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LAW Hell and High Water

The Introduction

Frankie looks around for a while before standing up… and as he finally does so, the Lost Boyz and Mitch Paradise appear again, seating him back down.

Azrael: "This is our news, Frankie… we are the ones who will announce it. Tonight, there will be not just another title match, but a title match of divine proportions. ”
Gabriel: “I, Gabriel, will face your champion Kurt Stryker in combat. With brother Azrael by my side, I shall take the title… a lost soul will reign over this federation.”
Azrael: “Our discipline, Mitch Paradise…. Now is the time to prove yourself on your own. The Lost Boyz have other business.”

Azrael and Gabriel leave.

Paradise: “I will not fail you, my masters… I will prove I am worthy of paradise.”

O: 59%

Elax vs Mitch Paradise

The crowd pretty much shut down for this one, as I expected. Still, Paradise was going to have to beat somebody to get over, and it might as well be our resident piece of crap. Paradise controls most of this pretty short and pretty ugly squash match. Paradise finally finishes kicking Elax around the ring, then drops him flat to the mat and hits a Trip to Paradise on Elax for the easy 3.

O: 46% (29, 63)
Elax lost overness from this match. Mitch Paradise gained overness from this match.

'Psycho' Mike Legion comes out for a promo

Legion: “You think Barry Hammond scares me, with his half-assed hip-hopping? Big Time, this is Hardcore. This is my sort of match. You’re stepping into my world now. Sure, you’re 350 pounds. You out-power me. You outweigh me. But if you think I’m afraid of you… I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’. Come get some, you giant bastard. You know what they say – the bigger they are… the more there is of them to make bleed! Now let’s get psycho!”

O: 66%
Psycho Mike Legion gained overness from this segment.

Big Time Barry Hammond vs ‘Psycho’ Mike Legion, Hardcore Match

Hammond and Legion trade punches initially, neither giving an inch. It’s not long before the no-DQ stipulation comes into effect, as Hammond drops to his knees and slugs Legion with a low-blow. It’s COOKIE SHEET TIME, as the dreaded hardcore trays off death come out and Hammond begins to wallop Legion over the head with them. Legion fights back by biting Hammond’s and closed fists to the eyebrows, drawing blood. Legion grabs a chair and holds it in front of Hammond’s face, then headbutts it into him, knocking both men down as Legion starts bleeding as well. Well, that’s what lunacy will do for you.

With both guys now bleeding, Legion tries to pick Hammond up for a Psycho Driver, but collapses halfway through the move and gets squashed. Hammond smashes him back into a corner, then hits a few big avalanche splashes. Big Time wraps one of his chains around his fist and punches Legion out with it, then props him up on the ropes. He ties Legion’s arms up in the ropes, then wraps a chain around his other fist. Hammond just BLUDGEONS him with a dozen lefts and rights from the chains, then unhooks Legion from the ropes. Legion collapses to the mat unconscious, where Hammond promptly covers him for the 3.

O: 55% (47, 64)

Alexis Machine vs Kamikaze Kid

Kamikaze backs down immediately when faced with the impressive size of Machine, but finally charges into the slaughter. Machine outpowers him and tosses him around the ring, leaving Kamikaze to resort to suicidal ill-planned top rope dives to keep in the match. His high-flying pay off as he knocks Machine down and goes up top. Kamikaze gets distracted by the “Die, Kid, Die” chants, and takes a moment to sob. He finally flies with the 450, but misses as Machine moves. Machine waits on him, then grabs him – with a belly to belly suplex, over the top rope to the floor! Kamikaze is wiped out, as Machine retrieves his limp body, rolls him back in the ring, and clamps on the Breakdown for the tap out.

O: 57% (37, 78)

Garrett Jaxx saunters out to ringside, mic in hand

Jaxx: “Another show, and another day that a disgrace like Kurt Stryker is still the champion. I’m sure the Lost Boyz will relieve you of that burden tonight thought, Kurt. The only pity is that I can’t do it myself. I’d love to stick around and watch all your dreams go up in smoke tonight, Kurt, but…

*crowd starts up an “Asshole” chant*

Is that directed at me? You think I’m an asshole? And what makes you think I’m going to listen to a bunch of morons like you? Collectively, you barely have the brainpower to light a match – why should I care what you think? You think I’m an asshole – good for you. I’m might well be an asshole. But I’m an asshole that wins. People don’t like me because they know I’m better than them! You people, Kurt Stryker, everyone! It’s not my fault everybody else is so low I HAVE to look down on them. Good luck with that title defence, Kurt – you’ll need it, given how worthless you are. I almost hope you survive… because I really want to be the one who takes that belt from you.”

O: 69%
Garrett Jaxx gained overness from this segment.

