WCBW Saturday Night War
January 1st 05
The show opened up with Commissioner Turner in the living room.
Turner: Welcome to the first ever Saturday Night War. Tonight, as you probably already know, WCBW presents to you a Bed Rumble for the WCBW World Wrestling Championship. Also, The Bible Belt faces The Foundation of the Future for the WCBW World Tag Team Wrestling Championship. Matches will be determined later. Cameraman, lets go through this hallway to the bed.
The camera shows a King-sized bed.
Turner: The following match is a Bed Rumble match and it is for the WCBW World Wrestling Championship. The rules of this match are as follows. 8 men start on the bed and they will be eliminated from the bed if they are off of it for 3 seconds or by pinfall or submission. The last man on the bed will be the winner. No standing on it will be tolerated. The referee for this match, like every match will be me. Now entering the area, now residing in the studios of a bullshit Christian radio show in Lincoln, Nebraska, The Bible Belt, Steve Smith and Howard Brown.[boos] Next to enter the area, from Los Angeles, CA, the most corrupt cop in LA, Officer Frank Fivepenny.[boos] Next to enter the area, from right here in Philadelphia, PA, the man who reads your mail without permission, The Mailman.[boos] Next to enter the area, from Harrisburg, PA, the youngest and most hip tag team in WCBW, The Foundation of the Future, CZ Michaels and Chris Jefferson.[cheers] Next to the area, from Parts Unknown, The Xtreme Warrior.[cheers] Last, but definitely not least, from Chicago, IL, The Coolest Man. Ring the bell, NOW, cameramen.[bell rings]
The heels and faces started off in a tug of war trying to push each other off the bed. Steve Smith got The Coolest Man into a headlock and started to preach to the crowd. The Foundation of the future pushed him and The Coolest Man off of the bed and Steve Smith continued to preach and kept on the hold. The Coolest Man was able to get 1 foot back on the bed to brake the count for him.
Turner: Steve Smith has been eliminated. Steve, get out of the match area right now.
Steve had to comply. The Coolest Man was able to get back into the ring, only to get put into the Figure 4 by Howard Brown. Fivepenny got DDTed on a ring bell and was pinned by the opportunistic Mailman.
Turner: Officer Frank Fivepenny has been eliminated.
Right then, Coolest Man tapped out.
Turner: The Coolest Man has been eliminated.
Mailman, Michaels, Jefferson, Warrior and Brown were left. The other 4, tired of Brown's attempts to convert them to Christianity threw him out of the ring. Warrior added a Chair Shot, knocking out Brown for the count.
Turner: Howard Brown has been eliminated.
The Mailman locked in a Triangle Choke Hold on The Xtreme Warrior, who had to tap because Michaels and Jefferson would not help.
Turner: The Xtreme Warrior has been eliminated.
The Foundation of the Future now made up 2 thirds of the competitors left. They locked in a double Submission on Mailman, both a Crossface and a Boston Crab. Right as he reached to tap out, The Bible Belt returned and nailed them with Bibles. The Mailman threw Michaels out of the ring and pinned Jefferson.
Turner: CZ Michaels and Chris Jefferson have been eliminated. The winner and the new WCBW World Wrestling Champion, The Mailman. Due to The Foundation of the Future being unable to compete at the moment, the WCBW World Tag Team Wrestling Championship match will be the main event of the evening. Now, we cut to The Mailman's celebration.
Mailman: I am the WCBW World Wrestling Champion and I beat 7 other men to do it, in the greatest match of all time.[boos]
Fivepenny: You cheated to beat me champ, but I would have done the exact same thing.[more boos]
Mailman: I respect you Frank.
Fivepenny: I'll sell you this crack for half price.
Mailman: Deal.
[Turner walks in on them]
Turner: Mailman, you will be defending your belt against The Xtreme Warrior next week here on Saturday Night War. As for you, Fivepenny, you will be facing The Coolest Man in a pool match tonight for the WCBW United States Wrestling Championship and that match is next.
