WWE RAW REPORT
AUGUST 28, 2006
Credit: PWTorch.com
-A recap aired of last week's stunts by DX that may have broken Vince McMahon.
-The show opened with Shane McMahon's intro music. He walked out in a suit and a serious look. No dancing. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show and immediately noted that Vince McMahon is not with Shane, and Shane appeared docile. Shane tripped over his prepared words several times early, as he said DX has gone too far. He said his father has just been lying on his back all week uttering the words "DX, DX, DX." Shane said he told his father to chill out in his hotel room, and Vince agreed. He said as a result he is running the show. He said for the first time on Raw, he's matched DX against a mystery team. "It's on a need to know basis," said Shane. "But I'll tell ya', it's sweet." He said by the end of the night, they'd find out not only their partners, but also what's in store for them at Unforgiven.
Edge walked out with Lita. A replay aired of John Cena tossing him into the water last week. He told Shane to fire Cena. Cena's music then played and Cena burst onto the stage and saluted the crowd. He said Edge looks a little on edge, and he said if he left now, the last memory he'd have of him was throwing him into the water. He said he'd rather offer him a happy ending, but a different kind of "happy ending" than Lita provides him and anyone else who offers her ten dollars. He told Shane to take her up on it. Cena then produced a three-year contract with Smackdown, drawn up by G.M. Teddy Long. He told Edge if he gives him another title, he has a chance to send him away for three years and have Raw all to himself. Shane looked over the contract and noted that it was signed by Teddy. (Cena going to Smackdown would solve the problem of a babyface Triple, post-DX, having to share the top babyface slot on Raw with Cena.) Edge agreed to do it, as long as he could name where it took place and he names the type of match it is.
As Cena began to walk away, Shane told him he wouldn't allow him to be disrespectful to the champ by throwing him in the water without consequences. He said he would have to wrestle, and no better time for it than now. Cena took off his shirt and said to bring it on. Then Chris Masters's music began. Masters disrobed on the stage and revealed a goatee and what Lawler described as "a leaner and meaner look."
1 -- JOHN CENA vs. CHRIS "MASTERPIECE" MASTERS
The match was joined in progress with Cena on offense. A loud "Cena sucks" chant broke out among the East Coast fans. A "Cena, Cena" chant followed with a higher pitch to it. Masters came back and scored a two count with a powerslam. Cena quickly came back and went into his finishing routine. Masters escaped an FU attempt and dropped Cena to the mat hard with a Slop Drop (reverse DDT). Masters went for a full nelson, but Cena escaped and applied the STFU. Edge ran out and attacked Cena from behind with a chair. As soon as Cena stood, Edge rammed him in the face with a ladder. Edge set a table in the corner and then threw Cena into it, snapping the table in several pieces. Edge then leaned over and said, "Good news, John. I've decided where the match is going to take place - at Unforgiven in my hometown, Toronto, Canada." He also revealed the match stip would be something Cena's never done, and something he's never lost - a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match.
WINNER: Cena via DQ in 5:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4* - Masters looks different (leaner), but not bad as a report out of OVW last week had said.
-The ECW commercial announced Sabu vs. Paul Heyman in an Extreme Rules match.
[Commercial Break]
-They aired a recap of the Edge-Cena. Then Ross previewed other matches on the show as they aired scenes from the boardwalk including Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy in a match to earn the top contender slot for the IC Title and a "Back to Schoolgirl Paddle on a Pole" match between Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson.
-Backstage, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch, Viscera, and Rob Conway argued amongst each other. They all wanted to be the opponents of DX. Shane said he appreciated them wanting to compete against him, but he had another plan in mind. Shane's cell rang and it was the Chairman. He asked him if he was relaxing. They went to a split screen of McMahon relaxing in his suite. He pulled up his zipper and said a steak was on its way. He had a glass of wine, too. McMahon called for room service to enter. (Didn't see just see this with Cena-Edge a few weeks back?) Vince heard a rooster crowing. Vince hoped he heard it over the phone, but instead he turned around and pulled off a sheet to reveal two cages with roosters. Vince's face began to contort as he stared at the roosters.
