Jayman

Super Moderator

*We begin with footage of Suntan Superman being declared victorious over Mr. Cool last week. A screen flash and now we see Crocker and Phantom laughing at a defeated CM Drunk and Half-Boy backstage. Another shows God being carried out on a stretcher, but victorious in DQ fashion. Then we see World Champion Simon looking upon the effects of a Gigglypuff/Blade date, shrugging. Tag champions Inogenius and Invictus victorious in a tag match. Erin running up the ramp to escape the clutches of SS.

The action switches LIVE to backstage, where a sheet of paper is taped to the Commish’s doorway. At the top it reads “Signup for the Clique Rumble”. A few names are already scribbled on it: Dakstang, God, and Mikk. Up walks Crocker and Phantom, collectively known as “Anarchy in the UK”. Today they have their respective England and Welsh flags wrapped around their necks and draped back as a cape. Phantom grabs a pencil.

Phantom: Just want to let you know, pal, that if it comes down to you and I in the rumble, your ass is getting thrown over the top.
Crocker: Who would want a Welshman winning the Rumble? Signup if you want, but it’s useless.

*The two signup, then look at the other names on the list and laugh. Just then, someone pops in behind them and grabs a pencil. This new guy doesn’t look like anyone we’ve seen before, and Crock and Phantom look equally confused. The man has quite a long, unusual looking beard.

Crocker: Who the hell are you?
New Guy: Oh, I’ve been around. I’ve seen what you guys have to offer, but I’m not incredibly impressed. I’m looking to make an impact around the CWF, and it’s going to begin at the Rumble.
Phantom: Wait a second. You’ve never wrestled a match, and yet you think you can win the Rumble and go on to face the champ at Cliquemania? HAHAHAHAHAH…
New Guy: Laugh it up now, chumps. That seems to be all that you do well, laugh at others. But I haven’t seen you back it up in the ring lately.
Crocker: Hey Dumbledore, I’ll have you know we have a match tonight. An 8-man tag match with I-squared against CM Drunk, Half-Boy and the African Hooligans.
Phantom: So grab some paper and pencil and take some notes, cause school’s in session.

*The new guy scribbles his name on the signup sheet and walks off, while Crocker and Phantom look at the guy’s name on the list: Zar333.

Pyro, lights, flashes (sadly from cameras and not the females), and rock music start off the show, and various signs are shown from fans in the crowd. They read: “Chewy for President”, “Ron Paul for President”, “Joe Cool can stroke my conscience anyday!” and “Turn off God’s mic” and “Zar is our Savior!” We go ringside with TD and Jay, as usual. The two gentleman are dressed to the nines in a pair of matching tuxedos, for a reason we are not sure of. Tyler Durden starts off the show.

TD: Welcome one and all once again to another edition of the CWF. We’ve got an action packed show for you tonight. I am told that this week the CWO are in the arena after their 1-week barring from the Commish. Surely they will have something on their mind tonight.
Jay: Who’s Shirley? Is she single? Nice body?

*We are treated to God (not the supreme being) standing in the middle of the ring, and as usual, he has a microphone in hand. He is all smiles today, a complete 180 of his typical attitude. He has his wrestling attire on, and is obviously ready for another fight.

God: Well, here we are once again, and I am here to start off tonight’s wonderful show. You see, I’m beaming because if you take my post-PPV record, you will see that I’m undefeated. Two weeks ago I defeated Joe Cool decisively while standing in the middle of this very ring. Trouble for Cool was, he wasn’t in the ring when he got counted out. Last week I defeated Erin, the former #1 contender for the World Title. I even took a chairshot to the face, but here I am once again ready to fight for all my fans!! I have requested this next match as a follow-up to my recent success last week. Without further ado…..

*Music from a familiar porn movie plays as Jackies struts down the ring in her wrestling attire, looking afraid of the man in the ring. She slides in the ring and is hesitant to get out of the corner. But the bell rings and God lunges for her. He scores a quick takedown, but politely stands back up and waits for his opponent to do the same. Another quick clothesline and down goes Jackies. She just lays there, and God looks confused. He covers her, and even though Jackies looks to be able to get up, she just lies there while the 3-count is finished. She must enjoy being on her back. God screams that Jackies didn’t put any effort into it. For her lousy showing, God picks up Jackie’s by the hair and scoop slams her to the mat. He climbs the top rope and drops an elbow, adding insult to injury. Then God grabs her ankle and twists it, executing a picture-perfect Ankle Lock. While the crowd boos loudly, a woman jumps the barricade and slides in the ring. She is wearing all black, with black hair in a ponytail to match. Her shirt, however, has the words “HotRod” on it, similar to Mr. Piper. She bulldogs God from behind, sending his face right into the mat. God lays there while the new girl picks up Jackies and carries her backstage. God eventually sits up and looks around, confused.

