Colt was staggering around, barely having his wits about him, but damn him if he was going to give up. Kondo grinned as he dropped Petey aside, as though he had a new toy to play with now in Colt Cabana. He lifted Colt up and nailed the Original 2, a move where he flipped Cabana over his entire body using all the inertia and momentum he could gather with a simple flexing of his hips, otherwise known as a standing Iconoclasm. Cabana came crashing down, but Kondo wasn’t done. He sent the limping Colt Cabana off the ropes and tossed him high in the air. Then, as Cabana came down, he caught him and nearly slammed him through the mat with the Military Slam Oklahoma Stampede-combo! Cabana was knocked loopy and was sent rolling to the outside, under the ropes, where he joined Chuck Taylor… out of it, but still in it... Rain shoved Cabana away and she continued taking care of her boyfriend Chuck Taylor, as Kondo eyed the slowly-recovering Maple Leaf Muscle.
However, before Kondo could unleash anymore punishment, Social Suicide by Zico Chain erupted and through the curtain came Big Japan lunatic, Crazy Monkey Jun Kasai!!!
The crowd gasped as Kasai appeared on the ramp way, a bundle of light tubes in his arms and a wide, toothless grin on his scarred face. Some fans stood back as he slowly made his way to the ring, his back the map and timeline of many brutal battles. Kasai carefully placed his tubes in the corner and slid into the ring, licking his lips, before beginning an exchange with Kondo. Kondo wanted to trade elbows, which Kasai obliged to for the time being, before poking the AJPW stand out in the eyes! Smiling, Kasai stomped on Kondo’s foot, which led to a funny scene as Kondo hopped around the ring on one foot because Kasai kept stomping on it!
However, Shuji Kondo was not a fan of comedy (especially that faggot Dane Cook), and slapped the crap out of Jun Kasai. He shoved Kasai back, then nailed the Lanzarse, a goring spear where he lifted his opponent and drove them straight down into the mat.
Kondo backed off, trying to recover from the damage Kasai had inflicted. He lifted Jun up, but when Jun lifted his head, Kondo was met with a face-ful of clear mist! The crowd gasped as Kondo fell to his knees, screaming and writhing in agony. The mist seemed to have a burning and blinding effect, as Kondo rubbed his eyes repeatedly and flailed his arms about blindly. Kasai took advantage of the situation and booted Kondo in the gut and nailed a Double Underhook Piledriver! Kasai then reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of goggles as he climbed to the top rope. He pulled them down over his eyes, gave a salute and shouted something out in Japanese, before leaping out for the Pearl Harbor Splash! But Kondo had more than enough time to recover and move, and there was no water in the swimming pool for Jun Kasai! Shuji Kondo's eyes must have recovered, because he could now see. However they were red as almighty hell! Shuji Kondo measured Kasai who staggered back into the ropes, and charged. Kondo threw out his arm for the King Kong Lariat, but Kasai threw himself down and yanked down the ropes! Kondo slipped and wasn’t able to recover in time, making him stumble over the top rope and crash to the floor below!
Bobby Cruise: Shuji Kondo has been eliminated!
The crowd cheered as Kasai engaged them with a cheer. Kondo didn’t want to leave, especially when Kasai essentially told him to kiss his ass. A man speaking the most obscure languages could have gathered would Kasai was inferring next when he gestured Jun could, well, it would be better left unsaid. Grinning at the opportunity, Kasai picked up a couple light tubes and waited for Petey Williams, the only remaining wrestler still in the ring to get up. Petey staggered to his feet, and when he turned, Kasai struck with the tube like a sword, but Petey managed blocked it somehow! However, Kasai's other hand also had a tube and he struck with the other tube, but Petey blocked that one too! So now they were locked together, with Kasai trying to break glass all over Maple Leaf Muscle! Suddenly, Todd Sinclair got back in the ring and yelled at Jun Kasai, telling him that he could not use light tubes in Ring of Honor.
Dave Prazak: Welp ‘ya think?! These fans are hypocrites! They boo Gargano and Taylor, yet they cheer this Neanderthal and his antics?