Tommy Suede vs Ryan Wing

Suede comes out exhuming arrogance with a suit jacket and tie on over his wrestling attire, drawing heat from the crowd. He immediately cheats, throwing the jacket over Wing’s head and attacking to get an early advantage. Suede continues to bend the rules without quite breaking them, choking away at Wing with his tie, but releasing it on the ref’s count. Wing makes his comeback, hitting a springboard moonsault to knock Suede down, and the two take their fight to the air. The crowd gets big time into it as both men try to out-do each other with some classy aerial action, hitting all manner of planchas, somersaults, and twisting manuevers off the ropes. Wing finally swings Suede onto the top turnbuckle, then calls for the end. He goes up top and signals for a top rope Northern Lights Suplex, drawing a pop – and Suede shoves him off the top rope! Wing hits the mat hard, and Suede follows up with an eye-popping Phoenix Splash for the win!

Suede wipes the sweat from his forehead using his tie, then throws it down on Wing. He mugs for the crowd, drawing booes, which suddenly turn into a pop. Suede senses something is wrong – and turns around, right into Shawn Wright who is standing behind him! Last Dance! Wright lays out Suede, then pulls off a few dance moves over his fallen body to the delight of the fans.

O: 66% (52, 81)

Doug Delicious heads out to the ring

He's not dressed in his wrestling gear, and he's carrying a mirror with him. He stares at his reflection before taking a mic and addressing the crowd.

Delicious: “I’m sorry to say that once again you won’t get to see this gorgeous body in action – but it’s not my fault! I’m under doctor’s orders. See, I suffer from a medical condition known gorgeoudeliciousness - in plain English, it's being simply too stunning for people to view without prescription lenses! I’m not wrestling tonight as a service to humanity – you people need a month or so to prepare for the event of seeing me in action. I’m keeping this ABSolutely delicious body preserved for your own good!”

Double D shows off his noticeably unremarkable looks to the displeasure of the crowd, then leaves, mouthing “Delicious” at anyone who will listen.

O: 52%
Doug Delicious gained overness from this segment.

Gabriel vs Kurt Stryker, LAW World Title

Stryker immediately eyes up the odds against him, as Azrael stands at ringside prepared to jump in when necessary. Azrael’s presence is enough of a distraction to give Gabriel an early lead as he jumps Stryker right off the bell. Stryker fights right back and maintains control, but is tripped by Azrael as he rebounds off the ropes. The ref warns Azrael, who backs down, as Gabriel already has the advantage. Gabriel hits a frog splash style motion into an elbow drop from the top, but only gets two. Stryker begins to fight back again, as he flies at Gabriel with a calf kick. Gabriel ducks and Stryker takes out the ref!

With nobody left to enforce order, Azrael hops right into the ring and the Lost Boyz begin blatantly double-teaming Stryker. He fights back, but the numbers are too much and the Lost Boyz nail him with the Unholy Roller. Gabriel revives the ref as Azrael steps out. Gabriel covers Stryker, 1,2, but a kick-out! Azrael hops up onto the apron to protest the slow count – and Stryker shoves Gabriel into Azrael! They crack heads! Azrael flies off the apron, as Gabriel staggers back – into a German Suplex! 1,2,3! Stryker retains!

O: 61% (47, 76)

Overall Show: 59%
Match of the Night: Suede vs Wing
Worst Match of the Night: Paradise vs Elax

8 months into LAW, I was started to grow very tired. I wondered how the hell Stevie had ever got AHW off the ground. LAW was STILL at 24% Public Image. Every time we put on a show, we went up a bit. Then people forgot as the month went by, and we went back down again. We were going nowhere, and taking a long time to get there. It was impossible to develop angles without having proper writers, and every writer I could find consider LAW to be too small a promotion for them. We were still losing money, too, although I’d cut it down to just $6000 loss this month. I was in a dilemma – we couldn’t increase our PI without increasing advertising (which we couldn’t afford to do). But we couldn’t make more money until we got better PI. To top it off, the public were demanding MORE workers. I ended my agreement with Paper Bag Man on the spot – he was only there to fill up space, and hired up two more workers of slightly more talent.

The Law, Face, 13 Over – I just couldn’t go past this guy, given the name of the company. As the name would indicate, he played a police officer character. Ordinarily, wrestling fans would hate a squeaky clean policeman, but this guy wasn’t quite at that end of the scale. More on the police brutality end, he was prone to handcuffing people and hitting them in the kneecap with nightsticks. People cheered for this sort of thing – as long as I live, I’ll never understand wrestling fans. He used the Long Arm of the Law, a Western Lariat, for a finisher.

Lord Jeremiah V, Heel, 13 Over – Lord Jeremiah played himself up as royalty, calling himself the Lord, King, and ruler of the European province of Canoon. Most people got that it wasn’t a real place, but that didn’t stop Jeremiah from playing up on it. Used the Royal Guillotine, a Franchiser-esqe jawbreaker to finish. Like The Law, he was willing to work cheap, so I was willing to overlook the mediocre wrestler he actually was.

Enhancer's Current Status:

ALPHA 0.01 finished