TD: Well, God has scored yet another…less-than-stellar…victory here tonight against Jackies. She didn’t seem to want to fight God 1-on-1, and really just laid down for the pin. I haven’t heard of a woman being that unenthused on her back since Jay’s last womanly encounter!
Jay: Hey, just because every time I “score”, it’s less-than-stellar, it doesn’t mean that…..
TD: The more important story here is that this HotRod Lady came to Jackie’s defense and helped her out of a major bind when nobody else would help. Not even my esteemed colleague here.
Jay: I didn’t see you getting up there to help Jackies.
TD: You know I forgot to take my back pill this morning.

*The CWO theme roars up from the speakers, and out comes the faction. Led by World Champion Simon, closely behind are Giganto, Blade, and Gigglypuff in tow. They head down the aisle in perfectly tailored black suits (and a black dress for Giggly), with Simon draping the title belt across his shoulder. The 4 get in the ring and are immediately given a mic.

Simon: In case you had forgotten, I am your CWF World Champion, minions! (boos) We may have been barred from the arena last week, but little did we care. I had commercials to shoot, limos to ride in, and women to impregnate. You see, I earned my title I have here, and I don’t need to waste my time in front of you grimy fans every single week. And as far as the Clique Rumble is concerned, I have yet to be named an opponent. That’s not surprising, because who would honestly want to face me one-on-one? They have seen how I destroyed any and all competition who comes in my path. I think my record speaks for itself; I have yet to lose a 1-on-1 match since the inception of the CWF. I am practically unstoppable.
Giganto: Sure, I could use my number one contendership I earned at Survivor Monks and challenge my buddy Simon here, but what’s the point in that? Sure, it would be a great matchup, but….
Simon: Not really man, I’d win decisively…
Giganto: I don’t know about that, I mean I could technically…
Simon: Nope, sorry man you would lose. (Giganto has a shocked look) Which is why I need a challenge, someone that could give me a good match that would earn me a huge “Title Retain” bonus. Because, let’s face it, I need a new helicopter.
Blade: And as for my buddy Mikk…Mickey, Mickey, why are you so unfine? Look at my girl Gigglypuff here. You couldn’t get this fine piece of ass if you paid her for sex. You don’t have nearly enough money to cover her fee, and certainly you don’t have the looks either. I mean, look at me in this well-tailored suit. Do I look dead fucking sexy or what? You could never pull this look off Mikk, which is yet another reason why my girl wouldn’t give you a chance. Too bad you’re too chicken to fight her in the ring, because if you did and somehow beat her, then you could get another crack at this beautiful face.
Gigglypuff: He wouldn’t and he won’t, Bladey-poo. I had my arms around his neck last week, cutting off the air to his throat, and the wimp wouldn’t throw me off him. He’s a gentle one, much unlike you baby, you likes it nice and rough.

*Giggly jumps on Blade and the two begin rolling around the ring in their own version of “wrestling” while Felix’s music plays and the Commissioner comes out to a chorus of cheers. He waves to the audience, and when the noise dwindles down, he begins to speak. Simon and Giganto fold their arms and shake their head at Felix interrupting them, and try to speak over him, but cannot.

Felix: I had them turn off your microphones, guys. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say anymore. I came out here to address the issue about your next opponent, Simon. You are correct, nobody has been named as your opponent for Clique Rumble, which is just a few weeks away. Really, I have a list here that’s many names long with people who entered the Rumble. People who are eager to fight for the chance to face you at the biggest pay-per-view of the year, Cliquemania. Wow, these are a lot of names of people who don’t like you…wait…I’m not sure why, but Blade and Giganto have added their names to the list.

*Simon furiously looks at Giganto, who just shrugs and turns his attention back to Felix. Simon is obviously irate at this, and looks down at Blade, but waves him off as he is in the middle of a makeout fest.

Felix: I’m glad you signed up especially Giganto. Because of the terms of your number one contendership clause you won back at Survivor Monks…if you fail to win the Clique Rumble, your title opportunity is hereby REVOKED!!!!!! (cheers). Now, onto you Mr. Champion. I have found someone to face you, for your World Title, at Clique Rumble. Without further ado, let me introduce him.

*Felix turns back to the entryway and folds his arms, awaiting the challenger to step through the curtain. The audience dies down in silent anticipation, and Simon has his gaze locked at the front curtain, tapping his foot wondering who will emerge through it. A few seconds pass, and nothing is seen nor heard. Felix eventually turns back around to face Simon in the ring, and smiles.

