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Sparkles Opening Video Plays along with a recap of last week. It shows Michelle McCool failing to rap and claiming she's a better singer than Hemme, Beth Phoenix hitting on Kelly - gross, we know. Gail Kim being deported, Alex Shelley telling Taylor Wilde to GTFO, and Mickie James becoming one of the #1 contenders for the WEW title.
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*Angelinas music hits*
Angelina: Last week Mickie, you pinned me and earned a shot at the WEW title. Well, I just wanna say congrats girl! I totally overreacted. I went home and I thought to myself, she deserved it. So I want to clear the air, kiss, make up, and call a truce, because with the recent weight gain you've had, I don't want to be put in a squash match with you. So hows about it!?
*CM Punk comes out*
Punk: Angelina, I just came out to say that you'll be in a match tonight, against Natalya, you two will be competing for a shot for the title. The winner will then face Mickie, at The Bash, for the WEW championship.
Angelina: Fair enough I guess. Now, where's Mickie?
Punk: Erm, I think she's backstage making a sandwhich
Angelina: Roast Beef?
Punk: My thoughts exactly
Angelina: We're going to hell, aren't we?
Punk: You are, i'm not
Angelina: Why's that then?
Punk: Because i'm straight-edge and i'm better than you!
Angelina: That thing is old, the character went stale when you where in ROH
Punk: Sorry, where?
Angelina: ROH
Punk: I think you're forgetting that Vince use to own this company, other wrestling promotions don't exist here
Angelina: Not even ECW?
Punk: ESPECIALLY ECW
*Natalyas Music Hits*
Natalya: So, i'm facing Angelina tonight? That should be easy, seeing as i'm the best there was, the best there is, the best there ever will be!
Punk: What in gods name...
Angelina: Oh yeah, she got kicked in the head at a house show, now she thinks shes Bret Hart
Punk: I guess she really is living off her name then
Angelina: Don't be silly, she trained in THE DUNGEON~!
Punk: Explains the 80's style pink tights. Anyway, I just came out to annouce your match, and that the main event will be the battle royal to crown the WEW Junior Champ. Seeing as you two are already out, you can have your match now, it saves us reloading the pyro. If I find Mickie, i'll tell her she can come on commentary because it's standard booking here to shove one of your most talented on there. Have fun!
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VS
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With Mickie as a guest on Commentary
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*Mickies music hits*
Raisha Saeed: Good to have you here Mickie
Torrie Wilson: You're not still a psycho are you?
Mickie: Of course not. I dropped that gimmick years ago, as much as the IWC wan't it back, they can bugger off if they think i'm wearing skirts again. Pervs.
Torrie Wilson: Speaking of Pervs, what do you think of Beth Phoenix?
Raisha Saeed: Can we get to the match now please?
Mickie (whispering): Honestly, I think it's just a gimmick they placed her with, she's married, although if i'm wrong, it would explain the amount of times she wanted to wrestle me
*Natalya and Angelina circle the ring, and Natalya locks Angelina in an armbar. She brings Angelina to the ropes, jumps on the second rope, springboards around, and hits a springboard armdrag*
Mickie: Nattie, you're supposed to be Bret Hart, not Owen!
*Angelina gets up, and meets Nattie with a standing drop kick. She climbs the top rope and shouts 'Bret screwed Bret' and leaps to do a cross body, but nobodys home. Nattie grabs Angelina, and puts her into the sharpshooter*
Raisha Saeed: Lets hope she taps
Torrie Wilson: No way
Mickie: I'm with Torrie, Nattie can get screwed (no pun intended), if she thinks i'm facing her
*Angelina reaches for the rope, she grabs it, and is released. Angelina, still hurting from the failed cross body, is grabbing her HUGE chest. Mickie walks out of her chair, and distracts Natalya. Angelina grabs Nattie from behind (in a not so Beth Phoenix like fashion), and goes for a roll up. 1, 2, 3*
Tiffany: And here is your winner, Angelina Love!
Crowd chanting at Mickie: You screwed Bret Nattie, you screwed Bret Nattie!
Raisha Saeed: I guess it's Mickie vs Angelina for the WEW title then at The Bash
Torrie: Natties loses in an upset? Guess we'll be hearing about this for the next 10 years
Winner
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*The Camera goes backstage, where Velvet and Melina are seen arguing. Last week they ended up fighting because Velvet took the piss out of the former owner, who died had aids, and fell out of a window, Candice Michelle*
Melina: You're nothing more than a cheap whore, who instead of having a funeral for Candice, would sell tickets and tape a necrophillia gang bang of her lifeless corpse, just to make money!