Despite Sinclair’s urgings, Kasai refused to stop trying to hit Petey with the tubes, but it allowed Petey just the opportune time to recover. He took the tubes from Kasai and went to strike him with them, but Kasai ducked. He then gave Petey a boot the gut and an Evenflow DDT, making him drop the tubes. Kasai did the Raven pose, to much appreciation of the ROH and old school ECW fans. Kasai gathered the tubes on the ground and then retrieved all of his other tubes from his reserve in the corner and tossed them into a big pile in the middle of the ring. He scooped Petey up and went for the Oklahoma Stampede through the light tubes, but Petey slipped out of it! Petey booted Kasai in the gut and went for the Canadian Destroyer through the tubes, but Kasai hooked the middle rope for dear life. Then Kasai caught Petey with an uppercut right to the throat, yanked him up, and chucked him into the pile of tubes back-first! The tubes broke and exploded under Petey Williams in a huge cloud of white smoke. The crowd was going absolutely bonkers!
Chants of “KASAI!” went up as Petey screamed in agony. Sinclair and the other referees were yelling at Kasai, who did not understand the rules.
Lenny Leonard: They’re trying to tell him that weapons are against the rules, but either he can’t understand them or he refuses to listen to them!
Petey shook and gasped as powder and shards of glass stuck to his back, and blood began to gush out of him like a tomato.
Bobby Cruise: Ladies and gentlemen, Senior Referee Todd Sinclair has informed me that Jun Kasai has been disqualified and eliminated!
Maybe Jun had looked up the word one day because he seemed to understand the word “eliminated”. He pleaded with the referees, but in the end he was forced to go to the back. Meanwhile, Petey, horrified, pulled himself off the broken glass and the powder from the tubes, as his back continued to gush with blood. The referees quickly swept up the glass and the powder as music hit for the next participant: Black Tiger!
Black Tiger IV had the honor of carrying on the long Black Tiger legacy, which consists of such figures like the legendary Eddie Guerrero. Tiger hit the ring and kicked away some of the remaining glass with his boot. Petey, distracted either from the pain or the thought of all the blood trailing down his back (or just a thought: ...BOTH), was unable to do anything as Tiger hooked Petey’s arms and delivered a beautiful Tiger Suplex! Black Tiger popped up in celebration, to which the crowd gave a mixed reaction. Then the crowd erupted into collective gasps and groans as Chuck Taylor slid back into the ring, recovered and fresh from being on the floor all this time. Unaware of Taylor behind him, it was easy work for Taylor who dumped Black Tiger over the top rope. The mutilated Petey Williams was next, and was even easier work for Chuck Taylor.
Bobby Cruise: Petey Williams AND Black Tiger have been eliminated!
Taylor celebrated in the ring, doing a ridiculous dance as Black Tiger had to be restrained from murdering him. Chuck looked down at the mat in disgust, and slid under the bottom rope to the outside. He then hopped the guardrail next and searched through the crowd. When he emerged from a closet near the exit, he had a wide broom and an even wider smile. Going back to the ring, he nearly struck a child but decided instead to just take her water bottle, and returned to the ring. He swept out the remaining glass and took a deep swig from the water bottle as he laid down on the spot where the broken glass used to be. He must have missed a small shard, because he let out a high-pitched squeal like a pig and picked it out of his back, but other than that, it seemed he cleaned it perfectly. If he didn’t win the Honor Rumble, he would have a good career as a janitor… as long as it wasn’t at a school surrounded by children.
But Taylor didn’t have much time to enjoy the water, because out next was…
WHAT…
WHAT?!?!?!
WHAT THE FAWK?!?!?!?
KIMBO SLICE!
Taylor spat his water out in horror and shock as the crowd erupted into a mixed reaction as Kimbo Slice, the MMA "star" stood hulking on the ramp way. He made his way to the ring, had to be given some oxygen from his corner man halfway there, then slid into the ring. Kimbo cornered Chuck Taylor, getting ready to throw haymakers once Taylor was done acting like a scared child. Then, brilliantly… Taylor pointed behind Kimbo and shouted: “OH MY GOD IT’S SETH PETRUZELLI!” Kimbo whipped around and became wide open for an easy elimination! Taylor dumped Kimbo over the top rope then proceeded to laugh his ass off with the fans as Kimbo glared up at him from the outside. Taylor rolled around on the mat laughing as Rain’s shrieks of laughter echoed throughout the Hammerstein Ballroom. Kimbo had to be taken to the back, though him and his gang weren't happy about it as they got in a fight with the students. Mitch Franklin got thrown into the front row by a 600 pound Kimbo Slice security guard, but eventually they were able to take control.