Felix: You’re looking at your opponent for Clique Rumble, Simon. (huge cheers). That’s right, because at the next pay-per-view, it’s gonna be you and I going mano-a-mano for your World Title. (Simon jumps up and down screaming, obviously upset with this choice). I thought you’d love my idea, Haha. But, I really haven’t fought in a while, I’m a little rusty. So tonight, I’m going to get some practice in. And if he can remove his tongue from Gigglypuff’s throat, let him know that he needs to lace ‘em up tonight to face yours truly in singles competition! But that’s not all. Next week is the last stop before Clique Rumble, so I want to make sure I bring my A-Game to it. So next week I’ll be facing your boy Giganto one on one in that very ring as well!
Simon: …Hey! Good, they turned the mic back on. So you want to face Blade, then Giganto, then me in 3 straight weeks? You must have a death wish, boy. That’s fine with me, because I know my two cronies here…
Giganto: Cronies?
Simon: Boys…my boys…will soften you up nice for me to roll right past you at the pay-per-view and look ahead to Cliquemania. So I wish you the best of luck pal, because you’re going to need it.
Felix: And the best of luck to you next week as well. We haven’t seen you in the ring since the last pay-per-view, correct? That’s going to change next week, because I am going to put your claim of being undefeated in singles competition to the test. Next week you will face Slimdust in singles competition.
Simon: Slimdust? That freak? No sweat.
Felix: And if you win, you will face Mikk right after that.
Simon: Uh..okay. Once again, no sweat. If Blade can wipe the floor him, I’ll have no problems.
Felix: And if you win that match, then you’ll face )85( in a match. Or Erin. Or Mr. Cool. Or whoever the hell else it takes until you lose, because next week Simon….you’re running the GAUNTLET!!!

*Simon has a look of fear on his face as Felix’s music comes on and he leaves the stage, leaving a confused CWO in the ring. Simon looks at Blade and Giganto, upset about them entering themselves into the Rumble matchup. They quietly leave the ring.

TD: Well, some dissension in the ranks of the CWO here tonight Jay! It seems Felix has accomplished his goal of rattling the group to the point of them pointing fingers at eachother.
Jay: Next week we will see both Felix and Simon in action in preparation of their upcoming title fight at Clique Rumble. That’ll be one action-packed show!
TD: I…can’t believe it. You’ve added something positive to this broadcast.

“North Country Boy” hits the speakers and out comes our favorite UK’er: Mikk! He heads down the ring in fairly happy fashion, in his wrestling gear. He is primed for tag team action tonight, and looks at the entryway to await his partner. “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” by Britney Spears is next and out twirls Slimdust in bright yellow. He has a basket of yellow confetti and is tossing handfuls out in the air to make his entrance even more…flaming. He hops in the ring and hugs Mikk, pretty tightly may I add, and smacks his ass. Mikk blushes and shakes his head. “Sweet Home West Virginia” is next on the speakers and out comes Dakstang with a flannel shirt and faded jeans. He waits at the entryway to see his tag partner follow him out…a gray-haired man in his sixties. Fans are speechless as to who he is, until they read the t-shirt the old man is wearing: Ron Paul 2008.

TD: For the love of….Dakstangs partner tonight is Ron Paul, the presidential nominee? I heard that Dak was close with him, close enough to consider them a couple, but this is ridiculous.

As the match starts, youtube videos of Ron Paul are playing on the CliqueTron. It quickly annoys Slimdust and Mikk, but Dakstang and Mikk start this one out anyway. Mikk irish whips Dak into the ropes and misses a clothesline, and Dak hits the ropes again to hit a flying neckbreaker. Dak with a few stomps, and picks up Mikk before hitting a DDT. He only gets a 2-count before Mikk gets up and blocks a punch before hitting one of his own! The crowd is behind Mikk, chanting his name as Mikk punches Dak into their corner. Mikk tags in Slimdust and Slim immediately gets a tight bearhug on Dak. Dak refuses to give up via submission, and hits a rake to the eyes. Dak with a backbreaker now, and follows it up with a legdrop. Dak goes and tags in Ron Paul. The old man gets in the ring and advances towards Slimdust, but too much time has passed and Slimdust executes a leg sweep. Ron Paul is down, and Slimdust gets up. Slimdust sits on the face of Ron Paul, and hooks a leg while the referee counts to three! Ron Paul gets up and spits a little bit, trying to get the taste of “Slim balls” out of this mouth. Dak quickly goes for his spit can he carries with him at all times and gives it to Ron.