Velvet: You know what Melina, i'd lower myself to insulting you, but i'd spend way too much time explaining that you're a stupid idiot, in ways your limited mind can't understand so it's a good thing God created a back up plan for people like you, it's called suicide, you should try it! Better yet, go find the body of your precious Candice, and make out with, then you'd die the same fate as her
Melina: She just had aids, she didn't die of it
Velvet: No, I meant you could film it and trip over the camera cord, maybe falling face first onto concrete will improve your appearence
Punk: Hey now ladies, both of you can save this for The Bash, but you can also save it for the battle royal tonight, aren't I a great boss, putting you two girls in the match
Velvet: Who else is in there?
Punk: You'll have to wait and see
Velvet: You've no idea yet have you?
Punk: Nope
Velvet: Oh well, i'm taking that title anyway. If Melina wants to win anything, she can enter the grand national. And i'm out!
Raishia Saeed (on commentary): ownt.
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VS
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Tiffany: The following Tag Team Contest is set for one fall!
*Michelles entrance music hits but she runs out to the ramp*
Michelle: Look, i've got my own entrance music now, so you can kill those beats, because it's wack!
*Michelle and Layla both come out, and Michelle starts rapping*
Michelle (Rappng): This is my entrance music i'm singing right now
I don't know why but Christy it's like POW
You think you can sing
You think you're good
Well let me get to the ring
And prove that I'm the girl that every guy would
This is MC-COOL
And Christy, you drool!
Raisha Saeed: What in lords name have creative done to her
Torrie: That wasn't rap
Raisha Saeed: It wasn't even a freaking song
*Christys Music hits and her and Maria come out*
Raisha Saeed: Please don't sing, please don't sing, please don't sing!
Christy: Michelle, you think that's rapping? Dear god. Instead of singing or rapping, whatever it is, like a try hard, why don't you do something that benefits the world?
Torrie: She could pose for playboy!
Christy: So why don't you build a catapult, and launch yourself into orbit. So that in 250 years time, people can look up into space and see your failed music career
Raisha Saeed: ownt.
*All four of the girls are in the ring, and the ref calls for the match to start*
Raisha Saeed: Lets get this match underway then
Torrie: A tag match? Boring
Raisha Saeed: What do you suggest?
Torrie: A gimmick match attached onto it?
Raisha Saeed: This isn't TNA
Torrie: But we have near enough all their knockouts
Raisha Saeed: And they have near enough all our fired, released, ex, wrestlers, and now our playboy contract
Torrie: Didn't you use to work for TNA too?
Raisha Saeed: Yep
Torrie: Explains the R-Truth treatment you're getting
Raisha Saeed: Torrie you're supposed to be dumb, you're breaking kayfabe. It's the curtain call incident all over again
Torrie: If that's the case, then I guess i'll go on un-punished and win 13 world titles
*Layla starts things off for her team because Michelle is busy singing to herself, whilst Christy starts things off for her team*
*Layla and Christy lock up, and Christy, who has the advantage in the ring due to her improvement in not only singing, but wrestling, goes for a low blow*
Torrie: Crikey, seems like something Beth Phoenix would do!
*Christy starts clapping to get the fans involved, although it doesn't seem to do much, because Layla gets up and goes for a roll up. Christy kicks out and goes for a spinning face buster. Christy is now the one to go for the pin, but Layla reaches for the ropes, and touches them with her fingers. She kicks Christy in the face, and tags in Michelle. Christy and Michelle start shouting at each other, and Michelle delivers a drop kick to Christy*
Torrie (quoting from Dodgeball): Ouch town, population you bro!
*Michelle starts screaming at Christy, and puts her into the ankle lock*
Raisha Saeed: Bitch! She stole that from Kurt Angle!
*Michelle starts screaming at Christy again 'You're nothing more than a one hit wonder!' - she tightens the lock on Christy. Refusing to give up, Christy reaches for the rope, grabs it, and Michelle lets go. Christy runs to the ropes, delivers a crossbody, and pulls Michelle into a roll up*
Tiffany: And here is your winner, Christy Hemme and Maria!
Raisha Saeed: Did Maria even wrestle?
Torrie: What a stupid question
Raisha Saeed: A stupid question you don't appear to know the answer to
Torrie: Whatever, Michelle losing, who books this crap?
Raisha Saeed: I dunno, as long as it's not the IWC, I don't care
Torrie: They should just stick to what they do best
Raisha Saeed: Which is?
Torrie: Posting our pictures in the Divas Threads
Raisha Saeed: I'm pretty sure posting them isn't the only thing they do with our pictures Torrie...
Winners
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*The camera flicks on, and Beth Phoenix appears*
Raisha Saeed: What the hell? Where is she??