Suddenly, a dragon’s roar sounded throughout the arena, echoing in even the most remote corners of the building as Hand of Blood by Bullet For My Valentine began. A moment later, the next entrant was revealed to be Dragon Dragon!
The crowd erupted into cheers and fits of laughter as the 8’6”, 2.4 ton dragon (dragon) made his way down to the ring. Taylor wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be scared, but when Dragon slid into the ring, Taylor went to work right away with repeated stomps. However, the stomps and clubbing forearms that Chuck gave him weren’t going to take Dragon Dragon down! Dragon stood up and roared in Taylor’s face, then nailed a spinning back fist! Taylor span around and collapsed in a heap, holding his chin in pain as Dragon Dragon hooked the arms and legs and nailed the Dragon Dragon MMA Elbows! Chuck’s head was bounced all around as Dragon’s scaly and razor-sharp elbows slammed down into his jaw!
Dragon Dragon picked Taylor up for the finish, giving one last roar for confidence and determination’s sake. Dragon hit the ropes but Taylor ducked the Lariat. Dragon kept his momentum and hit the other ropes, but when he came back around, Taylor met him with a lowblow to his reptilian genitalia! Chuck whipped around Dragon and brought him up, turning him upside down and head over heels in mid air, before dropping him on his head with the Omega Driver!!
Chuck looked to eliminate Dragon, but the short burst to come back had taken a lot out of him, so he remained on the mat beside the green mascot. The next entrant out was Shiima Xion, an up and comer from the Pittsburgh area. Shiima lifted up Chuck Taylor and went for the quick elimination, but YET AGAIN Taylor held on at the last moment. However, poor Dragon Dragon wasn’t so lucky. When Shiima dumped him over the top rope, Dragon hit the arena floor hard, eliminating him from the Honor Rumble and the six-figure contract.
Bobby Cruise: Dragon Dragon has been eliminated!
Colt Cabana remained on the outside, still “out of it” but still in the match technically. However, he was beginning to stir, and now the crowd was cheering him on. As he pulled himself to his feet, tripping and slipping and stumbling and staggering, Taylor sneaked back inside the ring and dumped Shiima Xion over the top rope, who thought he was the only remaining wrestler after having eliminated Dragon Dragon and Chuck Taylor.
Bobby Cruise: Shiima Xion has been eliminated!
Taylor collapsed onto both knees, raising his arms to the he heavens in celebration or a request for help, I’m not quite sure. However, Colt had finally got to his feet on the outside, and he was now looking up at Taylor in the ring with gritted teeth. Colt slid back into the ring and blindsided Chuck Taylor, pounding away at him with jabs and strikes of any kind to Chuck’s already-battered cranium. Colt lifted Taylor up and sent him flying into the turnbuckles. With a yell of “FLYING ASS HOLE!” the crowd knew what was coming next as Colt charged. However, Chuck moved at the last split second! Meanwhile, down the ramp way came the latest entrant: Sonjay Dutt!
Chuck escaped to the other corner but Cabana wasn't going to give up and charged again, but Sonjay Dutt dove in the middle of his path! However, Cabana must have been dead-set on getting to Chuck Taylor, because he met Dutt with a Lariat that span him inside out and head over heels! Seeing that Chuck had resumed holding onto the bottom rope for his well-being, Colt decided to focus on Sonjay. He lifted Dutt up, hooking his arms above his head, and cracked his spine with the Colt 45! Slightly amused and slightly confused, Chuck Taylor watched on as Colt dumped Dutt over the top rope, eliminating him! But Chuck didn’t have anymore time to observe, because the moment Sonjay’s feet hit the floor, Colt was right back on Taylor!
Bobby Cruise: Sonjay Dutt has been eliminated!
As the crowd counted down for the next entrant, Colt yanked Chuck off the bottom rope and sent him flying back into the corner, and this time he connected with the butt-butt “Flying Ass Hole”! Colt waited as Taylor stumbled to his feet, then charged for the Lariat, but that little wench Rain pulled Chuck out of the ring before Colt could take his head off! The crowd booed and shouted several choice obscenities at Rain, who looked after her injured boyfriend. Once again, Taylor was out of the match yet still in it at the same time as Rain dragged him under the bottom rope, to her side. Cabana looked like he was greatly considering whether or not he should strike a woman.