Meanwhile, Mikk and Slimdust are declared the winners and get their arms raised. “Chasing Car” by Snow Patrol hits and out comes Gigglypuff in her black sequined dress from earlier. Slim senses the presence of a woman and immediately high-tails it outta there. Mikk is alone in the center of the ring when Giggly gets in and stands eye-to-eye with him. She rears back and hits a hard slap to the face of Mikk. The big boy doesn’t move an inch, but the side of this face immediately turns red. Giggly waits for a reaction from Mikk, but gets nothing. She rears back and hits another slap to the same spot, and Mikk flinches a little. Giggly laughs, and rears back a third time, but in her forward motion, Mikk catches her wrist in his hand and gets a pissed off look on his face. The crowd goes crazy as Mikk shakes a finger to Gigglypuff as a disapproval. She gets a happy look on her face, hoping he will fight back. Instead, Mikk drops her hand and walks out of the ring, while Giggly stands there screaming at him to fight her.

TD: Mikk almost reached his breaking point there! It seems she’s starting to get under Mikk’s skin, but I don’t know if he would ever sink to the point of fighting Gigglypuff. Mikk has morals, unlike my partner here.
Jay: I’d slap the bitch.
TD: I rest my case, Jay. That’s a woman you’re talking about there. A woman with feelings. And huge knockers.

“Anarchy in the UK” is next and the men of the same names come out next, with their respective country flags draped behind them as capes. Next, with “Beethoven’s Fifth” in the background come out our Tag Champions, Inogenius and Invictus. CM Drunk and Half-Boy follow, with Emma in tow. And finally, “Bad Boys”, the theme song from Cops, plays while Necro and Rambo finish up their beer bash in section 135 before heading to the ring. The bell rings and Necro and Crocker start off. Crocker wins a test of strength and locks in an armbar. Necro escapes it and gets an armbar of his own. Phantom jumps over the ropes and clotheslines Necro down, to the boos of the crowd. Phantom gets a few shots in before the ref pulls him back. Crocker tags in Invictus and he continues the beating on Necro. The hoodlum manages to reverse a neckbreaker and makes a hot tag to CM Drunk. Drunk gets in and immediately goes up top and hits a splash from the top rope. He covers Invictus and only gets a 2 count. Ino is slapping the corner post, begging for a tag. And for some reason he’s speaking in Old Shakespearean. Nevertheless, CM hits a flurry of punches to Invictus in the corner and runs to the opposite corner to try a big splash. Invictus moves at the last moment, leaving CM in the corner hurt. Invictus crawls to Phantom and gets the tag off while CM tags in Rambo. Rambo is the first to lay a shot in, and hits a german suplex on Phantom. He locks in a half boston crab, fitting given that it’s his hometown. Phantom screams in pain, and Crocker manages to run in and break up the hold, returning the favor. While the referee sends Crocker back to his corner, Rambo tags in Half-Boy. HB runs to Phantom, but he quickly tags out and in comes Inogenius. Ino with a short arm clothesline and an implant DDT. He goes for the cover, but HB kicks out. Ino picks up HB over his shoulder, and Invictus climbs the top rope. He lands a legdrop from the top rope onto the back of HB’s head, a move I-squared like to call “The Quadratic Equation”. Ino covers and lands the three count.

TD: Somehow, in that clusterfuck, Ino squeezes out a victory for his team, but not without help from Invictus. And not to mention both members of “Anarchy in the UK” used their partner to help break them from a submission hold. Those damn UKers have no class….oh, wait, nevermind.

CM and Half-Boy make it up the ramp with Anarchy in the UK behind them. They decide not to bother with them now, and head to the back quickly, leaving “African Hooligans” in the ring. They seem upset with the loss, but are tossing back some beers to numb the pain. Just then, numerous glasses fall from the rafters and onto Rambo and Necro, shattering upon impact with them. The two hooligans begin to bleed from the broken glass and shield themselves until the glass droppings stop. Upon further inspection, those glasses are beakers and test tubes. Ino and Invictus are laughing, and grab a microphone.

Ino: It is my duty to inform you pair of delinquents that we are accepting your challenge for our coveted World Tag team Titles. The second match in the best-of-three will be a Laboratory match. It’ll be held in our personal Laboratory on our grounds, and with “Anything Goes” rules. Luckily for us, our lab is filled with weapons such as beakers, test tubes, dangerous acids (those are liquids below a pH of 7 by the way), and Bunsen Burners. It shall be a very enlightening match, I assure you both!!!!