Torrie: I think...I think she's in someones dressing room
Beth: Kelly, oh Kelly, where are you dear?
Raisha Saeed: Hmm, I don't think Kellys there, but what on earth is Beth doing?
*Beth walks around Kellys dressing room*
Beth: Dammit, she musn't be here, maybe i'll just wait for her, or better yet..
*Beth opens Kellys back, takes her clothes, and runs out*
Torrie: Hey, what's she doing, that's stealing, Beth stop!
Raisha Saeed: Dude, she can't here you
Torrie: What was she doing then!??
Raisha Saeed: I dunno, probably stealing her clothes so she can smell them when she's alone or something
Torrie: Gross
Raisha Saeed: Yeah I know, they're not even clean
*The Camera goes off air for 15 minutes for a break*
*Kelly Kelly enters her dressing room and notices someones been in. She storms out and goes looking for Beth*
Kelly: Beth, where the hell are you?
*She storms into Beths dressing room, to find a blow up doll, dressed just like Kelly*
Kelly: What? What are you doing you freak!
Beth: What? Nothing, nothing at all
Kelly: You where just making with that
Beth: Its just something i'm using until I get the real thing
Kelly: That's disgusting, you're nothing but a gay Diva!
Beth: I'm not gay, but I came close to turning after that night with your mom
Kelly: My mom!?
Beth: What can I say? Times were tough, and she was the cheapest in town. But don't worry, if you're looking for a partner, I hear your dad is on the market. He's always regretted the day he found that nickel, because then, he wouldn't have been able to afford your mom, and there also wouldn't have been a you
Kelly: Whats wrong with you? You where just being nice about me, granted a little too nice, but...
Beth: But nothing, if you don't want my love, then I won't give it you
Kelly: Give it? I never wanted it in the first place, i'm barely legal
Beth: That's not what Big Dave said
*Beth pushes Kelly out the door, and yes, from behind*
Raisha Saeed: Heidenreich flash backs anyone?
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Talking on Commentary
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Raisha Saeed: So what's next?
Torrie: Probably another promo
Raisha Saeed: No more matches?
Torrie: Well, the battle royal I guess
Raisha Saeed: Yikes, forgot this was the show before the PPV, we need all the hype we can get
Torrie: Eggsactly, so what do WE do now?
Raisha Saeed: Hype the matches so far for the PPV?
Torrie: Okay, sponsored by the delicious, fruity, delicious, fruity, skittles, we bring you 'THE BASH!'
Raisha Saeed: lol wut?
Torrie: I dunno, i'm just doing what JR does
Raisha Saeed: Can I be Jerry Lawler?
Torrie: I don't see why not
Raisha Saeed: For The Bash, we currently have the sexy Mickie James, facing Angelina for the WEW championship. Will Angelina lay down the law, and roast Mickie like she's beef?
Torrie: I see what you did there!
Raisha Saeed: And will Beth Phoenix finally pull Kelly Kelly?
Torrie: SQUASH
Raisha Saeed: Yah you're probably right, the only action we'll probably see there is Beth going to grab Kellys butt, nothing new though, it's not like she doesn't make her self available or anything
Torrie: Then we have Michelle and Christy, yay!
Raisha Saeed: Christy, man she killed it in playboy, DAT ASS
Torrie: Raisha, I think that's too Jerry Lawler
Raisha Saeed: How can you be too Jerry Lawler? Whatever, anyway, lets not forget Velvet and Melina, battle of the butts
Torrie: It's a butt match?
Raisha Saeed: No, it's got some kind of gimmick, it just wont be annouced yet, kind of like TNA's Victory Road, bahahahah
Torrie: And the WEW Junior Champion, will have a mystery opponent at The Bash. But who?
Raisha Saeed: We'll just let the IWC make threads and have them keep guessing, and wondering
Torrie: And there will also be a battle royal (man WEW love these things), to find a new number one contender for the WEW Championship. The winner will then face the winner of the title from The Bash
Raisha Saeed: Anyway, more stips to be annouced, but whatever, i'm done stalling, time for the main event!
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Battle Royal Contestants
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*All the contestants are ready in the ring*
Tiffany: The following is for the WEW Junior Championship! The only way to win is by eliminating your opponents, by pushing them over or under the ropes, with both their feet hitting the floor. The last one remaining, will be your new champion!
*All the women look at each other, Taylor and Katie Lea start trying to push each other over the ropes*
Raisha Saeed: It seems Taylor is still mad that she got REJECTED by Alex Shelley
Torrie: I'd be mad too if the guy I liked would rather get aids than sleep with me
Raisha Saeed: If he slept with you he'd get aids anyway
*Velvet and Melina start fighting, Kong lifts them both up and throws them over the ropes*
Tiffany: Velvet and Melina have been eliminated!