[The cameraman goes down to the indoor swimming pool.]
Turner: The following match is a Pool match and it is for the WCBW United States Wrestling Championship. Making his way out to the pool, from Los Angeles, CA, weighing in at 205 pounds, Officer Frank Fivepenny.[boos] And his opponent, from Chicago, IL, weighing in at 160 pounds, The Coolest Man.[cheers] This match can be won by pinfall, submission, DQ, or pool out. As you can see, the pool is an above-ground pool.
The match started out with Fivepenny locking in a headlock. Coolest Man fought to the pool wall. Fivepenny broke before a count of 5. Coolest Man and Fivepenny traded chops. Eventually Coolest Man was able to nail a Chokeslam. Fivepenny kicked out of a pin (against the pool wall). Coolest Man attempted a Riding Sleeper Hold. It took a while but Fivepenny powered out and reversed it into a German Suplex. He kept his arms hooked for 2 more and then hit a dropkick to the stunned Coolest Man. He pinned him for a count of 2. Coolest Man and Fivepenny traded reversals of their moves until Coolest Man picked him up for an F-5. The Coolest Man attempted to pin him. He got a count of 2 and a half. Mailman showed up and took down the ref with a chairshot from behind and tossed the chair to Fivepenny who took down Coolest Man, but Mailman was taken out by Xtreme Warrior. The ref came to and Coolest Man barely kicked out of a pinfall attempt. Coolest Man got an Armbar on Fivepenny and Fivepenny tried to fight out, but instead, he was forced to submit.
Turner: Here is your winner and the NEW WCBW United States Wrestling Champion, The Coolest Man. Now we have a prerecorded video package from The Bible Belt that sucks.
Voice: Hello, friends. Looking for that special something that will help you in life. Looking to have life after death? If so, contact The Bible Belt Ministrys INC @
boss@biblebelt.com. We would love to have you in our church.
Other Voice: For those of you who are believers and helped us out in the past election by voting for the greatest president of all time, George W. Bush, thank you. For those who didn't, may God have mercy on your souls.
Voice: The preceeding has been paid for by Bible Belt Ministrys INC.
Turner: What a crappy and gay video package. Nonetheless, those faggots will be competing in a Hardcore match against The Foundation of the Future.
[camera moves to the living room]
Turner: We are now ready for the main event of the evening. Residing in Lincoln, Nebraska, weighing in at a combined weight of 300 pounds, Steve Smith, Howard Brown, The Bible Belt.[most boos of the night] And their opponents, from Harrisburg, PA, weighing in at a combined weight of 410 pounds, CZ Michaels, Chris Jefferson, The Foundation of the Future.[cheers] This match will be a Hardcore Match. Weapons will be provided by the fans. Tagging is required because this is a TAG TEAM match. The partners must sit on furniture until a tag is made to them or they will not be the legal man. If a referee is knocked out, tags cannot occur. This match will end by a pinfall or submission.
Michaels and Brown start the match. Brown got hit by a fan with a Frying Pan. Michaels got a chair from a fan and beat down on Brown. Smith came up behind him with a TV set and knocked him out. Brown was able to capitalize and attempt a pinfall. Michaels kicked out. Michaels hit a DDT. He proceeded to set up a table and put him on it. He got on a couch and jumped off of it onto the table, but Brown moved. Brown picked him up and Irish Whipped him into a refrigerator. The partners moved into the kitchen as the fight moved in there. Michaels attempted to tag Jefferson, but Brown hit him with a hockey stick. Brown tagged out to Smith. Smith hit a Frog Splash onto Michaels and got 2. Michaels fought out and made the tag. Jefferson came in and was destroying both opponents until Smith hit a Low Blow. He came to and a Chairshot took him down for the count and a 1-2-3.
Turner: Here are your winners and the new WCBW World Tag Team Wrestling Champions, The Bible Belt. Damn it, they stole this match. Next week, you 2 will face a new team for the titles.