-Trish Stratus and Carlito strolled next to each other backstage and chatted. Carlito said he wanted to talk to her privately. Ignoring the camera, he said he had something to ask him. He said he learned that WWE.com reports that Lita says Trish is retiring after Unforgiven. "How would she know that?" asked Trish. Carlito asked if it was true. Trish said it is. She said she was going to tell people on her own. He said that is something that Lita would do - take her personal business public because she's a nosey bitch. Carlito said if that's what's best for her, then so be it. He said she should get the proper goodbye. He leaned in to kiss her and they kissed. Orton charged Carlito from behind and knocked him hard into Trish. "A no good jerk!" said Lawler.
[Commercial Break]
-Ross said he was shocked about Lita leaking the story about Trish's retirement. Ross said it's now known that Trish is retiring from WWE.
2 -- CANDICE MICHELLE vs. TORRIE WILSON -- Paddle on a Pole match
Lawler said, "Paddles excite me!" The match consisted almost entirely of one of them climbing the pole in the corner with the paddle, and the other yanking her down. Torrie then gave Candice the Tush Push (Rikishi's Stink Face), at which point Candice bit her and grabbed the paddle to win. Torrie bent over to get paddled, but Candice insisted that Torrie paddle her instead. Candice played to the crowd, then let Torrie spank her with it. Torrie then bent over and got spanked, too. Candice affectionately paddled Torrie's dog, then brought him into the ring. They hugged and left the ring together. The men could learn so much from them.
WINNER: Candice in 2:00.
STAR RATING: n/a
-Ross plugged that Orton vs. Hardy was next.
-An ECW commercial aired that didn't mention Sabu vs. Heyman, but instead said Heyman would respond to Sabu beating up his man, Big Show, last week. Did they air the first commercial a week too soon, or is Heyman both "responding" to Sabu and also wrestling him?
[Commercial Break]]
-The WWF 24/7 flashback segment showed Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith in England. Sometimes I think I miss Vince McMahon as an announcer, but short clips here remind me I don't. It's the same with Stephanie McMahon as an on-air heel character.
3 -- RANDY ORTON vs. JEFF HARDY
Orton got in some early blows, but Hardy came back and clotheslined Orton over the top rope. Then he hit a springboard flip dive onto Orton at ringside as they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
After the break, Hardy flew through the ropes toward Orton at ringside. Ross said Hardy crashed and burned when he hit Orton's boot and landed hard on the floor. Ross said he'll be surprised of Hardy has a long career. In the ring, Orton got a two count. Orton applied a chinlock. Hardy suplexed out of it. Hardy came back with several clotheslines and a dropkick off the second rope for a two count. Orton came back and drove Hardy back-first over his knee. Orton went for a powerbomb, but Hardy reversed it into a huracanrana. Hardy flew at Orton off the second rope, but Orton caught him with a dropkick and scored another two count. Orton went for an RKO, but Hardy escaped with a neckbreaker. Then Hardy went to the top rope. Orton rolled out of the ring. Carlito then charged Orton from behind, but the ref didn't notice. Hardy then choked Orton over the middle rope. Carlito spot in Orton's face, and Hardy hit a Twist of Fate followed by a Swanton. Boy, did he wait until the last possible second to tuck on that one. That extra weight he's carrying makes it a little tougher to hit some of these moves with as much grace as in years past. He scored the pin.
WINNER: Hardy in 11:00.
STAR RATING: ** -- Solid back and forth match. Hardy still isn't in great ring shape and his timing is a little off, but he's still a breath of fresh air in that he's not another plodding WWE-style worker that fills up too much of Raw.
-Backstage, Shawn Michaels held up the t-shirt that said, "Vince likes (picture of rooster)." Ha ha ha. Claudio Castagnoli was among three security officers who walked in to protect Shane. Hunter said they sent him roosters to relieve some stress. "What better way to relieve stress than choking the chicken," said Hunter. Michaels cracked up. Shane told them to grow up. Hunter said, "Says the man whose 61 year old father who drops his pants and makes other grown man kiss his ass. Says the man whose 61 year old father dates girls a third his age. Says the man whose 61 year old father had an I quit match with his own daughter just days before marrying the man with the largest penis." Michaels said what Hunter is saying is that his father's antics are well-documented. He plugged the McMahon DVD for the camera. (Oh, so wrestlers do know the cameras are there. We'll keep in that mind next time wrestlers secretly plot against their opponents or step aside to have a private conversation.)