*Madison, Maryse and Daffney all try and lift Kong, but the girl is just too damn heavy. So they try rolling her under the ropes*
Raisha Saeed: By god, she's stuck!
Torrie: Someone get some butter
Raisha Saeed: What? That won't get her free
Torrie: No, it's just incase she's hungry
*Kong is stuck now, and is unable to move!*
Raisha Saeed: MARK OUT
*Maryse and Daffney both go for some actual wrestling. Maryse pulls out The Stroke*
Raisha Saeed: Hey! You stole that from Jeff Jarret!
Torrie: I'm sure he doesn't care, he's too busy screwing Karen Angle
*Maryse does that silly thing where she moves her hands. Daffney throws Maryse against the turnbuckle and then grabs Madison and throws her directly into Maryse. Daffney pulls out some chains from her pocket and ties them together*
Torrie: Chaining two girls together? Sounds like some kind of porn movie
Raisha Saeed: Yo girl, i'm Jerry Lawler remember
*Maryse and Madison are chained together*
Raisha Saeed: What the...okay, who bought Russo back from the dead and put him on the creative team?
Torrie: The same person who reported Gail to immigration
Raisha Saeed: Velvet Sky?
Torrie: I guess implants can do amazing things
Raisha Saeed: Damn straight, look what they did to Angelina
Torrie: Detract attention from her face?
Raisha Saeed: And get her a push
*Madison and Maryse can't get free from the chains, and they fall over. Taylor Wilde climbs the rope to do a cross body. Maryse and Madison shout 'WE DON'T WANT A CONCUSSION!', they roll across the ring and just miss out on getting a head injury, but they roll too far and eliminate themselves by rolling under the ropes*
Tiffany: Maryse and Madison have been eliminated!
Raisha Saeed: So I guess this leaves Daffney, Katie, Kong and Taylor
Torrie: Kong should just eat them and get it over with
*Kong manages to break free from being stuck in the ropes, and she charges at Taylor and Daffney, they fall over, and Kong climbs the rope and hits a 450 splash. Katie stands there, and goes to hit Kong from behind, Kong turns around and uses the Implant Buster on Katie*
Raisha Saeed: I wonder if Kong finds Vader Sexy
*Torrie (wanting Taylor to win), grabs a chocolate bar from her bag and runs near the ring apron*
Torrie: Hey Kong, i've got chocolate!
*Kong looks at Torrie and then looks at the chocolate bar. She climbs out the ring and starts to follow Torrie, who by now, is running away in fear of her life*
Tiffany: And Kong has been eliminated!
Raisha Saeed: So I guess this leaves Katie, Taylor and Daffney, and me without a commentary partner.
*Natalya comes out to join Raisha on commentary*
Natalya: I guess things could be worse for you
Raisha Saeed: How?
Natalya: You could still be in TNA
Raisha Saeed: Where the Knockouts division is taken seriously?
Natalya: Yes
Raisha Saeed: Yeah that would suck huh...so, how do you like Survivor Series?
*Katie Lea gets up, dazed from Kongs Implant Buster. She runs over to Taylor Wilde, and delivers the Kat Nip. Her and Daffney lift up Taylor, Daffney lifts from the feet, and Katie from the hair. They swing her about, 1, 2, 3..and they throw her out the ring. Now it's just Daffney and Katie left*
Raisha Saeed: So, is it true Russo is haunting the company now?
Nattie: Yeah, apparently they saw his ghost backstage tonight
Raisha Saeed: Explains the strange goings on
Nattie: You mean the booking?
Raisha Saeed: Exactly
*Katie Lea hits a spinning back breaker on Daffney, and goes to push her out the ring, Daffney gets up and whips Katie against the ropes, Daffney runs to the ropes, Katie is dizzy from being spun into the ropes, and Daffney nails the diving Hurrcarana. Daffney goes to clothesline Katie out the ring, but Katie reverses, wraps her feet around Daffneys neck, and takes her to the mat with a head scissors take down! Daffney stands up and Katie runs at her and pushes her over the ropes*
Tiffany: And here is your winner, and the new WEW Juniors Champion, Katie Lea!
Winner
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Raisha Saeed: So a Brit wins? I call favoritism
Natalya: Huh?
Raisha Saeed: The manager is English
Natalya: Either way, we have a new champ, congrats to Katie, she's no longer the jobber she once was
Raisha Saeed: Exactly, she's now a jobber with a title. Well kids, i'm hungry, and want a chocolate bar, with the mood Kong was in earlier, I better leave before she comes after me now that she's done with Torrie. Good night folks!