Lenny Leonard: Rain is going to do anything to try and help her man win tonight!
Next out was the Florida star Chris Jones, the “next Matt Sydal of the Independents,” however we didn’t get to see much of Mr. Jones because the moment he slid into the ring, Colt dumped him right back out with a short-armed Lariat! Hardcore Holly lasted longer than him!
Bobby Cruise: Chris Jones has been eliminated!
Colt looked down at Taylor, who looked like he had just been trampled by a buffalo herd. Colt didn’t care how hurt or tired he was, he was going to extract some good ‘ol fashioned revenge! Colt slid under the bottom rope, shooed Rain away, lifted Taylor up, and threw him into the guardrails! The crowd cheering him on, Colt tossed Taylor into three more sets of guardrails, the last one sending Tayor head-over-heels into the crowd! Colt slid into the ring and let out a yell, beating his chest and shaking the ropes, getting a big amount of cheers in response. But was Colt Cabana going to be the next victim of carelessness?! With his back turned, Colt didn’t even see the next entrant, Joey Ryan, slide into the ring quiet as a snake, until Joey sent him flying over the top rope!
Dave Prazak: Colt Cabana is gone!
Lenny Leonard: No! Only one of his feet hit the floor!
With one hand on the top rope, Colt dangled in mid-air awkwardly, one foot touching the arena floor and the other one coming dangerously close.
Dave Prazak: What?! You've got to be kidding me!
Colt was still alive, but just barely. Especially now as Joey had him cornered on the apron, hanging on for dear life. Ryan hit the ropes and charged across the ring, looking to take Cabana out with pure momentum, but Colt Cabana had other ideas when he moved and sent Ryan flying over the top rope, eliminating himself!
Bobby Cruise: Joey Ryan has been eliminated!
Joey Ryan was up in arms in rage for being so careless, but instead he chose to pick fault with Cabana, with the referees, with the height of the ring, with the levelness of the arena floor, and of course the crowd. Eventually Ryan was sent to the back as the next entrant hit the ring, Lance Hoyt! Meanwhile, Chuck Taylor was only just now picking himself out of the crowd and back over the guardrail.
Colt traded blows with Lance Hoyt until Hoyt gained the upper hand. Hoyt hit the ropes for his signature Big Boot, but Cabana ducked the boot and hit the ropes for a Quebrada! But Colt may have landed himself in a big spot of trouble when his foot slipped on the middle rope and he nearly spilled out to the floor, eliminating himself! Somehow he held on, but Hoyt wasn’t going to give him any time or relief. He charged, but Colt met him with a back elbow. Colt wormed his way to the outside apron through the middle rope, and met Hoyt in the gut with a nasty shoulder. Using all the strength he could muster in his upperbody, Colt then back dropped Lance Hoyt over the top rope, eliminating him!
Bobby Cruise: Lance Hoyt has been eliminated!
The crowd told “Test” to hit the bricks (junior) and go to the back, but he felt the need to argue with the refs. Meanwhile, Colt picked Taylor up on the outside and dumped him back into the ring. Colt met Taylor with chop after chop, jab after jab, and elbow after bloody bionic elbow! Taylor flopped to the ground like a fool, making Ric Flair proud. Now the second-to-last entrant was out: Joey Ryan’s Californian buddy and fellow Fire Pro Club member and action figure enthusiast: Scott Lost!
Colt was hesitant to strike as Lost slid into the ring, and it seemed so was Scott. Taylor was busy clinging onto the bottom rope again... Lost glanced over at Colt then motioned to him, telling him that he wanted to work with him to eliminate Chuck Taylor. Colt grinned and nodded at the idea, and gave Scott Lost a high five. But Scott had no intentions of helping Colt Cabana, instead he was going to trick him and eliminate him himself! But Colt must have finally understood that there was no such thing as teamwork in a battle royal, because he spotted it quickly, avoided getting eliminated, and instead eliminated Scott Lost!
Bobby Cruise: Scott Lost has been eliminated!