[Commercial Break]
-A promotional piece aired on "The Marine" starring John Cena in theaters Oct. 13.
-Ross and Lawler were joined at ringside by The Highlanders.
4 -- SPIRIT SQUAD (Mikey & Kenny w/Nicky, Mitch) vs. HACKSAW DUGGAN & EUGENE -- WWE Tag Title match
Eugene and Duggan knocked Mikey into other Squaders at ringside, and they fell onto the laps of the Highlanders. They got into a scuffle, so the ref ordered the other Squaders to the back. Mitch actually stuck around, though. The ref then ordered the Highlanders to the back, too. They protested, then left. Mikey whipped Eugene toward an exposed turnbuckle, but Eugene avoided it and hot-tagged Duggan. Duggan tagged in for the first time and slammed the Squaders. He charged at Mikey, but Mikey got yanked aside by Mitch so Duggan went shoulder-first into the exposed corner. Mikey scored the pin.
WINNERS: Spirit Squad to retain the WWE Tag Titles in 4:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4*
-Umaga came out as Spirit Squad returned to the back. Ross said, "We have a Katrina-like tragedy about to occur." (Yes, he actually said that.) He then attacked Duggan and Eugene. Ross had made a point of saying earlier that Kane was not in the arena this week after the attack by Umaga last week. Armado Alejandro Estrada told Kane that he stuck his nose in their business last week, and that's why he got put of commission by "the only monster in the WWF, and his name is the undefeated Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga."
-Ross plugged an appearance by Johnny Nitro and Melina next for an in-ring press conference.
[Commercial Break]
-Ross plugged a replay of Raw on USA Network at 11 p.m. ET. For the second time ever, Raw will be on two cable channels at once in the U.S. - the other being the live simulcast during the final Nitro.
-A recap aired of the Mick Foley-Melina-Vince McMahon segment last week.
-Nitro and Melina came out. Ross said if Nitro had any respect for the IC Title, he'd wear it around his waist instead of symbolically hanging from the front of his pants. There were a bunch cameramen at ringside. Ross said, "I'm not big on the press. Some of them are all right." He called some of them "dunderheads." Nitro said they called the press conference because Melina's been hounded to make a comment about Foley. Nitro said their comment is, "What did you expect her to do?" Nitro talked about getting freaky with Melina every night, while Foley can only fantasize about her. Regarding Foley and the fans, he said: "Fantasizing and dreaming are as close as you'll ever get to this." He added that Melina would never associate with a quitter like Foley. Melina said he's not so much a quitter as he is an "ass kisser." She mocked him for kissing McMahon's ass, the people's asses, and her ass. Melina doubted his claim that he wanted to just be her friend. Melina said he's a disgusting creep who is hitting middle age and he fell for her. Melina said Mick can step in line because every man in the arena and around the world falls for her. She said she'd never take anyone who looks like Foley seriously. She said she wanted to state for the record that she never let Foley touch her. She said he embarrassed himself over her. She mocked that he drives a minivan. She continued: "I would never associate myself with regular people like you or Mick Foley because I am a star and so is Johnny Nitro. There is no way in hell I will ever Johnny Nitro for a one-eared disgusting smelly muppet like Mick Foley. I not only fired Mick Foley, but I put Mick Foley out of his memory." Ross quipped that it's only a two hour show, referencing how long this segment was going. Nitro told Foley to write his little blog and watch as his career goes places his never did and get to do things he never could, signalling getting physical with Melina. Nitro said he wants to state that he and Melina are the hottest things on Raw. He said he is the future of sports entertainment, then concluded, "Thank you, thank you, no further questions." Ross said they didn't take any questions, and said that was a weak press conference. "It was a self-promotion tape, and not a good one!" said Ross.