TD: So there you have it. The first match in the “Best of 3” will be a Bar Room Brawl, and the second shall be a Laboratory Match, with the third (shall it come to that) being a standard wrestling match. I can’t believe that Ino and Invictus have their own personal laboratory.
Jay: You mean you don’t? Oh, I have “lab parties” all the time. Everyone brings a chemical of their choice and we trade recipes. It’s fun.

*Backstage, Suntan Superman enters Felix’s office by means of slamming open the door. It startles the Commish, who is busy typing away at his computer. That, or looking at porn, not really sure.

Felix: What the hell? Have you heard of knocking? Suntan Superman, what do you want?
Suntan Superman: I’m going to get right to the point. Two week ago I came back and delivered a message to Erin. Now I got no response back from her, and last week she scurries away like a frightened girl when I try to ask her a question after her match with God.
Felix: Ask her a question? As I recall, you had a steel chair that had her name written all over it. What question were you going to ask her?
SS: I wanted to challenge her to a match at Clique Rumble. Erin needs to be taught a lesson and be put in her place. The CWF isn’t the right place for her. She’s too weak, and she doesn’t have what it takes.
Felix: (pondering) Well, she did earn a title shot a few months ago, and won the original Rumble match months before that. I don’t know how you can say she hasn’t paid her dues. Erin certainly has proven a lot during her stay here. But, if it’s a match you want, it’s a match you can have…..
SS: (goes to leave) Great. Thanks.
Felix: ……under one condition. Next week I’ve signed a match with Erin. She will be tagging with Mr. Cool against the team of Blade and Gigglypuff. I want you to be the special guest referee.
SS: (smiling and cracking his knuckles) Fantastic…..
Felix: If you call the match fairly, and 100% down the line, you get your match with Erin at the Rumble. But if even after the match you harm her in any way, be it directly or indirectly, your match is revoked and you are suspended indefinitely. I see that both you and Erin have signed up for the Rumble match as well. You may get a shot at her then as well, but you never know how the entry numbers will play out. Your singles match with her may be your only shot. I urge you to call the match fairly next week. If you’ll excuse me, I have a match to get to.

*SS nods his head and walks out the door, slamming it behind him. The announcer calls for the main event. The theme of the Clique World Order plays, and out walks Blade, surprisingly alone, for this matchup. He has changed out of his $1,000 suit and into his wrestling attire, and looks ready for this match. Almost no lipstick remains from Gigglypuff on his face at all. Felix walks out next and steps in the ring, eyeing up his opponent. The bell rings and Felix lunges for Blade, but “The Playa” of the CWO dodges Felix’s advances. He laughs at a fallen Felix, who gets back up and ready for round 2. They lock up and Felix locks in a chokehold. After 5 seconds, the referee breaks it up. Blade hits a headbutt on Felix and follows it up with a quick bodyslam on the big man. Blade runs against the ropes and executes a leg drop, and goes for a pin but only gets 2. Blade, frustrated at the ref, begins to argue about the count. Felix grabs a leg of Blade and pulls him back for a schoolboy. Only a 2 count again, and Blade gets up to be met with a snap suplex. Felix gets to the second rope and hits a double axe handle as Blade is getting up. Blade falls back down, but when he is picked up by Felix, blocks a punch and hits a quick standing dropkick to Felix. The commish is reeling, but hasn’t fallen down. Blade hits a second dropkick, but Felix stays standing up. Blade runs against the ropes and hits a running dropkick that sends Felix to the mat. Blade goes for a pin, but gets only 2. Frustrated, Blade gets up and brings Felix to his feet. Out of sheer desperation, Blade drops to his knees and goes to hit a low blow on Felix. Sensing this, Felix manages to catch Blades arm in mid-motion and blocks the shot. He instead puts Blade’s head between his legs and hits a devastating powerbomb. Felix covers and gets the 3 count.

TD: And Felix has done it! He managed to get a win off from Blade and is that much closer to being ready to challenge Simon. Oh crap…..

*Gigglypuff, Giganto, and Simon rush down the ramp and slide into the ring and corner Felix. Seeing as there is no way out, Felix lunges right at Simon, but Giganto and Simon, along with a recovering Blade, manage a 3-on-1 beatdown on the Commissioner. Felix fight back as best he can, but not much can be done. The three men hold Felix by his arms and Gigglypuff approaches him, furious and screaming. Gigglypuff rears back and lands a hard slap to the Comissioner, and he falls to the ground out of exhaustion. The last image we see is of the 4 members of the CWO with their arms raised in one line, smiling and laughing to the fans.

TD: On a night that seemed to leave the CWO with dissension in their ranks, Simon’s gang has ended the night on top and in charge it seems! Folks, we are all out of time for tonight, but join us again next week!!!!!!