Lost had a temper tantrum on the outside when his plan backfired while Colt and the fans waved good-bye. Colt collapsed in the corner when Lost disappeared as Taylor continued to clutch onto the bottom rope like it was his teddy bear. Colt was going to try to get any rest he could manage since Chuck had no interest in fighting him. The crowd then began counting down as the final Honor Rumble entrant was set to hit the ring. Even Cabana counted along. The countdown ended and there was a few moments of silence before theme song from the Power Rangers hit the Hammerstein Ballroom sound systems. The fans looked around in confusion, not sure they had ever heard of a wrestler using the Power Rangers theme song. As the song built up, so did anticipation and excitement. Then, when the chorus began, the curtain was thrown open and making his ROH return was PAUL LONDON!
The crowd exploded into cheers and pure ROHbot glee and happiness. Forty year old virgins all throughout the crowd were jumping up and down, the most exercise they had had in months. If Low Ki’s return was something, if Cabana’s return was something, then it had nothing on Paul London’s return!
London ran around the ring, high fiving fans as Colt and Taylor staggered to their feet inside the ring, waiting for London to get in the ring. Finally, London got in the ring, but what was this? Were Chuck Taylor and Colt Cabana going to work together on Paul London? It seemed so! They hammered away on London when he entered and sent him off the ropes, but they were met with his picture-perfect dropkick, sending them through the middle ropes to the outside! Cabana and Taylor may have been out on the floor more than in the ring in this match, yet somehow they’re still in the match! However London had plans to officially end their stay in the Honor Rumble, as he hit the ropes and soared through the middle ropes with a beautiful Suicida, connecting with both Taylor and Cabana!
London reentered the ring and got the crowd even rowdier (if that was possible at this point) as Colt and Taylor were thinking it was Tuesday out on the ring floor.
“LONDON! LONDON! LONDON!” chants went up. London brought Chuck Taylor into the ring and tried to eliminate him, but Taylor held onto the ropes for dear life. London tried to shove Taylor over the top rope, but he wouldn’t budge. Instead, he yanked Taylor back into the middle of the ring and nailed a SEXY Release German Suplex. London called to the fans, asking if they wanted to see the Shooting Star and they cheered him on. He sprang to the top and steadied himself on the top rope, before flipping backwards while he moved forwards, seeming to defy the laws of nature in one single motion. But there was no water in the swimming pool for the returning Mr. London, because Colt saved Chuck Taylor when he dragged him out of the way! Paul hit with all the force and momentum on the unforgiving ring canvas, completely knocking the breath out of him. Colt couldn't believe that he had just saved Chuck Taylor. He was going on pure instinct at this point, and now his instinct was telling him to go for the finish. Colt lifted him up and nailed the Colt 45, snapping London's back over his shoulder! London rolled away from Colt, who collapsed in the corner, finally acting like a man on "EMPTY" would, as Taylor stumbled to his feet, yanked Paul London up, and nailed the Omega Driver! Taylor slapped Colt Cabana across the face on the ground and used his remaining will power to drag him up by the straps on his singlet. Then, as London staggered back into the ropes, they charged and eliminated Paul London with double clotheslines!
Bobby Cruise: Paul London has been eliminated!
The crowd was going crazy, not sure whether to boo or cheer. But one thing was for sure, they were shocked beyond disbelief and the building was about to come down Super Shredder-style.
Lenny Leonard: This is incredible! The number one and number two entrants have survived and are the final two remaining wrestlers in the Honor Rumble! Amazing! And now Taylor and Cabana will go one-on-one in a singles match, right now, to decide the winner of the six figure contract in ROH! Will Taylor get what has eluded him for so long, or will Colt Cabana make his return in dramatic fashion and a bigger bank account balance?!
Dave Prazak: Can either one of these men even compete at this point though? They’re exhausted! They’ve been in this match for over an hour!
Referee Paul Turner entered the ring and signaled for the bell as Bobby Cruise informed the crowd that this was now a singles match, for the winner of the Honor Rumble and the ROH contract. Prazak had a point though… Cabana and Taylor were out of it. Taylor dragged himself across the ring and dropped his arm over Cabana, who just nearly kicked out in time. Colt shoved Taylor back and draped his own arm over, but now it was Taylor who just barely kicked out!
The crowd cheered them on as they remained on the mat for over two minutes, their chests rising and falling, sweat covering their entire bodies, bruises and welts starting to take form, and swelling starting to take shape. Using one another as a balance, they pulled themselves to their feet, then slapped one another across the face at the same time! Taylor got in the better slap, so he instantly had the edge and it opened up an opportunity for a big burst of offense. With several elbow shots to the head, Taylor hit the ropes, charged across the ring, and took Cabana over the top rope and to the ring floor with him! Finally the two men went over the top rope all the way, but it didn’t matter now! Only pin falls and submission would win it for them now!