-Ross and Lawler were shown on camera. Ross talked about Kurt Angle being released from WWE. Ross said WWE.com had articles featuring wrestler reactions to his release. Ross said he is dealing with mental and physical issues and wished him the best. Ross said they hoped to see him back in WWE some day, and said they wished him the best in the mean time. Lawler plugged that Lita vs. Mickey James was up next.
-A commercial aired for the "McMahon" DVD.
[Commercial Break]
-Ross and Lawler talked about Lita revealing Trish's plans to retire. Lawler said Lita overheard Trish talking about it to her parents on her cell phone. A clip aired of the Carlito/Trish conversation and Orton attacking Carlito.
5 -- LITA vs. MICKIE JAMES -- WWE Women's Title match
Ross again ripped into Lita for revealing Trish's decision to retire, saying Trish should have gotten to do it on her own terms. Lita brought her title belt into the ring. The ref took it away. Mickey scored a two count with a roll up. Lita seconds later pinned Mickey with added leverage by grabbing the middle rope. Ross couldn't believe the ref didn't see that.
WINNER: Lita in 4:00 to retain the Women's Title.
STAR RATING: 1/2*
-A commercial aired for ECW on Sci-Fi plugging Heyman vs. Sabu again, so the match is apparently on.
[Commercial Break]
-A recap aired of the Edge-Cena angle earlier.
-DX came out first and did their whole intro routine. Hunter said, "For the thousands in attendance, the millions watching at home, and Vince McMahon who at this very moment is as a posh hotel room just down the road feverishly choking the chicken - let's get ready to suck it!" Ross asked if McMahon likes BBQ chicken. Shane then stepped out and said they may remember their opponents from Summerslam - and out came Smackdown's Finlay, William Regal, and Mr. Kennedy. If you opened your window and listened, you could hear America say in unison: "That's the best Shane could do?"
[Commercial Break]
6 -- TRIPLE H & SHAWN MICHAELS vs. FINLAY & WILLIAM REGAL & MR. KENNEDY
The match was joined in progress with the heels in control against Michaels. Finlay nailed Michaels with a clothesline at ringside, then the little green guy splashed Michaels, then returned under the ring. "How the hell did he get under our ring?" asked Ross. At 6:00 Michaels hot-tagged Hunter, who cleaned house on the heels. He set up Regal for a Pedigree, but Finlay clotheslined him. Regal swung a chair at Hunter, but jabbed Finlay in the face with it instead. Hunter then finished Regal with a Pedigree for the anticlimactic win.
WINNERS: DX in 6:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4
-Shane ordered the music cut on DX's music and ordered Big Show to the ring. He walked out. Ross said Show was at an ECW live event in Poughkeepsie and couldn't understand how he made it there. DX doubled Show and got control, but Finlay and Regal turned the tide. Finlay hit Michaels with his stick as Kennedy yanked Michaels crotch-first into the ringpost. Finlay then hit Michaels with his stick as Show chokeslammed Hunter. Show gave Michaels two Cobra Clutch Backbreakers and a legdrop. Vince McMahon's music then played and he walked out with an even bigger stick than Finlay. He saw this as his chance to get revenge on DX since they were beat down. Hunter hit Hunter with the lead pipe. Shane held Hunter for further beating. Hunter bled from the forehead as McMahon hit him a dozen times. Then he choked Hunter from behind. Hunter yanked the camera out of the hands of a cameraman and KO'd Michaels with it, then threw it over the top rope to the floor. Lawler said Vince has lost his mind. Michaels came up bleeding heavily, reminiscent of last week's The Ultimate Fighter. As Hunter was about to make the save, Shane KO'd him with the pipe. Shane choked Hunter with the pipe. The crowd chanted "You suck cock!" at the McMahons. Vince grabbed a mic and said if they think it's over, it's not over until they say it's over. He announced that he and Shane would be back in the ring with them, but with Big Show as their partner and it would be "Hell in the Cell." Ross said that was DX's death sentence. A crawler on the screen plugged the repaly of Raw on USA.