Once again it took them several moments to recover. Taylor tried to send Cabana flying into the guardrails, but Cabana reversed it and Taylor went crashing into the guardrails! Cabana was now on offense, and now he was going to send Taylor into the guardrails again, but Taylor mimicked Cabana and sent him crashing into the guardrails instead! Now Taylor was going to send him into the last set of guardrails, but once again it was reversed and this time it was Taylor who went head-over-heels into the railing! Cabana leapt up onto the apron, what was driving him, I have no idea, and sprang backwards with the Asai Moonsault on Chuck Taylor!
The crowd went wild for Colt and they cheered him on as he stumbled to his feet. With Rain’s help, Chuck made it back into the ring first as Rain dragged him and placed him back in. Before the twenty count, Colt managed to slide back in the ring just before he was counted out and lost the contract.
They were exchanging blows again. Colt went for the bionic elbow, but Chuck caught him with a boot to the gut. Chuck now went for the Omega Driver, but Colt squirmed out of it at the last moment. Colt went for a Release German Suplex, but Chuck Taylor landed on his feet! Chuck used his speed to slip past Colt’s guard and get behind him, hook the arms, and use his weight to drive Colt's neck, shoulders, and head into the mat with the Backslide Driver! Chuck yanked Cabana back to his feet and let out a roar, before making Toshiaki Kawada proud with a GAMMMEEENNNGURRRIII!!!!!
Cabana was nearly knocked unconscious by the kick. Chuck slid his thumb across his throat, signaling to the crowd for the Omega Driver, but once again Colt slid out at the last moment! Chuck charged blindly out of frustration and it cost him when Colt nailed him with a Leg Mare! A moment later, Colt BILLY GOAT’S CURSE LOCKED IN!!!
Chuck Taylor’s spine was being contorted and bent from the excruciating Billy Goat’s Curse a.k.a. Chicago Crab. Chuck reached for the ropes, but they were too far away. Chuck’s hand rose and dipped and rose and dipped, as though he were contemplating tapping out. Colt had it locked on nice and deep, and now he was wrenching back and forth, making Chuck’s screams of agony audible over the roaring crowd. Chuck crawled, and crawled, and crawled, but when he was inches away from the ropes, Colt dragged back into the middle of the ring!
Lenny Leonard: Wait, what’s Rain doing?!
Rain hopped up on to the apron, grabbed her blouse and yanked it off over her head, bringing ooh’s and ahh’s from the crowd. Cabana slipped and his grip slackened when he looked up at the (lovely) distraction, giving Taylor just the right amount of time to squirm out of it! Colt tried to shove Rain off and it gave Chuck Taylor the distraction he needed. Chuck rolled Cabana up, and as the ref focused on whether or not Colt’s shoulders were down, he slid his feet onto the middle ropes for leverage. Not this way! Don't let him cheat and win it!
1... 2... 3!!!!!!!
Chuck Taylor was the winner of the Honor Rumble, the ROH contract, and the 100,000 dollars!
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Winner at 72:49 via pinfall (and new ROH roster member) Chuck Taylor
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Boos erupted throughout the Hammerstein Ballroom as Rain gathered her blouse and put it back on, then joined her boyfriend in the ring for the celebration. Chuck didn’t even know he had won until Rain told him and embraced him in a disgusting hug and kiss, where they looked like they were eating each other’s faces instead of snogging.
Colt Cabana was furious and so was the crowd. If ROH wasn’t careful, there was going to be a riot, and by the look on his face, Colt Cabana would be leading the riot. Cabana tried to get to Chuck but referees, security, and ROH students held him back. Taylor and Rain hopped up and down in celebration, and to add insult to injury, Rain tauntingly flashed Colt her bra once again before quickly refastening it and rejoining Chuck in the celebration. After that, Colt wanted to get after them even more, but the security force wouldn’t budge. When ROH Owner Cary Silken and Commissioner Adam Pearce got in the ring, Cabana stopped struggling. He stopped trying to get after Taylor, who was now doing a victory lap around ringside with Rain. Colt merely glared at Silkin and Pearce, before sliding out of the ring and exiting the arena in a huff.
Chuck Taylor slid back into the ring, giddy as he laughed and tears of joy ran down his eyes. Dave Prazak got in the ring as an assistant handed Cary Silken a contract, a gleaming gold trophy, and a biiiig bundle of money. At the sight of the prizes, Chuck nearly fainted. Prazak, Pearce, and Silkin stood shoulder-to-shoulder, Pearce looking like an ogre with his arms behind his back and a smug look on his face, Prazak a complete suck-up as he held the microphone for his boss, and Silken looking disgusted as he carefully thought his words out.
Dave Prazak: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the Honor Rumble and the six-figure Ring of Honor Contract… CHUCK… TAYLOR…
The crowd roared in frustration as the trash and soda began to rain down in the ring.
Cary Silkin: Chuck Taylor… I’d like to congratulate you for winning the Honor Rumble. You outlasted nineteen other men, and regardless of the ways you did it… you did it. Now… when you sign the dotted line on this contract, you will officially become a Ring of Honor Wrestler.
Cary held the contract before Chuck Taylor, who didn’t even take a single glance at its stipulations or conditions. With one furious swipe at the paper with the pen, Chuck Taylor was now a member of the ROH Roster. There was a loud sigh and groan from the crowd as Taylor continued to hop up and down with Rain. Chuck was then handed the trophy and the bundle of money. Chuck put the money down the front of his tights and kissed the trophy with Rain, before planting another one on Rain and handing it to her for her to keep… After all, she did win the Honor Rumble for him.
Cary and Pearce exited the ring and headed to the back, Cary looking distraught.
Dave Prazak: Chuck Taylor, congratulations on your victory! You were the first entrant in the Honor Rumble, but you still made it to the very end! Now you are one hundred thousand dollars richer and now apart of the Ring of Honor roster! Tell us... how did you do it?!
Chuck Taylor: Well, Dave, I have to thank my lovely girlfriend, Rain first of all. Without her constant encouragement and inspiring words, none of this would have been possible. Second, I have to thank my cousin Yuri, who has been giving me steroids since 2006. I am young... I am stupid... I am naive... but I'm afraid there’s no hope for me. Definitely the roids that gave me the edge tonight and I'd just like to apologize to all the children that look up to me for inspiration. BUT HAHAHAHAHA! I just won 100,000 dollars! IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE! IN YOUR FACE! Definitely IN YOUR FACE! And finally, IN YOUR FACE!
At the announce table, Lenny Leonard looked like he wanted to hang himself
Dave Prazak: Well there you have it, ladies and gentlemen: Winner of the Honor Rumble and newest member of the ROH locker room: Chuck Taylor!
Chuck Taylor: Come on Rain, let’s go have victory sex!
The crowd booed as Taylor’s theme song hit. With a final victory lap around the ring and a kiss blown to all the fans in the arena, Taylor and Rain disappeared behind the curtain before the fans in attendance lynched him.
We went backstage but it didn't take us long to find a wrestler to speak with. A rather devastated-looking Kyle Durden was shoved out of the way and the camera was jerked around. We watched as the camera span and jumped, pointing at the floor then the ceiling and then the walls. Finally the camera focused and stabilized and we saw Tyler Black up close in the camera, as though he were holding the camera himself right before his face.
Tyler Black: Jimmy Jacobs! Austin Aries! Tonight is the night when all of this is finally settled! I’m not entirely sure how it got this far or even why for that matter. Because of you two I have lost pints of blood, I have lost faith, I have lost friends, and I have lost reputation, but no more because this all ends tonight. We rode this highway to hell together and tonight I’ll be leaving on an exit en route to the Ring of Honor World Championship! Looking back at this past year with you two, I’ve come to the conclusion that we are brothers separated at birth… Women, pride, and politics may have set this off, but I think you two would agree that Jacobs/Aries/Black would have been inevitable anyway. This feud will go down as one of the most fierce, bloody, and epic feuds in Ring of Honor history, but it has to end tonight. The pieces of the puzzle are finally set in place---my grand future now awaits me. The war is waiting, brothers, and damn it, I am tired of waiting. When the battle is over I will walk out, STILL, the FIP World Champion, and soon---very soon---I will become the NEW ROH World Champion.
Tyler then tossed the camera back to the camera man and stormed away, tossing the FIP title across his shoulder.